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Rating: Judee Sill "Heart Food"
I still remember that day when, entering a music megastore, I found myself wandering aimlessly between the shelves, and when it came time to leave, unsure of what to buy, I happened to glance at a shelf in front of me that didn't reflect the light from the mega entrance...
It was a shelf full of CDs and vinyls of an artist I didn't know, rows and columns of identical covers. I realized there could be at most three albums reproduced in series with covers very appealing to my taste. I approached, initially hesitant due to the price I immediately noticed (well, those were the times... it was 2005), but then, intrigued by the artwork, I decided to pick one up and understand who the artist was. I had already guessed it was a female artist (which was music to my ears since 90% of my discography consists of female singer-songwriters). Then I observed the cover details more closely and thought, "Very '60s/'70s, exactly the period I'm delving into," and delicately turned the album over to see it was a remastered record from an album released in 1973... and the other in 1971 and another noted 2003 (later on, upon purchasing, I learned they were demo recordings from 1974 intended as a prelude to the third album... but then what happened...). I put it back and held the vinyl counterpart, truly fascinating. But who is she? How is it possible that with all the research I've done at the time, I've never heard of her? I rested the vinyl back, didn't buy any CDs, and left with one goal for the day, to go online and see who Judee Sill was.
I forgot about it... oblivion is a strange thing, it wipes your memory but leaves a glimmer of light...
And I found it again when, a few days later, while wandering through some music shops, I saw in a display case, put there without praise or infamy, one of this artist's CDs. Ah yes, Judee Sill, that's her, and at an affordable price, I quickly asked the clerk if he could open the case, I took it, paid, and instinctively went back home. I bought it without even having heard a song, not knowing anything, not even what type of music it was; I already had an idea... from the cover and the artwork of all three albums, I imagined a style like psychedelic, exotic, possibly spiritual (from a crucifix hanging around her neck), or simply rock, and the photos on the cover gave me the impression of a hoarse and scratchy voice.
Before even listening to the CD, I turned on the computer to search for some useful information about the artist, too curious... I found something, not much... but discovered perhaps something I didn't want to know, she was dead! Something must have happened to interrupt her career in '73 since she hadn't yet turned 30 by then. But I was wrong, and it wasn't the first time, something more terrible had happened... she completely disappeared and not just from the scene. The last time many friends or relatives saw her was indeed in 1974... many for a couple of years believed she was dead, even the closest friends, a rumor that circulated, but then it was known that her soul finally left that cursed, heroin-filled body in 1979. Drugs, indeed, but not only, there was jail time and, as legend has it, prostitution too. Rebellious girl, not so much, perhaps lacking certainties... orphaned of her father since a child and of a brother who died shortly after, never got along with her mother (who died a few years later) and an alcoholic stepfather, she dedicated herself from the beginning to the vagabond life, practicing her passion, music, around the USA. But for everyone, as I believe it should be, comes a moment of redemption... and meeting David Geffen, yes, him, was fatal in a positive way.
This latter, fascinated by her talent as a writer/composer/singer, wanted to immediately put her under contract, and there it was, her self-titled debut album became the very first to be released for the new label "Asylum". She would be much loved by Graham Nash, who would take one of her songs and turn it into a minor hit. There might still be time to write a review on this album, but now I would like to focus on her second child, born in '73 and baptized "Heart Food," for which she is the author (lyrics), composer (music and arrangements), and producer.
After all this information, it wasn't easy to take the CD player and insert the disc... I expected a rock perhaps even more narcoleptic, maybe the first signs of a fetal-grunge... an even deeper and hoarser voice... and yet... once again those who approached her must rethink.
First, I open the CD, look at the booklet, beautiful and full of pages as I like it... photos, her in the foreground, a bit plain, more of an intellectual type, I can't imagine heroin flowing in her veins, Judee singing with the guitar and a small dog next to her, Judee conducting an orchestra (well, intellectual from classical music perhaps), Judee smiling... there are lyrics (cool!), and then some pages dedicated to her life and this album (compared to "Blue" by Joni Mitchell, "New York Tendaberry" by Laura Nyro, and "Tapestry" by Carole King, all more or less from that period), I read them and encounter the same information and false news... but also something new...
Enough, I hit play and off... a journey into the unknown of a drug addict? A psychedelic trip? Instead, no... I'm surprised once again.
The first track "There's A Rugged Road" (which Shaw Colvin will redo in his album of covers from '94, and it's the only one of her CDs I'm missing... perhaps a sign of destiny), acoustic guitar, sweet melody "There's a rugged road on the prairie/ stretchin' all across the last frontier...", what angelic voice, I immediately notice her liquidity, fluidity, original timbre, the surprising absence of any kind of vibrato even at the end of a word (some say she sang like she spoke) and then the overwhelming power of the song as a whole hits me fully and floors me... but with the second track "The Kiss" (covered by Bonnie Prince Billy as the B-side of one of his singles - and I miss this one too) I don't think I'll get up again, one of the most beautiful songs I've ever listened to, pure poetry, piano keys that I don't believe exist in reality, a voice that rises and blends with the arrangements and orchestra like two lovers entwined with each other ("...Sweet communion of a kiss...") toward the sky... this is exactly the sensation/emotion one feels when having the best kiss ever... following is "The Pearl", the pearl is the drug, no don't think it's a depressing song, on the contrary it's very upbeat, perhaps an attempt to exorcise this monster now that she could do it while trying not to be attracted again by its preciousness; "Down Where the Valleys Are Low" takes a soul/gospel turn with a related choir, song structure quite complicated; "The Vigilante", "Soldier Of The Heart" (perhaps the closest to rock), "The Phoenix" and the desire to regenerate, die, purify, and be reborn, the melancholy of "When The Bridegroom Comes", all songs narrating male figures to which Judee would like to cling not to fall back into the abyss, and finally I reach the last "The Donor", no no, I have to listen to this last track again, it starts in the style of classical music, baroque spiritual from other times, a choir begins composed of Judee's own voice, alternating, then following, then overlapping as if it were a thousand elegies intoning "Kyrie Eleison" ("Lord have mercy"), the first verse begins, perhaps the most intense song, it lashes and overturns you, the choir of liturgies starts again, sharp, dry and assertive this time... I don't know what else to say, I can't describe it in words.
God, why didn't you save her, what would it have cost you to transform into a soldier, a vigilante, a mere stranger traveling along rugged roads and bestow her at least this gift, she who never received much from life and who always kept pleading for someone to come take her and save her, she always waited in vain for her messiah...
A concert of light and darkness, good and evil, love and sadness, fear and hope, spirituality and hidden demonic forces but already visible.
I still imagine her alone in a filthy little room while exhaling the last breath of life, thinking about all these male figures that never appeared and just one female figure: death, which didn't take long to appear.
Heartfelt thanks to Rhino for reissuing this masterpiece so masterfully.
Judee Sill 1944 - 1979 may your music be for us the rebirth of your immense phoenix.
P.S. I know I've never had the gift of synthesis or conciseness...
Judee Sill (1971)
Heart Food (1973)
Dreams Come True (2003)
Asylum Recordings (2006)
Live in London (2007)
Tracklist Lyrics and Videos
01 There's a Rugged Road (03:46)
There's a rugged road on the prairie,
Stretchin' all across the last frontier
There a stranger strives, solitary,
Blessed is the lonesome pioneer
Roll on, roll on, roll on
Night birds are flyin'
Come on, the light is gone
Hope's slowly dyin',
Tell me how you come ridin thru,
Still surveyin' the miles yet to run,
On the long and lonely road to Kingdom Come.....
He can blaze the trail tho' the rumblin'
Dims his guidin' light to just a spark
When the hour is low, he comes tumblin'
But when the moon is high he gives his heart
Gainin' steady till this round is run,
On the long and lonely road to Kingdom Come....
People far below, chasin' pleasures,
Offer him directions on the run.
Prophets on the path offer treasures
And tho' he's mighty hungry, he takes none
Blindly faithful but followin' none
On the long and lonely road to Kingdom Come....
When the sun goes down at the right time,
He comes a-windin' thru the purple haze
Just a feather's toucn in the night time,
But it'll color all my weary days.
Shinin' finer than this earthly sun,
On the ragged, rugged road to Kingdom Come
On the ragged rugged road to Kingdom Come....
02 The Kiss (04:37)
Love, risin from the mists,
Promise me this and only this,
Holy breath touchin' me
Like a wind song,
Sweet communion of a kiss
Sun, siftin' thru the grey
Enter in, reach me with a ray
Silently swoopin' down
Just to show me
How to give my heart away
Once a crystal choir
Appeared while I was sleepin'
And called my name
And when they came down nearer
Sayin', "Dyin' is done",
Then a new song was sung
Until somewhere
We breathed as one
(and still I hear their whisper)
Stars, burstin' in the sky
Hear the sad nova's dyin' cry,
Shimmerin' memory
Come and hold me
While y'show me how to fly
Sun, siftin' thru the grey
Enter in, reach me with a ray
Silently swoopin' down
Just to show me
How to give my heart away
Lately sparklin' hosts
Come fill my dreams descendin'
On firey beams
I've seen 'em come clear down
Where our poor bodies lay,
Soothe us gently and say,
"Gunna wipe all your tears away".
(and still I hear their whisper)
Love risin from the mists
Promise me this and only this,
Holy breath touchin' me
Like a wind song,
Sweet communion of a kiss.....
03 The Pearl (01:55)
I've been lookin' for someone
Who sells truth by the pound
Then I saw the dealer and his friend
Arrive, but their gifts looked grim,
Now I'm tired of hanging on,
Waitin' for a showdown
Don't y'see I gotta ride 'em out
Cuz the pearl's just around the bend
Beautiful pearl, o when will you reappear?
Mysteries unfurl and become so clear,
When I feel you near...
I found a way outside myself
To make my spirit climb,
And I coulda shinnied on up
But my rope was made of wind
I appreciate the words,
But I won't be there at showtime
Don't y'see I gotta ride them out
Cuz the pearl's just around the bend
Beautiful pearl, o when will you reappear?
Mysteries unfurl and become so clear,
When I feel you near...
When my backyard weeds grew high,
I hoped that they would hide me,
But I felt that the pearl was near
Cuz I thought I saw it shine,
I was lookin' all around
When I felt it there inside me
And I see a possibility
That its been there all the time...
04 Down Where the Valleys Are Low (03:53)
Down where the valleys are low, there's a refuge so high
And down where the coldest winds blow, there the warmest winds hide
And deep in the forest of woe, sweet deliverance is nigh
And deep in the heart there's a rose that a glimmer keeps guidin'
Till the heaven's song begins the holy files a-burnin'
And the harmony is set to weave a silver sermon
And my heart's aflame until the blessed rhythm's churnin'
Make me climb till the mountains are under me
And sorrow's behind
Send a sign on the shadows of my memory
Put out the dark, cuz the
Light's so fine
Feed the flame, till the weakness posessin' me
Is baptised with fire, and the beast is slain
Push me on from the danger that's pullin' me
And holds me so strong...
Send a song on the wind to deliver me
Take me and rise, when the
Fire is on.....
Take the reins, and the loneliness fillin' me
And make my fear fuel, and the fuel hi-octane
Lead the way thru the glories deceivin' me
And reverie's sway.....
Thru the day when the hereafter's holdin' me
Lend me a hand and I won't delay
Send a ray thru the seven veiled mysteries
And break their sweet spell,
And their links of chain....
07 The Phoenix (02:38)
The sun was red, and the fires were roarin',
Stars aligned and the webs were spun.
I coulda sworn I heard my spirit soarin'
Guess I'm always chasin' the sun,
Hopin' we will soon be one
Until it turns around to me
Then I try to run ......
On phosphorous wings the Phoenix floated
The fires froze and the sea was hushed
And when I tried to speak, the sun imploded
And the war will wate in my guts,
Till the devil bites the dust,
I never saw him losin' a race,
But I think he must....
The great storm raged and the power kept growin',
Dragons rose from the land below
And even now I wonder where I'm goin'
Ever since a long time ago,
I've tried to let my feelins show
I'd like to think I'm being sincere,
But I'll never know
08 When the Bridegroom Comes (04:15)
See the bride and the spirit are one,
Then won't you who are thirsty invite Him to come?
With your door opened wide,
Won't you listen in the dark for the midnight cry?
And see when your light is on that the bridegroom comes
Into cold outer darkness are gone
Guests who would not their own wedding garment put on
Tho' the chosen are few, won't you tarry by your lamp till He calls for you?
And pray that your love endure till the bridegroom comes
When the halt and the lame meet the son,
And He sees for the blind, and He speaks for the dumb
Let their poor heart's complaint
Like the leper turned around who has kissed the saint,
Lift like a trumpet shout, and the bridegroom come.
See the builders despising the stone,
See the pearl of great price and the dry desert bones
By the Pharisees cursed,
Be exultant with the rose when the last are first,
And see how his mercy shines, as the bridegroom comes
Hear the bride and the spirit say come,
Then won't you who are weary invite in the Son?
When your heart's love is high,
Won't you hasten to the place where the hour is nigh?
And see that your light is on, for the bridegroom comes
09 The Donor (09:08)
I'll chase 'em to the bottom
Till I've finally caught 'em
Dreams fall deep...
Where voices come a-chimin'
Moanin' and a-rhymin'
Warning me, their words are
Ringin' and a-whinin'
Hear 'em weep...
Songs from so deep
While I'm sleepin'
Seep in....
Sweepin' over me
Still the echo's achin'
"Leave us not forsaken"
Kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison
Kyrie eleison, eleison,
Eleison, eleison
Kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison
So sad, and so true
That even shadows come
And hum the requiem...
O waters of the moon
Your vapors swirls and swoon
Your wake is wide...
And sorrow's like an arrow
Shootin' straight and narrow
Aimin' true, it's sting goes
Reachin' to the marrow,
Silence cried...
Now songs from so deep,
While I'm sleepin',
Seep in...
Sweepin' over me
Still the echo's achin'
"Leave us not forsaken"
Kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison
Kyrie eleison, eleison,
Eleison, eleison
Kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison
So sad, and so true
That even shadows come
And hum the requiem...
Kyrie eleison...
Kyrie eleison...
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