Rob Marshall
Nine

"Nine is not a remake of 8 ½ because you cannot remake a masterpiece. Fellini's work is untouchable; this is just the film adaptation of Nine, the Broadway musical itself loosely inspired by the famous film."

These were the words of a pompous Rob Marshall at the press conference, well aware that what he had brought to the screen had very little of the Felliniesque, offered to the journalists present in the room.

If the idea of the remake was to be totally discarded in favor of a classic-style musical, it was clear why I embarked, under a deluge of biblical proportions, towards the multiplex where the film was being shown... and that is Marshall’s direction.

While I found him undoubtedly talented as a film director (we have him to thank for the beautiful "Memoirs of a Geisha"), as a musical director, Marshall gave me THE absolute masterpiece, (along with "Moulin Rouge" by Luhrmann), that sharp and sparkling Chicago that swept the Oscar ceremony in 2002.

Unfortunately, it was painful to admit that the magic didn’t happen a second time. Nine is, in fact, a useless musical, not very impactful and absolutely unengaging. Not knowing the original musical, from which even Fellini distanced himself (hence the name Nine), a comparison with it is impossible, preventing me from determining if at least the filmic staging surpasses the theatrical one in quality (as it did in Chicago). The soundtrack is mostly anonymous, lacking truly exciting pieces. If this is not necessarily a flaw for many (just think of musicals like "A Chorus Line" where there are barely 2 memorable songs), it becomes unforgivable when we face the fact that of choreographies (lifelines for musicals with a weak soundtrack) the film is poor, and moreover, the few that are present appear very unengaging.

The pinnacle of embarrassment comes from Kate Hudson's number "Cinema Italiano" which seems to have come directly from an episode of a game show with sultry poses and showgirl-like dresses, which, besides being horrible to see even in a cinematic context after being bombarded by them every day at all hours, are also out of historical context. Furthermore, the song elicits laughter... and not in a good way. However, the performances are all pleasant, with some truly excellent exceptions (Cottilard, the magnificent Judi Dench, or an amazing and spritely Penelope Cruz, in the role that was Sandra Milo’s, and whose musical number astounded me completely).

The only true gem of the entire product is the wonderful "Be Italian", sung by an unrecognizable Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas (but how much weight has she gained?!?!?), in the only truly memorable number of the film, strong with an intriguing melody that immediately sticks in your head, and a really stunning choreography, rich with absolutely fascinating and seductive movements, with tambourines keeping time while sand bursts onto the screen, spinning with the dancers.

What therefore saves this product from absolute mediocrity?

Well, first of all, the exceptional cast, which meets all the expectations (always assuming one doesn't compare Day Lewis to Mastroianni), with Judy Dench and Penelope Cruz standing out prominently and a bit of regret for Kidman, beautiful but poorly utilized with just one miserable musical number that's entirely negligible.

And finally, the direction, the typically theatrical nature of Marshall, which remains capable of bringing an unheard-of charm to any performance put on screen, a charm, however, that is fleeting and fails to elevate his latest creation above a skimpy pass mark.