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Rating: I bought it just because it was called "Sailing the Seas of Cheese" and for the cover: beautiful, very Dalí-like.
I didn't know them at all, someone had told me their bassist was fantastic. I get home and discover the bassist also sings while playing: "well, he must be quite talented," I thought... No, Les Claypool is not just talented because he doesn't sing but emits a few sounds while reciting cartoonish silly lyrics, Les Claypool is as ugly as a bad debt and while browsing the internet you might also read somewhere that he doesn't wash and smells like a Swiss cow on migration... but Les Claypool is a genius.
I don't care if he smells, and I call myself "The Thug," so you can imagine that I too have a somewhat vague concept of decorum and presentability; I don't care that Les Claypool sings like my dad in the shower, and you won't care either, once you finish listening to this CD you'll be forced to admit that Les Claypool is a genius. Because their Funk-metal crossover blues (??) is incredibly infectious, sick, acidic, and mad.
Because Les Claypool is the best bassist of the last ten years, because at times it seems like you're hearing Zappa on acid updated to today (I repeat SOME). This is their best CD: from Les's slapped bass come sounds I didn't even know a bass could make, the drummer plays with double bass pedals on funky pieces, and just for this, he's already a legend, plus he's good and passionate enough, the guitar either goes silent or screams microscopic but dazzling solos with deafening feedback.
Les's voice... well, it will entertain you a lot. And if you happen to find something of theirs live, buy it blindly, because live they were even more shredded than on CD (stretched pieces to the max, INCREDIBLE solos, and shards of pure madness lasting thirty seconds).
This album doesn't resemble anything you've heard before, which is why it's so hard to describe; it's technique, imagination, joviality, madness. Even the lyrics are fantastic [even though the best are those of Pork Soda ("when I have a problem, I spell THC, everyone would know vaguely what I mean")], quirky, surreal yet still disorienting.
Now I know this review probably doesn't explain very well what you'll find in this CD, but I couldn't care less, those who know them have already understood everything, those who don't don't yet realize where music can go when guided by a touch of healthy and crystal-clear madness.
Tracklist Lyrics and Videos
01 Seas of Cheese (00:42)
When the going gets tough
And the stomach acids flow
The cold wind of conformity
Is nipping at your nose
When some trendy new atrocity
Has brought you to your knees
Come with us we'll sail the
Seas of Cheese
02 Here Come the Bastards (02:54)
Here they come
Here come the bastards
I heard it from a confidant -
Who heard it from a confidant
They're definitely on their way
There's one with this idea
Something about a
hammer head shark
Nosehairs and flatus
Best keep your distance because
Here they come
here come the bastards
Bury your head deep in the sand
Anonyminity is a virtue
in this day and age
Amazing hand dexterity
Flagrant misuse of security
Better run, run, run, run, run
Run Run Run Run, here they come.
03 Sgt. Baker (04:16)
Sergeant Baker is my name
I'm gonna teach you how to play the game of warfare
Suddenly it appears to me
You got a bit much dignity for your own good, boy
(Yes sir, yes sir)
I will rape your personality
Pummel you with my own philosophy
Strip you of your self integrity
To make you all just a bit like me
I said right, left, right, left
Sergeant Baker, here again
And if you call me Puddin' Tame
Well, I'll stomp you down, boy
(Uh-huh)
Steers and queers, steers and queers
Where you come from there's just steers and queers
And you ain't got no horns, boy
(Yes sir, yes sir)
I will rape your personality
Pummel you with my own philosophy
Strip you of your self-integrity
To make you all just a bit like me
I say right, left, right, left
I say right, left, right, left
One, two...
Sergeant Baker is my name
I'm gonna teach you how to play the game of warfare
Suddenly it appears to me
You got a bit much dignity for your own good, boy
(Yes sir, yes sir)
I said right, left, right, left
(repeat)
04 American Life (04:32)
In a town in southernmost Sicily
Lived a family too proud to be poor
In the year that fever took father away
They hastened for American shores
Now a mother and her son are standing in line
It's a cold day on Ellis Isle
And they look to the Statue of Liberty
For the boy we have American Life
Ong is a Laotian refugee
He works in the audio trade
The smoke from flux is filling his lungs
He's earning minimum wage
Spending spare time down on
San Pablo ave
Once a week gets a woman for the night
And he writes home tales of prosperity
For the boy we have American Life
Bob is an unemployed veteran
Born and bred in the South Bronx
He's living off the streets down in east L.A.
Residing in a cardboard box
Now he plays a little quit and he has a small dog
Searching for aluminum cans
And he hold on tight to his dignity
He was born into American Life
05 Jerry Was a Race Car Driver (03:10)
Jerry was a race car driver
He drove so goddamned fast
He never did win no checkered flag
But he never did come in last
Jerry was a race car driver
He'd say "El solo number one"
With a bocephus sticker on his 442
He'd light 'em up just for fun
Captain Pierce was a fireman
Richmond engine #3
I'll be a wealthy man when I get a dime
For all the things that man taught to me
Captain Pierce was a strong man
Strong as any man alive
It stuck in his craw
That they made him retire at the age of 65
"Dog will hunt"
Jerry was a race car driver
22 years old
Had too many cold beers one night
And wrapped himself around a telephone pole
06 Eleven (04:19)
I just can't seem to blend
Into society
I have no hope for this dim
Simplicity of law and order
By whose rules I see no rhyme in
the reason
I hold no hope for this holy treason
Of love and so soft
By whose standards
They tell me, they tell me
Who are they, who is they
07 Is It Luck? (03:27)
My socks and shoes always match
Is it luck?
There's a foot at the end of each of my legs
Is it luck?
Well, I can play my bass for you
Is it luck?
Some gals like to kiss my face
Is it luck? Is it luck
Is it luck? x5
Is it luck, luck, luck, well is it?
There was food inside your mouth today
Is it luck?
Your barber cuts your hair just so
Is it luck?
Well, you can caunt to ten and back again
Is it luck?
When the taste of sex is on you lips
Is it luck? Is it luck?
Is it luck? x5
Is it luck, well is it?
Cyanide works oh so fast
Is it luck?
Polyester makes you sweat
Is it luck?
If a grahm cracker gets you off
Is it luck?
Love, Love?
Is it luck? Is it luck?
Is it luckx6
Is it luck, well is it?
Said she wanted my body, not my mind.
So, I showed her my dictionary,
showed her the words that I know,
not quite desiring to and how loquacious
I can be when I set my mind down to it.
But she wasn't impressed.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!
She wasn't impressed at all, she whispered in my ear.
She whispered in my ear and she said
"Do you want to get lucky, little boy?"
Well, I smiled. Smiled and I said
Is it luck? x6
Is is luck?
Luck x17
Is it luck? x4
09 Tommy the Cat (04:15)
" well I remember as though it were a meal ago"
Said Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter
may have nestled its way into his mighty throat.
Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank down
the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine.
Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator.
Tommy the cat had many a story to tell,
But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did.
She came slidin' down the alleyway like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit.
The aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in even the
oldest of Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days.
The sight was beyond belief.
Many a head snapped for double - even triple - takes as this vivacious
feline made her her way into the delta of the alleyway where the most
virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out.
They hung in droves. Such a multitude of masculinity could only be
found in one place...
And that was O'malley's Alley.
The air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended),
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch
as she sauntered straight into the heart of the alleyway.
She knew what she wanted.
She was lookin' for that stud bull, she was looking for that he cat.
And that was me.
Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee...
Say baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby do you wanna lay down by my side
Ah baby do you wanna lay down with me
Say baby?...Say baby?
11 Those Damned Blue-Collar Tweekers (05:19)
I've seen them out at Soco
They're pounding sixteen penny nails
The truckers on the interstate
Have been known to ride the rails
The sweat is beating on the brow
Can't keep these fellas down
'Cause those damned blue-collared tweekers
Are runnin' this here town
I knew a man who hung drywall
He hung it mighty quick
A trip or two to the blue room
Would help him do the trick
His foreman would pat him on the back
Whenever he would come around
'Cause these dammed blue-collar tweekers
Are beloved in this here town
Now the union boys are there
To protect us from all the corporate type
While curious George's drug patrol
Is out here hunting snipe
Now they try to tell me different
But you know I ain't no clown
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
Are the backbone of this town
Now the flame that burns twice as bright
Burns only half as long
My eyes are growing weary
As I finalize this song
So sit back and have a cup o' joe
And watch the wheels go round
'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers
Have always run this town
13 Los Bastardos (02:38)
"You bastards!"
Here they come... (repeat)
"Shut up, you bastards!"
"You just called me a bastard, didn't you?"
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Other reviews
By lafinedelcastagno
The ability to make pieces based on absurd tapping, menacing march-nursery rhymes, and seemingly erratic bass lines irresistible and even catchy.
Ultimately this album is perhaps the pinnacle of the production of the San Francisco trio... and after 13 years it remains ever-current.
By De...Marga...
"The number ONE and it could not be otherwise with the brilliant name they bear."
"I want to thank Les, Larry, and Tim ... who managed to dethrone from the heights of my listening a trio of musicians I rightly considered unsurpassable."
