John Milius
Conan Il Barbaro

I know, nowadays fantasy films like "The Lord of the Rings" are more in vogue, with tons of computer-generated special effects that give you the impression that the dreadful nazgul ridden by the even more horrible rider is about to come out of the screen and devour you, and I think that overall it's fair, in a certain way. However, I cannot remain indifferent to older films, in which the monster was visibly a puppet moved by an actor, but in their simplicity, they let you willingly spend the two hours you watch them: this is also the case with our local Maciste, Hercules, Ursus, and company, as old as you want, extremely gaudy, maybe even a bit childish, shot even with inept actors, whatever you want, but in my opinion, they have a certain charm.

"Conan the Barbarian" was released back in 1982 and belongs, if you will, to this category of "artisanal" fantasy films; you won’t see breathtaking digital effects or monsters so real that you'd think the movie was shot with the aid of real but deformed beings: here you see tons of makeup and tomato juice, or red paint. Not even the actors are really good: it is, in fact, the absolute debut for the Austrian Arnold Schwarzenegger, in the role of the barbaric and grim Conan, and Sandal Bergman, in the role of the beautiful (always de gustibus!) thief Valeria; indeed, the only actor of a certain caliber, the great Max Von Sydow (is it really necessary to remind you that he played the lead in "The Seventh Seal" and "The Exorcist"?), is relegated as a guest star to the secondary role of the old and drunk King Osric, whose daughter has been seduced by the dark religion of the serpent of the Stygian sorcerer Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones).

The plot is very simple, but I advise against reading it if you haven’t seen the film yet, but if you insist on knowing everything, here it is: briefly, the young Conan is born in the distant and cold Cimmeria, almost at the extreme north of the world, south of Vanaheim, among the last outposts of humanity in the northern regions, in an era between the sinking of Atlantis and "the rise of the sons of Aryos" (as the narrator's voice recites at the beginning of the film). The Cimmerians have discovered the secret of steelworking, but the village of our Conan, still a child, is wiped out by a raid carried out by the Vanir and other mercenaries under the cruel sorcerer Thulsa Doom’s command. The young boy becomes a slave, then he will become a gladiator, travel through that strange and ancient world, but always and only with one thought in his heart: to avenge the death of his parents. Freed from his master, he will travel in the company of the thief Subotai through all the Hyborian lands, then in the city of Zamora he will carry out a theft that will allow him to live the good life for a certain period, to find a clue of those he seeks, and not least to meet Valeria, who performs the theft with them and with whom he starts a relationship. Arrested along with the other three on behalf of King Osric, he will agree, alone, to save his daughter, who had escaped to live following Thulsa Doom, and will set off on horseback, crossing mountains, deserts, and rivers, up to the place near the sea where the magician Akiro resides, who turns out to be the narrator’s voice and who points to him the sacred mountain where the acolytes of the Stygian sorcerer gather. Arrested and crucified after pretending to be a serpent priest to get close to his enemies, he is saved by Subotai and Valeria, who set out in search of him and is healed by Akiro. The three friends then try to kidnap the princess at night, but during the operation, which is successful by the way, Valeria is killed. It will be among the antediluvian ruins that rise not far from Akiro’s dwelling that Conan and Subotai, alone, will face all Thulsa Doom's mercenaries in an epic battle in which Conan will practically destroy them alone, in a blood orgy, and recover his father's sword, with which that very night, accompanied only by the princess, now converted, he will penetrate the mountain and put an end to the serpent cult by beheading the evil Thulsa Doom. END OF THE PLOT!!!

What makes the film beautiful? First of all, Basil Poledouris' epic soundtrack, which remarkably underscores all phases of the film, then come the fantastic shots, truly suggestive, and the general epic atmosphere of the film, in which, among other things, the dialogues are reduced to a minimum, to give way to the language of images.

Recommended especially for those who have read the fantasy works of the great Robert Erwin Howard, the creator of Conan, Kull of Valusia, and Bran Mac Morn, just to mention the most famous; true enthusiasts will also be able to notice how some elements of the film do not belong to the Conan cycle, being ultimately only generally inspired by the work of the Texan writer: first and foremost the sorcerer Thulsa Doom is, for example, taken from the Kull of Valusia saga and the episode of Conan's coupling with the she-wolf witch is taken from an episode of the Celtic cycle of Bran Mac Morn. Oh, yes, this fantasy should also be rediscovered, the mythical fantasy of the 30s, which preceded every Tolkien and every Terry Brooks... By Crom!!