Ridley Scott
Alien: Covenant

Remember the review of the book SANCANE?

https://www.debaser.it/simone-amicucci/sancane/recensione

The author, Simone Amicucci, has been indulging in absurdist film reviews for years.

Here is his review of ALIEN: COVENANT, I hope you like it.

ALIEN COVENANT

Huge mess, the typical Victorian sci-fi where there’s a rich man in a Louis XVI French costume who, through gestures (the film is silent), wants to go to the edges of the moon to discover the secret of immortality to save his wife suffering from dwarfism.
So he forms a team: the hero (a well-mannered jester who says the right American things and makes promises), the scientist (a babe with glasses, symbol of science), a gruff guy with a heart of gold, and a witty genius (the comic relief) who cracks jokes even before dying (OH MY GOD! WHAT A BLACK DAY! and then he dies, you see).

The film proceeds as follows: a romantic skirmish between hero and scientist, a conflicted relationship with the gruff guy who then sacrifices himself to save them (so he wasn't bad), the funny computer expert who dies immediately (before the monster arrives, tripping on his own), a robot on board making sci-fi sounds (click, click, pew pew, laser) and says scientific things diminished ironically by the funny genius, just like any space movie from the 1800s to today.

The hero occasionally poses an ethical question here and there (do I cut the red wire or the blue wire? self-defense in space, space womb for rent) and, in short, he goes to the designated planet (location: Villa Ada) and finds a large orthodox Mayan temple where the secret of life is: blueberries that if you step on them, impregnate you with the alien (but why?) and you give birth to a robot monster that symbolizes the limits of science that if you go too far instead of curing dwarfism, you die from arrogance.

Ah, do you know how the heroes decide which is the designated planet? I swear, anyone who saw it (like me) can confirm: they turn on the radio (in space) and pick up the Beach Boys, so they choose the planet based on the music the Martians are listening to and approach the planet triumphantly dancing a gravity-defying choreography. Ridiculous.

Our heroes say many American things (THE RIGHT THING IN SPACE, promise me something in space, three meters above space etc.) and to not disappoint that wide slice of slackers who want scientific realism in a film with puppets, they slipped in that crude modern fairy tale about quantum physics, through quantum spaceships shaped like rigatoni that fly vertically just like pasta in a pot.

The Victorian rich guy symbolizes the sorcerer’s apprentices of the globalist system.
The Alien Queen represents the global financial octopus, homogenization, and hidden persuasion.
The spaceship that wants to colonize the universe represents today’s marketing companies and the market orientation that spreads homogeneous consumption models at a galactic level.
Alien symbolizes a Martian dog driven by low material impulses that make it the ideal prototype, quintessence of conformist mass imbecility.

Alien revels in its own narrow-mindedness and is the quantum symbol of the low capacity to understand the direction of one's earthly existence, symbol of global massification through the totalitarianism of the alien queen (clearly funded by Soros) which through its blueberry spores spread a unique and totalizing thought and lifestyle, though articulated in infinite and seemingly different subcategories (crustacean alien, samurai alien, alien and the bad seeds etc.).

So, why is Alien so loved?
Alien is depersonalization, the indistinct leveling where quantity, form, and number prevail over the individual.
It's a planetary idiot, a character with no appeal, just a random animal from a Martian biopark, having all possible defects, alien.
What does it do well? It is personified uncritical acceptance, a slave to oligarchic power, screams, runs haphazardly against walls, doesn't see glass and thinks it's going out but bumps instead, sees you only if you move (thus could be easily defeated by the mime from Via Condotti, who makes the rope gesture and then stays still and alien goes crazy), scratches itself, eats crumbs, hides in bags, only it's fierce like any animal raised not with love but rather with the fanatic matriarchal laws that dominate the alien queens, bees, and Etruscans.

Alien is a coward and a traitor, it sneaks up on you from behind, tattles, pretends to be a wall, swears falsely, if you kill it, it stinks (not accepting defeat) and throws venom at you out of spite, not sporty at all, unlike for example PREDATOR who is a metaphysical faithful and punctual warrior like Achilles or the Red Baron.

In short, Alien servile and idolater, blind and homogenized, Praetorian guard of terminal capitalism.

Anyway, great film, wonderful special effects made with the day/night lamp of the nativity scene.
Beautiful the scene where the heroes' missile lodges in the eye of an anthropomorphic moon in the painted cardboard backdrop of the pandoros.
The monster is a diver with a spear and snorkel, made through a hand inside a sock.
Really beautiful.

The film ends with the leaf falling in space, a scream that isn't heard in space, Villa Torlonia.