Lordi
The Monsterican Dream

THE REVIEW

Sick, sick, sick, sick. 

Don Lordi and his band are a group of mentally ill people. They deserve to be locked up in an asylum for life. They also deserve to have the key to their manic cells thrown into the bottom of an erupting volcano, never to be recovered. There. That’s the fate this band truly deserves.

But, no. We have to endure them, with their ridiculous carnival costumes, their over-the-top glamour, and their "evil dead-style" look. With Don Lordi who, when he sings, seems to have a perpetual hoarseness in his throat. With the rest of the band accompanying their singer in the chorus of the refrains, with those guitars churning out damn rocky and sharp riffs. With their crazy attitude that draws far too shamelessly from the most horrific Alice Cooper and the most streetwise and sly Bon Jovi. Why, God? Why do You allow these guys (?) to invade our music market with their songs? Why do You allow songs like "Blood Red Sandman", the overly catchy "My Heaven Is Your Hell" and "Pet The Destroyer" and the martial "The Children Of The Night" (who said "Children of the Damned"?) to let our metalhead butts jump at every single note? Don't You know that this way we cause incurable nth degree bruises for ourselves? Don't You know that music, especially of this kind, causes absolute addiction? That addiction that, slowly but surely, forces you to buy an entire band's discography, regardless of whether the album is ultimately great or terrible? DON'T YOU KNOW!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

NO. Apparently, You don't know......