Robbie Williams
Lovelight

It's morning, around 7:30. I'm in front of my café-au-lait and a new shitty day awaits me. My brain is still in stand-by mode and my father already starts with his usual political talks: "the left is sinking the country, you young people have no future, communists eat babies" etc. etc. etc. I don't yet have the strength to insult him, so I sip my café-au-lait staring into the void, escaping any minimal attempt at social interaction.

Waking up is traumatic: I need something strong to start my day... a bit of music! There's no stereo in the kitchen, so I have to make do with what's on TV, particularly on the only visible channel if you don't have satellite, MTV! I already know that on that shitty channel they haven't played a band I can listen to for at least ten years, but hey, it's always better than Paolo Fox's horoscope, right? The terror of catching Vasco Rossi's latest video is great, but fortunately there's a video I don't think I've ever seen before. It starts with strange sounds, and I wonder who it could be... then, I hear something: Ta ta ta, ta ta ta, tatatatata! What is this trashy music... it sounds like one of those tacky techno songs you hear in summer coming from those even tackier cars speeding at 200 km/h in my city! TA TA TA, TA TA TA, TATATATATA! Then a little falsetto voice starts singing... but who is it? A caption appears... aaaaaahhhh, the new single by Robbie Williams, from his most disappointing album ever, "Rudebox"! And no wonder, with a song like that, did he even hope to sell? TA TA TA, TA TA TA, TATATATATA!

Joy takes over me! Finally, a pointless teen idol will get what he deserves for so long: a massive commercial failure! Yes, Robbie, your glory is over! You've enjoyed the billions... now get ready because soon you'll be working at McDonald's as a Ronald lookalike! The times when you made girls fall in love with "Angels," or played a pathetic rapper with "Rock DJ," and critics even said you were good, are over! When you then did "Feel," they went so far as to say you were the new king of pop! May you die of spongiform diarrhea, along with all those bootlicking critics with suitcases full of money in hand! Yet still, TA TA TA, TA TA TA, TATATATATA! My head starts keeping the beat of this absurd song... help!!! But how, just when the girls are starting to drop you, do you write a song that (hear hear) I almost like? Or could it be that I've always liked you, only pretending to hate you because you were popular with the girls?! I'm confused and feel emotions I'm ashamed of! Why did you put in this damn song that TA TA TA, TA TA TA, TATATATATA! Once you almost tempted me with that duet with Kylie Minogue... I started almost getting attached to the song just to enjoy that wonderful woman! But now what reason do I have? Robbie, you're a jerk, screw you!

Thanks to you, for two days now when someone talks to me, I only respond TA TA TA, TA TA TA, TATATATATA!