Horrors
Luminous

I find the Horrors quite likeable, a lot actually. I really want to be a huge fan of theirs, I’m even trying hard like a cow but those bastards aren’t making it easy for me. But let’s get to the reasons, otherwise we won't understand each other. Why do I find the Horrors likeable? Well, first of all, it’s just a feeling. When they emerged in 2007 (actually a year before, but whatever) with their "Strange House," they had a "goth for dummies" look so unfortunate that I wouldn’t have given them more than a year before they disappeared, yet their look was actually a point of interest, because I love black and these guys looked like they walked out of Tim Burton’s funeral. It was the season of the Emo crap, that lame kind that by becoming commercial ended up being even worse than Blink 182 in the ‘90s (yes indeed) and the Horrors blended perfectly into the crowd, with the difference that they were less flamboyant than their made-up peers, and they played stuff like The Cramps and The Birthday Party but in a more flashy manner (JACK THE RIPPA! JACK THE RIPPA!), essentially reminding me of a darker version of Arctic Monkeys (yes I know they have nothing to do with it, but what have I ever understood about indie crap?). Obviously, I didn’t take them seriously (just like I didn’t take the AM seriously, after all). Then the very cool "Primary Colours" came out and finally I had a crush, because the unfortunate look was still there but this time they played stuff like Joy Division and shoegaze, and they even closed the album with that awesome kraut piece "Sea within a Sea," which promised unimaginable revolutions for the future. OOOOH MOOOTHER, tell me mooooreee.

And then nothing, 2011 came and with Skying all the good premises went to hell. That album was POP damn it, POP. Sure, they even tried to make it as psychedelic and hyper-layered as possible, but it was still POP. And it was there that my balls dropped, and I’d really like to say that with this "Luminous" I’ve found a good reason to pick them up and put them back in their place, but alas, that’s not the case. My balls are still on the floor and the cat is playing with them. But let’s go back for a moment. The other reason why I find the Horrors likeable, and also the main one, is because they believe in it. You immediately notice that they believe in it because they listen to a lot of different music (take a look at their FB page to get an idea) and it's clear how they are trying to evolve their band by inserting all these influences organically into their sound. Well, I can say calmly that they have finally succeeded. This is a mature album, which sounds like the direct consequence of Skying. And thus, a decidedly a-la Horrors album, and not the festival of referencing as it has been so far, criticized for this reason every single time their name came up. "Luminous" is also an album that, due to a love for perfectionism, was even released late. Everything good, everything nice then? oh, maybe. The reason why this album made me frown I already mentioned earlier. Being largely similar to its predecessor, it has the same flaws as Skying, namely an overload of production that stifles any spontaneity, the lack of the slightest improvisation, or of a spark out of the ordinary. A plastic candy-like coating and a marked sonic limpness that makes even Placebo sound like Kyuss in comparison. The problem is that I’m not even exaggerating too much.

But why, I ask myself? why Faris? why do you go singing in the Vatican (no, I'm not kidding) when even your instructor told you that with the voice you have you can at most aspire to blind people behind the cars? In short, my Horrors, since you are all such underdogs and know it, because let’s admit it – the drummer is a bloody metronome, the guitarist can barely play but in addition, he’s a nerd about effects (I think he even created some pedals for himself), the bassist no-comment – I was saying, if you know that among you, just the keyboardist with his antique effects is salvageable, what makes you soften up like this? Why don’t you leave the pop songs to those who really know how to make them, since you wouldn’t hit a melody even if it were to come to you screaming PLAY ME PLEASE, and give us something a bit more badass and insane like in the times of Primary Colours?

I haven’t talked to you about the songs, but actually, I don’t even feel like it. There are probably some nice pieces. My favorites are "First Day Of Spring," "Change Your Mind," "Sleepwalk," and even "I See You" deserves a listen, as little sense as that harmonic turn makes. But really listen to it "I See You" and in one fell swoop you will understand everything that's good and absolutely wrong about this curious and incomprehensible band.

Now I’m waiting for the next round, hoping that this time they’ll start listening to some heavy metal. That way maybe they’ll find their balls too, for once.