Mastodon
Leviathan

THE REVIEW

I waited far too long to find it, but in the end, I succeeded. I finally found the band that identifies with the word "calcinculo" (written as one word). I'm not talking about the fastest, most violent, heaviest band, no way; it's easy to point at a grind-core band and say "wow, these guys really hit hard, they're calcinculo!", even easier would be to say of a black metal band "hihi hahahahaha, how pathetic!" (indeed, it would be too easy).

This concept is difficult to explain in 1800 characters, easily misunderstood, and not very easy to grasp for someone who listens to power metal. (In this regard, I invite all Gamma Ray listeners to stop reading, go out, take the dragon for a pee, and collect the bard costume from the dry cleaners). I understand the power metal fans who came in, saw the whale and the boat, and thought: "Yeeeeaaaaah, super epic Tupa Tupa Tupa!!!". Who cares, you got fooled. Mastodon tricked you with the excuse of a concept based on Moby Dick. But especially YOU, who confuse Mastodon with Masterplan. Admit it, power metal fans, you came in thinking "yes, they're the ones Power Zone praises, the ones with the former Helloween drummer, it's them, the whale, Fabio told me so (damn, all the power metal listeners are named Fabio), I'm sure". It's always you, can you hear how my best friend Brann Dailor hits? Eh, can you hear it? Uli Kush is nothing compared to Brann, the friendliest drummer in the world eats your power metal drummer with polenta and mushrooms. Tell them Brann, that there's no one like you. Come on everyone, "BRANN DAI-LOR, BRANN DAI-LOR" go for it damn it!!! (to be sung with a raspy voice as if just extinguished, those who go to the south curve in Milan will understand this). In Mastodon, there are people from TODAY IS THE DAY, not from Helloween, don't you dare compare reverend Steve Austin with that German priest Kai Hansen. NO! NO! NO! Can you believe it, both the immense (Mastodon) and those Hammerfall jerks grew up listening to Maiden and look at the difference at thirty years old, the first bring down the roofs of arenas, the others bore their listeners. The concept of "calcinculo" doesn't reside in your minds, power metal fans.

Maybe I'll try to explain it to you because you evoke tenderness, but don't tell my Straight Edge friends, they'll make my nose bleed with headbutts. It all sums up in a phrase of my legendary grandfather (known as Gintantarobba). "Power is nothing without control" (bow). Not Pirelli, Tronchetti Provera was looking for tantarobba in the herbalist shop (called larrobbadura of Gin) and heard this gem coming out of grandpa’s mouth, adapting it to the commercial of his small tire company (which determined his fortune, but also a bit of Afef's). Trust my grandfather, he was a serious and reliable person before he started going around the streets with the shoehorn still attached to his foot or his pants on backward. He was a man to be trusted. Thinking about it now, that phrase is perfectly suited to the four from Atlanta. Mastodon represents the proof of controlled power at the service of mass destruction. Look at the previous album Remission. Tell me if people who make metal-core aren't laughable with titles like "Trilobites". They don't make you laugh at all; rather, they're terrifying, I can't listen to them in the car because I'd crash, I have to listen to them sparingly because they are addictive... I found the musical alter ego of kicks in the butt.

PS: A big big shoutout goes to that number one agency LIVEITALY (or whatever it's called) that managed to piss off Mr. Smile Brann Dailor with their imaginary snowstorms. Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

PPS: Hooray for babes.