Merdallica
Master Of Puppets

SOCIAL EXPERIMENT: (I will listen to the albums in full and write what comes to mind in those precise moments, stay tuned because there will also be a Coop with a funny debby character in the future)

I just evacuated my first turd, cold seat and water splashes between the butt cheeks. Acoustic guitar that explodes into an imperial march (strange eh?) these Merdallica intros are all kind of the same. Then the farmhands come who (try) to play at the speed of light, it's difficult to turn the cultivated fields, but they never leave a fallow. Then boom they're vaguely angry, they've run out of battery in the car and are shouting out loud in pretty desolate lands, but they don't give a damn as long as they play pitchforks, shovels, and pickaxes. Barely 3 minutes and I already want to turn everything off, but for all of you I will make this enormous effort, I'm afraid it won’t last long also because now I have filled the bowl and they made me lose the urge, but I will continue insulting them. ENOUGH WITH THIS DRUMS, but do people at concerts actually sing too? CHEMICAL BATTERY? Or finally, the title track starts that has fired up the young lads for the past 30 years, which of you guitarists (?) has never tried to do that finger intertwining that was impossible for beginners and for those possessed by crap it’s like: "You can't play". Heidfield starts and right behind Frentzen and Mika Hakkinen. Obey your PUUUPPEEETS PUPPETS MUPPETS, now I chuckle a bit imagining Kermit singing this song, it would be much nicer than these Americans pretending to be Vikings, with the little monster playing the drums definitely better than the bald Scandinavian and maybe with the blind professor's assistant doing MI MI ... MI MI ... MI MIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oh, now here's the nerve-wracking part that all the merdallare like, that thing that if Motley Crue had done everyone would be screaming "It's not MERDAL" well, well, calm down, it's always a ballad part, right? I'm wiping my butt as the reprise starts with all those palm mutes. Then boom they continue to be angry, then the solo starts that the Trek’s Kirk keeps repeating in every album, lasting less than I remembered, then random parts to stretch the broth, not those nice granny's broths with the home chickens but with Star or Knorr cubes. Then the verse part starts again and even this time I want to turn everything off, I don't even know why I'm doing it, but life is beautiful and on St. Stephen’s... well, why do we even have St. Stephen’s for? Is it a holiday because Jesus Baby was born? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? At least the song is over, but I know there's another ""ballad"" the place where these 4 jerks should go. Artificial harmonics and then the arpeggio pattern NEVER USED EVER by Merdallica in their songs, this is the headbanging in slow motion song, then when the chorus kicks in it's all FRRRRRRR FRRRRRRRRRRR that you can't even understand what's happening, and luckily I'm not reviewing and justice for all, otherwise with Blackened that very fast intro, but then what's with these speed merdal people? Okay, you're obsessed, you manage to do magic tricks with the guitar and so? Go to Cirque du Soleil they will pay you well. And here comes the ass-kicking part that hits every beat, like all other merdal genres, then Metallica always play in E Major, worse than Ligavacca. *kkk solo. Completely useless parts just to make minutes, they sure had few ideas huh, 8 songs with useless parts inside and they even made an album every "a ton" of years. Okay, Pink Floyd also made 5 songs, but do we want to compare an Echoes or an Atom Heart Mother full of ideas and good changes? No like SENATERI AH that ends like the GOTTARDO AND BEANS PROJECT BAND with the crashes come on, it's like the old folks still listening to deep purple, oh yes then the part with the uglier songs started. It always feels like listening to the same song and I'm not even halfway through the album, I'll never be able to finish it.

OOOOOOOOPS by mistake the player gets stuck and Orion starts playing, well it does well for my mental health haha... Well, Orion as you all know is an immense bore, they’re only good fried, and with ketchup I like them with mayo too but I wouldn't know what else to tell you, I only know that someone much cooler made a cover of it... curious... go look for it I'm uh listening to Baster Ov Muppets. There are people who listen to this album and even get hyped, I'd like to congratulate them on this feat they accomplished, probably with those hair down their butt, besides wiping it, they plug their ear canals, and it feels like listening to grandma Pina's tagliatelle. I'm listening to the album on the Tube if it's not clear and I read it has almost 3 million views, CONGRATULATIONS! All people going with the merdallare eating mortadella and then complain -"But Merdallica aren't what they used to be, with loderilod they really fell a mustache, they should have cut it before conquering Poland, bla bla it was much better, you know, there was nofing els crap" And yeah well talking to people who think the Back Albus is their best thing is like talking to Vasco Rossi fans, rabble that turns into stadium ultras, not just fans, people with knives and beer bottles to throw on stage when much better musicians than Basco pass by and for inferiority like all italiots, they insult those who are superior to belittle them thanks to the strength of collectivity, a thing created by cathocommunists in the 70s. Hallelujah Orion is over and now the last song starts, I hope, Feel Good Inc by Gorillaz, certainly the best song of the album, if nothing else because it's the last and you know that after this there will be nothing more to listen to. I've flushed the water, bidet done, and at many moments during listening, I had the urge to evacuate again because as the album started, Merdallica continues to dig and dig hard, but not Frank Zappa, oh don't bring saints down from paradise, work hoe. Well, here’s another anonymous song, TURUTURUTURUTURTRTRTRTTRTRTRTRTTRTRTRTRTRTTRTR I get why the merdallari go with the merdallare and why they play at these insane speeds like diggers, the sloppy flabby merdallare have become trigger insensitive and only those with the power of MERDAL can make them feel something, and then black squirts like cuttlefish, IT'S OVER, finally, I must say that now I might just start listening to FKA Twigs...

1.drums high rating
2. Maste ov Puppets 4+-4 rating
3.Senateri ah FRRR rating
4.merdal#1 v
5.merdal#2
6.merdal#3 vot
7.onions salami rating
8.feel good inc. TRTR rating