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Rating: Enthusiasts of Z-Movie from all over the world, Unite!
The unknown director (?) Lee Demarbre and the equally unknown screenwriter Ian Driscoll in 2001 sign this cinematographic "work" of rare strangeness.
The plot is as absurd, blasphemous, and traumatic as it gets.
In an unspecified Canadian city, the evil Doctor Praetorius discovers a way to make vampires survive in sunlight: the skin of lesbian women!!! Thus he begins to create an army of undead lesbians led by the alluring Maxine Shrek. A priest, worried about the degeneration into violence and the grim fate of the city's lesbians, decides to enlist (through the intervention of two seminarians, a punk with a mohawk and an effeminate blond guy) the champion of Christianity: Jesus Christ, who is peacefully on a small beach.
The hero, as per action movie canon, will initially refuse the mission (being busy baptizing, drinking lemonade, preaching, and comparing humans to a sandcastle), but will be convinced by the intervention of the vampires who will kill the two envoys, making him mad as a lamb and convincing him to use his "divine Kung-Fu" to wipe out the bloodsuckers. In this adventure (in which he will have to face a group of whacky atheists with punches and kicks) he will be accompanied by two other questionable characters: Santo, a Mexican lucha libre wrestler with a mask, and Mary Magnum, a voluptuous church agent (who doesn't recognize a tribute to Russ Meyer in detention behind the chalkboard!!!). The film's apotheosis will occur in a mega final brawl in a club (Vampires are also killed with Holy Beer) and in the dialectical confrontation between Jesus and his father (yes, exactly "Our Lord") who will appear to him as a black cherry ice cream cup!
As can be easily inferred, we are in the realm of the purest trash: absurdity and blasphemy go hand in hand with a good dose of amateurish splatter, technically speaking, it's a film entirely shot in 16mm, acted by non-professional actors who are friends of the director (sometimes they are seen giggling merrily among themselves), with fairly ridiculous fight choreography. Content-wise, one faces a z-movie that risks falling into boredom, but is saved by some brilliantly unhealthy ideas with funny and blasphemous lines and scenes: the screenplay's flaws, special effects that sometimes fall into the ridiculous, dubbing and amateur acting (to put it mildly...) still appear functional to the overall "raggedness" of the film which sits a notch above Troma's American productions.
The first testament says "an eye for an eye." - The second testament says "love thy neighbour" - The third testament ... Kicks Ass!!!
A clarification and a postscript: I do not rate the film as it would be paradoxical to give it either a 1 or a 5. The film is hard to find, except on P2P networks.
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