Laura Pausini
Resta in ascolto

"MANIFESTO IN DEFENSE OF THE SACRED RIGHT TO MEDIOCRITY".

Dated February 13, 2006,

Today sees the light of the 1st manifesto in defense of the Sacred Right to Mediocrity by a large and substantial number of Italian artists seriously concerned about the bad direction that Italian Music could take in the coming years.

With this manifesto, in fact, we intend to assert the sacred right to publish musical works with: A) little depth, B) poor quality, and C) low tendency to originality.

OHH LLA'... when needed, it's needed.

This is because even the "lower" rank citizens or people commonly defined as ignorant or simple-minded, in short, "our audience" that loves us so much, should fully have the right to listen to "their" music in peace, to sing in the shower or to put on headphones when they go to get bread by bike from Signora Mariuccia, without feeling guilty for not knowing who Calla, Stephen Malkmus, or Godspeed You Black Emperor are.
Who are they? Better than us? Are they on MTV? So what?

We therefore intend to introduce the following simple rules that should also be shared (perhaps reviewed by the Chamber or Senate or just reviewed) and accepted by anyone who intends to make music in Italy and possibly make a living from it, as we have been doing for years, end of discussion:

1. Abolish the concept of beauty linked to the intrinsic quality of the songs: songs are beautiful if one hums the chorus after listening to it 1 or 2 times at most, the rest are just fantasies or stuff worthy of the Tenco Prize.

2. Remove any reference to depth or literary thickness linked to the lyrics: the lyrics must speak, in order of importance, of: Love-Hate, friendship-enmity, opportunities-regrets, betrayals, football and not much else. Not so many troubles because there isn't much more to tell...

3. Reintroduce the much-loved rhyming metric to avoid complications in writing the lyrics, hell, then we have to waste precious minutes that I don't have time and neither does my lyricist. Otherwise, you write them for us, send them, and it'll be quicker.

4. Song titles are better short and easy to understand (do I really need to explain? Everyone remembers "Volare-oo" and almost no one "Only a healthy inconsolable lust jumps the young who is the same and is the action..." well, we understand... that Zucchero song)

5. In general, we want to suppress everything that deviates from what has already been heard and thoroughly chewed, those that use strange words in the lyrics, for example "abnegation", "kaleidoscope", "deontology", "reiteration", in short, words that induce minimal psycho-cerebral effort or, worse, the fear of feeling deficient compared to someone who might instead understand. Okay, this one's tough, we'll cut it out later...

6. Always welcome easy words radically integrated into the current lexicon: WELL words like "love" (with all the rhymes that can accompany it like "heartbeat", "heart", "pain", "a few hours" etc.), "you and me" and variants, "melancholy" and derivatives - ABSOLUTELY banned "stench", "spite", "pomposity" and others due to the reasons explained earlier.

7. Keep the chords as much as possible in the C chord or D chord for lots of joy and catchiness, without the possibility of paying too much attention to the music, which is the least of our problems. Otherwise, same as point 3 and it'll be quicker!

8. Chords in E7 or G Sharp Minor and all minor or semi-tone chords should be banned as they sadden the songs, giving them that sheen of melancholy that certain wayward and nihilist listeners like, very often communists or '70s Prog or Brazilian music lovers (yuck!) or what postmen like (the "post-rock" right? What's so funny?! Well, let's move on...).

9. The more the track's rhythm is joyful, banal, and above all already heard, the fewer problems you have with certain listeners who might ask uncouth and strange questions and force us to give sensible answers. As in: take what the convent gives you and don't complain!

10. Strongly recommended is the use of guitars or saxes repeating the melody of the chorus (without voice) and ending the song by extending it by at least 30 seconds or more, better with vocalizations or the last words repeated ad libitum like Giorgia... oops! I meant "until the end of the track".

11. Goes without saying that people banned from the profession of "Italian Singer" are: ugly people, loser '68ers, genuine artists or people who don't have the winning and cool look (good musicians should abstain, as the Major circles are tightly closed, the others... too!)

12. Last point: avoid embarking on this profession if you are not the CHILDREN OF..., if you are not endorsed by XYZ or daddy doesn't throw 50 thousand euros on the table just for fun.

13. In summary of all this, I strongly recommend my album "Resta in ascolto", my latest studio effort and a true digest of the points listed above.

With this Manifesto of intentions, we want to emphasize to the next government, right or left it doesn't matter, the importance of giving the right value to Italian music in the world, to let it grow and multiply, without too much fuss since we just need to live on it for another ten years and then, who cares and what's done is done...

Long live Italy, long live Italian Music, and long live the Italians too!!

(Mino, stop? NINO NOO? Mino... guys, do you want to gag him?!... GUYS, don't make him sing... MINOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!)

L. Pausini

The base committee: Ricchi e Poveri, Toto Cotugno, Pupo, Matia Bazar, Iva Zanicchi, Albano and the whole crowd of enthusiasts that each of you knows well or poorly while pretending not to.