Kevin Reynolds
Waterworld

Can anyone explain to me why in the future we should all be filthy, barbaric, and brainless?

This is what "Waterworld" shows, a terrible film from 1995 by Kevin Reynolds.

I've been stuck at home for several days due to a cold, and to beat the boredom, I've been binge-watching movies. I've been thinking about watching the famous "Waterworld" for a while. Mea culpa, I had never read anything about it, I only vaguely remember some trailers I saw over ten years ago, and the idea of seeing a world of water intrigued me. Alas, I satisfied my curiosity.

A poorly done rip-off of "Mad Max - Beyond Thunderdome" in terms of plot, screenplay, costumes, and direction, "Waterworld" cannot withstand the comparison at all.

First of all, because it makes no sense: in the first film, it was about a post-nuclear world (where a general population stupor could make sense, including the lack of hygiene, which in a world of water seems the minimum, and many other things). In this film, it's about climate changes. As if the world could change just like that, from one day to the next, becoming flooded and the poles reversing from morning to evening. Sure.

Anyway, a mutant (yes, indeed, a mutant... well, if the world flipped overnight, how hard could it be to create a genetic mutation? What happens in hundreds of millions of years might as well happen in a few generations?) seemingly human but equipped with gills and webbed feet, roams the ocean in search of fortune: he's a merchant and carries objects unknown to most, from a world that has become legendary over the centuries: Dryland.

Somehow, he finds himself in an atoll, which is like a walled city, where he gets arrested for being a mutant. Freed during an attack by the "smokers" (whose purpose and existence remain unclear), by a young woman and a girl with a mysterious tattoo on her back, his adventure begins.

The setup is very clichéd: the mutant takes his two rescuers on his boat but is grumpy and rude: it's obvious from a mile away that in the end, he'll fall in love with the adult and become a sort of father figure for the girl. Either way, the tattoo on the girl's back is a kind of map to reach Dryland, the last remaining land above water. This is why the "smokers" are after her. They chase the mutant's boat, find it, kidnap the girl, the woman despairs, the mutant takes the woman to bed (well, the kid's already been kidnapped, so why not take a distraction of fifteen, twenty minutes?), and then turns into a spotless hero and goes in search of the girl. Of course, he finds her, engages in a solo battle against an army of boorish rebels armed to the teeth firing rapidly but missing everything by accident, while he doesn't miss a shot.

Anyway, to spare you further torture, I'll say that in the end, the hero wins and saves the girl (who would have thought?). But during the match, his means of transport gets destroyed, and the ship (an ancient oil tanker) where the girl was taken is sinking. Suddenly, the woman and an old man appear out of nowhere in an aircraft which operates on some mysterious energy pulling them out of the... sludge (indeed).

Afterward, everything becomes easier. The old man manages to decipher the girl's tattoo, and the small company reaches the long-desired Dryland, which turns out to be the birthplace of the girl, who got to the atoll, where we first met her, in some unexplained way.

At this point, what does the mysterious handsome mutant do? He leaves. Why? "Because this is not my place." And that's the movie wrapped up.

Banal plot, special effects reminiscent of the Seventies (to be gentle), amateurish acting. This is definitely one of the worst movies I have ever seen.

You might ask, "So why are you reviewing it?" Well... so that when any of you are at home, bored, whether with a cold or not, and feel like watching a movie you know little about, you might visit DeBaser, read the review, and spare yourself an ordeal of apocalyptic proportions.

You should thank me: I did it for you! :-)