Orlando Corradi
Bentornato Pinocchio

Did you know there is an Italian animation company capable of making even Dingo pictures look pale in comparison?

And did you know these fine folks even had the courage to mock (whether intentionally or unintentionally doesn’t matter) the story of the Titanic with a lousy animated version of Cameron's film, where people talk to animals, an octopus named Tentacolino moves the iceberg towards the ship and later even puts it back together (???), and suddenly nobody dies, people celebrate Tentacolino, and the TRUE story of the Titanic is all nonsense?

Fortunately, such abominations haven't been seen again...

ehm...ok, they actually made a sequel to this crap, (what a bunch of idiots) but the pinnacle, as if Merdanic wasn't unbelievable enough, is reached with Bentornato Pinocchio, a 2007 animated film where, instead of remaking the entire original story of the wooden puppet, they decide to make a proper sequel. And it would have been a good idea...if Studio Ghibli had done it.

The animation firstly is pretty crappy. The drawings are crude, and the quality of the backgrounds and settings is very reminiscent of a Dingo pictures film made with a computer instead of the usual crayons. It all reminds me a lot of the Jesus films they show in the morning on rai 2 and, wouldn't you know, these guys have also made about a dozen cartoons about Jesus, who would've thought?

The story begins with the very blonde Geppetto being warned by the blue fairy about the curse of the "omino di burro," which can turn Pinocchio back into a wooden puppet...did I hear that right? The curse of the "omino di burro"? What the hell is that?

In the book, the "omino di burro" is the coachman who takes children to the land of toys where they were transformed into donkeys for their laziness. But I didn't think the coachman (I prefer to call him that) had any magical powers...

Oh well, never mind. So, the fairy explains to Geppetto to watch over Pinocchio because if he plays a prank, he will turn back into a puppet. In fact, she won't be able to help him as she is going on vacation or something.

But Geppetto doesn't tell Pinocchio about the fairy's visit or the curse. What a great parent you are, congratulations!

Subsequently in a...swamp in Tuscany? Oh well, there are the cat and the fox who meet a zombie policeman and a robot cat...yes, you heard right, but don't worry, from Mondo TV I expect anything.

The cat, the fox, and the other 2 human cases go to the house of the so-called "omino di burro," now trying to steal Christmas. Really?

So they kidnap Santa, and dressed as Santa Claus, the robot cat asks Pinocchio to steal the school cashbox to give it to the city's poor, and smart Pinocchio falls for it and turns back into a puppet.

So, together with a dog he calls Winner (what a cool name xD), he goes to the fairy's villa to ask for help, but since the good father Geppetto didn't mention a word about her absence, they go to see if at least the cricket is there, but no.

So Pinocchio, on his way back home, meets a gypsy named Gypsy (congratulations on the originality) and starts selling balloons with him, since he doesn't care about Geppetto & co. or the curse anymore, right?

But when he asks a fortune teller where the blue fairy is, she finds nothing. Then, however, instead of the fairy, the head of the "omino di burro" appears, but it seems that Pinocchio doesn't give a damn about going back there for a second, even seeing the fortune teller warning him to go back, but nooo! Instead, he returns to the land of toys, so he can turn back into a donkey, escape, and go to the North Pole to rescue Santa Claus along with the talking cricket suddenly appearing out of nowhere to be his conscience, I dare say a perfect job, given he's a donkey again! And where the hell has he been all this time?

But the oddities don't end here, since Pinocchio, Winner, and the cricket REALLY go all the way from Tuscany to the North Pole, (eh,get it!) meet a "knight of lost principles" (by the way, contained in bags? WTF?), find a polar bear with a son who can speak (yes, animals talk when you become a donkey...), reach the pole helped by some storks and go rescue Santa's helpers from the bad guys.

Here's another huge absurdity, because two donkey-boys, telling a lie to the young polar bear, turn back into humans! But why are they screwing up the whole moral principle of the book, what the hell are these guys doing?

Then the fairy arrives, fixes everything, and turns the "omino di burro" into real butter, so the poor can use it to prepare food. And suddenly the film even becomes a surrogate of cannibal holocaust.

The robot and the zombie policeman become donkeys and are used in a circus. But Pinocchio gets mad at the tamer, and the donkeys give a nice spinning kick to his face, so Pinocchio turns back into a real boy and they all lived happily ever after.

I mean...really?

Bentornato Pinocchio is possibly the worst work derived from Collodi, even the fiction with Litizzetto as the talking cricket compared to this garbage is Oscar-worthy. We Italians are not animation experts; few things are worth saving, among them the 1972 animated Pinocchio by Giuliano Cenci, that is a real animated film.

But the best way to summarize it all, as "il morandini" says:

«commissioned to low-cost Asian designers of very poor quality who copy the technique of Japanese cartoons. Convoluted plot, music below the level of the Zecchino d'Oro.»(from Wikipedia).