Laura Pausini
Io Canto

I could simply sum up this review in one term: "how to ruin an Italian song." But I know that would be too vague, so I'll just say that, as much as I respect Pausini as a person, as an artist, I can't stand her. In fact, she makes me nauseous. With sugary pop songs sung since the beginning of her career, I bet she will continue like this until the famous Marco comes back around....and then she will compose "La Solitudine Part Two". But enough with the nonsense and let's start this painful and forgettable journey to the depths of Italian music:

The title track sets things in motion: arrangements by the worst U2, yet as much as Cocciante's original song never impressed me much, I admit that it's still passable for the radio (I said "radio," not "genuine ears," and yet more listenable than the original). After the decent "Due" by Raf and "Scrivimi," here comes the plague: the beautiful "Il Mio Canto Libero" by Mogol and Battisti ruined partly thanks to that fool who sang "tengo la camicia nera", after this performance you'd want to draw a veil of silence over both...or rather a "black shirt." And as if that wasn't enough, Eros "presoamale" Ramazzotti's "Stella Gemella" is so useless as a track that you don't even remember it after every listen. Other low points of the album include "Non Me Lo So Spiegare" with Tiziano Ferro. Tiziano...I love you and you know it, but whyyyyy??? A nice catchy and enjoyable piece spoiled like this; after hearing it on the radio repeatedly, you feel like being Ed Gein and committing a chainsaw massacre. And if "Cinque Giorni" isn't enough to make us regret being born, with those hateful and overwhelming screams in the chorus (how to ruin a small and delicate song by Mister Zarrillo), with "Spaccacuore," we hit rock bottom: a deep pop piece that itself is nice becomes...bleah! "Nei Giardini Che Nessuno Sa"...did we really need to touch this MASTERPIECE of Italian music? Absolutely not....so let's move on. "La Mia Banda Suona Il Rock"....really NOTHING TO WRITE HOME ABOUT, the original song didn't fit me, imagine the "remake" made-by-Pausini. "Anima Fragile" is so-so, although it allowed Vasco Rossi's fans to rediscover it, since it seemed to have ended up in oblivion. "Quando"......well, let's skip it. Claudio Baglioni's "Strada Facendo": it's not good to lump everything together, but this version is truly flat, an abomination. And finally, "In Una Stanza Quasi Rosa" by (ahem) Biagio Antonacci....(!!!!!) and "Come Il Sole All'Improvviso" by (ugh!) Zucchero. At least she didn't touch "Diamante" or I would have cursed out all the Madonnas at the end of Christmas.

Of this trash, I would only save "Destinazione Paradiso" just because it's the least pitiful of them all. The only star is for this (and I've been too generous). And the funny thing is that an album of Italian pop covers is a marketing success because "Laura Pausini"'s name appears: because let's face it....if they had been covers of rock songs by Jethro Tull, Nick Cave, Bob Dylan, or the Talking Heads and the artist's name was "Uncle Santuzzo," I doubt it would have made the same impression.