Oren Peli
Paranormal Activity

The film that terrified America..

All of it? Really all of it? No way, I'm rushing to the cinema!

Don't trust the trailers..

"You know, yesterday I went to see Paranormal Activity and I must say it's really worth it, truly unsettling..".

Don't trust friends..

If I had to rank, not just the last few years, but all the films I've seen in my life, this one definitely deserves the undisputed top spot on the podium.. But then you absolutely can't miss it! No, no, you definitely can, actually you must!!

Bad, bad, really bad. In a few words.. Bad!

But in the sense of bad because it's scary? No, in the sense that it's scary how bad it is.

Not a startle, not a shiver down the spine, no jump out of the chair, nothing.. A damn nothing at all..

I struggled to stay awake, let alone epileptic seizures, shock, fainting in the theatre.. Deadly boring.

There's these two idiots, Micha and Katie, who play with the camera as if we were on Big Brother (it could be defined as a "Big Brother" slightly paranormal), but why are they playing with the camera? Amateur porn? No.. She has been followed since the tender age of 8 by a vague spirit (that remains vague and purposeless throughout the film) that goes "Boo!" to her at night. Doors bang, invisible entity footprints on the floor traced with the cunning baby powder on the ground, lights going on and off, always a noise around 02:00 AM or so like a damn train passing close to the house, suspicious noises.. So her boyfriend's genius idea is to record every single step they take (bathroom included) with a super very hi-tech camera to have tangible proof of the ultraterrestrial experience.. (The weakest and lamest of the last 120 years of horror films). Brilliantly ingenious!

The story goes that Katie's house was destroyed in a fire, but even after moving, the mysterious entity has followed her over the years to do the regular "Peekaboo!" stuff. So even in this house, there's the unwanted guest wrecking havoc always at night, never allowing the poor victims to sleep. But to scare it, Micha is there! In fact, as the paranormal manifestations increase and the tension rises (?!?), our fearless knight without blemish or fear, dauntlessly roams around the house in boxers and a t-shirt, threatening and challenging the Unknown with remarks like: "Show yourself! Where are you! Is this all you can do? You bore me now! Hey Gringo, this place ain't big enough for the both of us..". Stuff like that.. And the spirit, terribly frightened, ceases to appear only to come back and pester them the following night. (I personally would have added a big "You're just talk and a badge, talk and a badge!".. I think that would have been great! What? Noo??? "Hey you, you talking to me? Yeah, you talkin' to me? You said to me? Fuck you, oh fuck you, yeah you got it right fuck you!").

But mostly I wonder: who among you, dealing with a supposed Demon that chooses your house for its alternate parties every night, waking you up abruptly with bangs and suspicious noises, would venture out every time forgetting to at least turn on a damn light? Especially since the stairs are right outside the bedroom door, eager to always promise the Texan with eyes of ice and his lady hilarious, acrobatic and pyrotechnic falls, complete with bone-breaking at will.. Also splendid was the idea of attempting communication through the brilliant idea of using a ouija board (stuff never seen before).

The most interesting moments occur when Katie has sleepwalking experiences (stands for an hour staring at Micha as he sleeps, and you wake up and go: "Hey, what are you staring at? Are you out of your mind?", then goes down to the garden in a sort of trance.. Brrrr!) and at the end.. Yeah, as if I need to tell you..

These "nightly" moments are badly interrupted and "broken" by the implausible "daytime" life, where their conversations, after actually experiencing that something annoys the hell out of them every night and even filming and recording voices and noises, are simply embarrassing and dead boring: they are blissfully unconcerned, with as much worry as "Damn, I forgot to buy cigarettes today, now what do I smoke? Earl Grey tea? Do we have any papers? Well, is there crepe paper? Damn, I have to roll up the Fabriano again!".

They never call anyone despite having the world outside their door (at least those in "The Blair Witch Project" were lost in an obnoxiously huge forest!), except a friend and a psychic who shows up a couple of times, the first time to ask them what they eat, drink, and if they go regularly, advising in the end to consult a specialist, his friend, in "Demons and the like", because that's not really his area of expertise. He's specialized in "ghostology".. What a damn bad luck! Obviously, when they decide, after countless heroic feats of Micha standing as the justice champion to stop the "Unnamable Creature from Beyond", to call someone who might actually have a clue, coincidentally, the guy is away and won't be back for a few days! The second time the "ghostologist" appears, as soon as he enters the house, he immediately feels the presence of this mythical Entity and dismisses them with these words: "I feel it, He doesn't want me here, sorry but I must absolutely leave.. Now! I will help you, don't worry, but I can't stay a minute longer!".. And off he goes faster than light..

This guy is always carrying around that damn camera glued to his hand, and eventually, you really feel like shoving it… Yes, right there!

When the film ends, you're dumbfounded for a few seconds and then you immediately say "Oh my God, what an immense crap, damn it!".

But why did I use so many "Damn it!".. Oh yes, because the guy keeps saying "Damn" throughout the film, and she responds with "Oh my God! Oh my God!" (With a pathos and expression of dismay mixed with fear similar to the temperature of liquid nitrogen).

Conclusion: either the marketing campaign for this film was meticulously crafted to make you throw away money on something truly unwatchable, or the Americans are really a bunch of absolute idiots..

The choice is yours.. Make your move.

P.S.: BOO!

P.S. II: Oh but.. It's 02:30 AM.. What the hell is that noise????? Oh my God!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

....

Cornell's body was found the next day by the police..

The whereabouts of his beloved partner remains a mystery.