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In MEMORY of IAN CURTIS
At the end of the '70s.
I had decided to go into extinction. I didn't have the necessary courage and allowed myself self-compassion as a last resort. Nonetheless, the urn of my ashes after the ceremony of the autodafé was full and calmly placed in the skies of the infinite non-time. Bologna Adieau !!
I remained silent and distant for long eons from the me that survived as a human on planet earth. I didn't know why I insisted on keeping myself alive. Maybe just the respect I owed to my wonderful biological machine. Alice-the saint had been killed, Andrea and the others of the diaspora, between Rome, Berlin, America, India, and the damn King. Instinct guided me in this present darkness.
Then some cosmic alchemy reactivated the content of the urn with my metaphysical ashes... Suddenly, like a flash, I relive a previous life - A Vision: A place, even very familiar with white, cold, and aseptic tiled walls: like all those in slaughterhouses. This was the place!!
It was at the ALEPH of Gabicce Mare and it was JULY 21, 1981 (I think!!). I was prostrated by pain and my red van was stopped, like me, lost and useless; empty like the Aleph that hosted us.
Maurizio phones from London and says to cancel everything because the long-awaited concert will not take place.
"Alex, the news is this: IAN CURTIS is DEAD and Joy Division is canceling the concert date. Wait for details!". All here, like a war bulletin announcing the end and defeat on the most advanced front of the final resistance to the black wave of emptiness/nothingness that expanded after the spring dated 1968.
In Silence you go away... in Silence... sometimes after a few days!
We found ourselves in a very small intimate number in the presence of the coffin projected on the tiles covered by the veil of the projector, in the small internal room of the Aleph praying through the tears hidden by the dark of this funeral room, hidden in our pain... A rare film of the few live performances, a few days before the farewell of IAN & C. Like a celebration, "A Ceremony"... indeed.
Nothing is more terrible, sometimes, than the reality that materializes, short-circuiting the universe in a "mustard seed" (would say Siddhartha...): an unbearable weight; a Story, an instant karma that cancels all the sufferings of the unfathomable: Enlightenment!!!
The mechano/ectoplasm produces sounds and visions that we, there, record in our neurons/memories to not lose the trace of the path among the inner stars. The shamanic dance of his illness proceeded giving us the awareness of his desperate joy of not being able to live. His truth was there in front of us and we, confusedly, tried to give name and shape to our existential discomfort, and that we sought refuge also in music and poetry forever. And like a galaxy going into infinite pieces, Ian dissolved, inhabiting us forever remaining alive in our flesh like a powerful sun. Certainly a black sun: Black Hole.
We were overly vaccinated in those years. Today we recognize those who play at disguising themselves and setting us traps of fiction to quarter us and feed on. Yes; they are the false priests who to scrape a living disguise themselves and screw us.
...and the list is long, believe me. We will talk about it more later... Then something strange happened; or maybe not.
The show must go on !! Mourning will be "processed"... sure!!
Maurizio calls me and asks if I can go to Naples to load the instruments of a band that is among the most essential of the American scene, to facilitate the tour that started precisely with the concert in Naples. I leave from Senigallia, where I survived and, with Carla, arrive around 23:30 at the sports hall; Palatenda like a mirage in the desert of the ring road.
I enter in the middle of the concert, waiting to meet the guys just after the concert ended. OK!!
High Wave! actually no... Very High!!
I was out and finally, now, I swam in the inner space: Pure Sound Magic!
I was free and Floating. The name of the group was: TUXEDOMOON.
They closed the "live session" with the song (randomly, believe me!!) always the opening and closing theme of the ALEPH of Gabicce: NO TEARS (For the preacher of the night!!)
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