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Rating: THE REVIEW
I've always wondered where that jerk Bruce Banner hid his clothes after transforming into Hulk. Putting aside the fortune spent on clothes, where the hell did he keep them, around the corner? It must be that way, because I don't think he was the type to walk around with his bird swinging to scare the ladies! And then, in the history of TV shows/comics, I don't think there's a bigger fool than him!! Peter Parker might have been a dope to get bitten by a spider just to peek at Marj Jane's cleavage, but damn, he then became Spiderman, fascinating, sinuous, probably with two penises and eight testicles, but damn, they surely helped him to have a grand time! Clark Kent (damn, how did they not know he was Superman…) with his blue suit and red cape could have easily been part of a Villane People mega orgy, but hell, he was SUUUPEERMAN!!!! Bruce Wayne may have had a soft spot for Robin, but would you put him in that gray - black suit fluttering around all of Gotham City? Inimitable... Instead, Bruce Banner, a complete fool, gets a massive dose of gamma rays and turns into a three-meter-tall green dunce! Maybe he had a 50 cm long member, but who noticed? No one. Everyone running away and shouting: The monster!!!!!
Well, you must be wondering what Hulk has to do with Metallica, well, it does.
Inside each of us is an equally green fool, and to unleash it, we don't need fucking gamma rays but rather to listen to any album by these four American pricks after the Black Album. Load? Start the album, and the muscles will start bulging, the member will burst through your underwear, and an inhuman cry will rise above what these four babblers want to pass off as music. But we, brothers, can use this weapon against them: let's all put on Load, transform ourselves, and go kick their asses!!!!! Imagine what a three-meter-high green orgy of beings could do to these four empty-headed fools!!!! We'd take out Hetfield with guitar necks shoved up his ass; Hammett (oh, there's a trans in the house of fucking Metallica brother) would be awaited by a massive collective fart to make him go into perpetual acid trip; Newstad? Noooo, he ran away, let's forget about him...; Trujllo? Poor thing, it has nothing to do with it, needed money and is too lousy to prostitute himself; but the best service would be reserved for the little dwarf...
Yes, brothers, he is indeed the greatest evil of Metallica, he is the one who denied ever being metal, as if Metal Militia had been written by some other damn band. Well, for the dwarf we need all our intelligence, so we return to being ourselves, with ripped clothes, cock and pussy swinging and without change, but ourselves. And we have to think because the dwarf is clever and malicious... Well, I have an idea: we kick him into his drum kit, bury him like a time machine, and wait, wait, wait... In a couple of centuries, future generations will uncover him, what do you think they'll find?
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Summary by Bot
This review blends humor with harsh criticism of Metallica's Load album and its members. By comparing the band's music to unleashing an inner 'green fool,' the author highlights both the raw energy of the album and their disappointment with the band. The playful superhero metaphors add a quirky, irreverent lens while challenging fans to power up and confront Metallica's evolution after the Black Album.
Metallica
Metallica is an American heavy metal band formed in 1981 by James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich. They rose from the Bay Area thrash scene with early albums like Kill 'Em All and Ride the Lightning, achieved mainstream success with 1991's Metallica (The Black Album), and have released a long-running and often debated catalog since.173 Reviews
Other reviews
By cliffburton86
We need to be objective: 'Load' is not worthy of the name Metallica, it is not worthy of belonging to the discography of the greatest metal band ever.
Metallica has always evolved... This album may or may not be liked, because it did indeed distance many fans, but it also gave many the opportunity to approach Metallica and gradually even the more powerful metal.
By kissarmy
"Load is a controversial and complex album because it has the complexity of Metallica but it is not thrash metal; rather, it is a mix of hard rock blended with blues."
"The worst song ever written by Hetfield and company... This piece is utterly horrible, and even a 9-year-old would refuse to listen to this crap."
By Deviljin
Load is the most experimental album of their career, pushing beyond their normal standards to stay creative.
Bleeding Me is hypnotic and evocative, one of the best pieces ever written by Metallica.
By Rage
This album seems sincere, heartfelt, a change they owed to themselves, being consistent with themselves even at the expense of the audience.
It’s been ten years since I last spoke with the Metallica. They are like those jerk relatives whom you always revered... and who at some point turned their backs on you.
