Dear big-headed werewolves, today I was getting bored because of the annoying rain, so purely out of enjoyment, I decided to write a second-rate horoscope for the debasiani.

Aries: a great day for work, less so for love. You'll get a fungus on your right big toe, so stock up on cream.
Taurus: you're a stubborn devil; rather than fighting to prove your point, make peace. And treat yourself to a plate of pasta every now and then, or soon you'll be only shitting Chinese noodles.
Gemini: it will be a sunny and joyful Sunday, with an unprecedented peak in love. The family lunch is canceled due to a wild boar that destroyed your father-in-law's field.
Cancer: Jupiter will guarantee a golden moment for work, but your partner will leave you. For a filthy hick fan of Tokio Hotel.
Leo: you get mad about everything; I suggest you spend more time with your family. Otherwise, make yourself a carbonara and stay in bed all day.
Virgo: it will be a surprising day, with Mercury bringing you lots of luck. You'll also find the missing sticker from your 2002 World Cup album.
Libra: I foresee a lot of sadness and loneliness for you; go visit an old friend. And clean your room.
Scorpio: plenty of lightness and cheerfulness, you'll find the perfect balance between family and work. However, you'll overdo it and wake up on Monday morning at the Uffizi, where you'll wait for someone to call for help.
Sagittarius: Mars will give way to Neptune, bringing you a tough and busy day. Moreover, you’ve run out of all edible items, so you'll have to nourish yourself with cellulose.
Capricorn: a Sunday full of troubles, but you can always hope for a stroke of luck. You need to stop joggling.
Aquarius: love seems to be blooming again; let's hope for the best in the future. Your lover will leave you.
Pisces: you need to get back up; tough times happen, but don’t let them get you down. You'll finally manage to have dinner at Grandma's.