Rodrigo Cortés
Buried - Sepolto

Apparently, I am a fly.

In the sense that I attract crap with an ease that borders on a clinical case.

Last night, for example, I stumbled upon yet another film hyped by the media, complete with mentions from sites, juries, festivals (Sundance Festival 2010) etc.

This "Buried" (trailer here) by Spaniard Rodriguez Cortés released in October 2010, turned out to be really an epic mockery.

A film shot for 90 minutes inside a coffin, with just one actor (someone named Ryan Reynolds not even that expressive): no flashbacks, no other images except HIM and his damn cellphone. A film therefore made entirely of tight shots (with beautiful cinematography by Eduard Grau) and dialogues where, apart from a snake and some sand entering through certain gaps, absolutely nothing happens. You will understand on your own, therefore, the strategic and fundamental importance of the voice… right?

And instead NO.

A film dramatically ruined by the Italian dubbing, with a voice I would dare call "television-like," not at all dramatic and too forced. Even when he screams and curses, it’s not believable.

A film full of doubts, technical errors, and questions, like: Where does a cellphone exist that can pick up a signal from Iraq to America? Since when does a battery last for 90 minutes straight? Why doesn't the air ever run out? How come he "coincidentally" finds neon lights in his pocket? Why is the coffin so wide? etc. etc.

A film that officially seems to have cost a whopping 3 million dollars when with 50,000 at most you could produce it just as well.

Well... the strange contradictions of the shiny world of cinema!

Anyway, I’ll transcribe the ending script from an involuntary "joke" because it will soon become a CULT:

Final scenes. The sand filters into the coffin. 88 minutes of phone contacts have passed to free the man from the coffin underground.

Lieutenant's voice: "we're freeing you... hang in there"

Buried, now exhausted: "Hurry up... please"

RING RING (his cellphone rings)

His woman's voice: "Darling, I miss you"

Buried: "I love you too..."

Woman: "I love you more... boo hoo"

Buried, crying: "Nooo no, I love you more... silly"

CLICK

His lost gaze with tear

RING rings again

Lieutenant’s voice: "Here we are, we’ve located the coffin"

Buried, pressed against the wall: "Faster!!"

Lieutenant: Yessss

Buried: "Come onnnn"

Lieutenant: ......

Lieutenant: "Uh... crap, we’ve got the wrong coffin... sorry... really sorry"

Screen goes black. Credits roll and THE END

...an ending so foolish even Ed Wood would never have conceived it!

*) Sorry. I allowed myself to transcribe the ending because I find it hard to believe anyone would watch such a flop!