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Rating: One way or another, reunions always end in tragedy. There are those who take the opportunity to settle some scores, to remove a pebble (most of the time a boulder) from their shoe just as there are those who, on the contrary, laugh about past squabbles and maybe can’t hold back a nostalgic tear. My case is slightly different. In fact, at the end of a pizza night "In loving memory of III A", we said goodbye to each other without showing the slightest sign of emotion. Everything seemed strangely usual. Coincidentally, that very day, my car decided not to start again and I managed to get a ride home for myself and two other poor unfortunates from a friend’s boyfriend. He arrives, we turn around for a last goodbye and immediately set off again. The drama begins.
“Honey, can you put that CD on?! (In a pitiful tone)” asks my friend to her boyfriend with a dialectal inflection and manners that absolutely do not reveal five years of classical high school. “You put it on! (as if the sentence should end with “... what do I care?”)” replies her worthy partner. Misfortune has it that “that CD ” was "Love.Angel.Music.Baby.". Not even enough time to say "My God help me" when the first notes were already coming out of the player. “What you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting foooooooooooooor! (Expression between ecstasy and playful)”. These were the only words the driver’s girlfriend had grasped from the entire song, but I don’t fear she missed much. Initially, I thought that in the end, Stefani isn’t that unlistenable: a fun electronic pop for those moments when you want to reset your brain and forget where good taste lives. And then there’s that video where a wild Gwen parodies "Alice in Wonderland" in a soft-porn key. I listen with a tolerant attitude. Despite my good intentions, I realize that “What you waiting for” is over when “Rich girl” is already halfway through and I think it’s the tackiest song since “Vola”. However, there’s always that carefully curated video, for which no less than David Lachapelle was called in.
I’m starting to get tired. “If I lower the window can I smoke?” I ask. “No, it bothers me. Do you mind?” she replies. “Of course, I do, you fool” I think, “But do you know that in the video for “Hollaback girl" (Third track) Pharrell appears (Expression of astonishment)???’ I’m starting to understand clever little Gwen. Conscious of coming from a band (No Doubt) that had carved its niche in the history of '90s music, she decided to call to her court the best producers the market offers (From the Neptunes to Austin, from Hooper to Andre 3000) to impress the critics and relied on a super glossy and glamorous image halfway between Madonna and Ilona Staller conveyed through chic videos and eccentric performances to impact the audience. And the music? I’m sorry, but the real stuff, I didn’t even catch a glimpse of it in this album. The drums of “Hollaback girl" are freeze-drying my balls, I’m about to rebel but it stops. And “Cool" starts. "Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeautiful! ” (With a satisfied air) screams that tormentor of mine (we start to degrade her). “Could you lower the volume a bit?" I plead “Why, does it bother you?" she says “If it bothers me? Let’s say the only things more irritating in the world are hives and Rosanna Lambertucci, besides your boyfriend!!” I think. All that’s left is to listen and learn that Gwen remained on good terms with her ex-boyfriend. A concern that was close to everyone’s heart.
After “Cool", I’m being assaulted by two: Stefani and Johnny Vulture together in “Bubble pop electric" on which it’s not worth spending a single word. The same goes for “Harajuku girls", "Crush" and “The real thing". With “Luxurious" Stefani wants to make us believe she has trouble making ends meet due to her inability to resist shopping, while in “Serious" Gwen proclaims herself love-sick and it sounds like a Cindy Louper devoid of flair and a bit silly. “Danger zone” and ”Long way to go” conclude (thank heavens) the CD and are so insignificant they might as well have been written by your trusted deli owner.
I get home and I even have to thank them for the ride. I open the door and think I would have been better off walking and Gwen should have stayed with No Doubt. I turn, say goodbye again. It’s all over.
“When’s the next reunion?”
Tracklist and Lyrics
01 What You Waiting For? (03:41)
What an amazing time
What a family
How did the years go by
Now it's only me
Tick-tock (Nani matteru no?)
Tick-tock (Nani matteru no?)
Tick-tock, tick-tock (Komatterunjyane)
Tick-tock, tick-tock
Tick-tock, tick-tock
La la la la la la la (Komatterunjyane)
I'm like a cat-in-heat stuck in a moving car
A scary conversation, shut my eyes, can't find the brake
What if they say that you're a climber?
Naturally I'm worried if I do it alone
Who really cares 'cause it's your life
You never know, it could be great
Take a chance 'cause you might grow
Oh, uh oh
What you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting
What you waiting, what you waiting for?
What you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting
What you waiting, what you waiting for?
Tick-tock, tick-tock (nani matteru...)
Tick-tock, tick-tock (matteru...)
Take a chance you stupid ho
Like an echo pedal, you're repeating yourself
You know it all by heart
Why are you standing in one place?
Born to blossom, bloom to perish
Your moment will run out 'cause of your sex chromosome
I know it's so messed up how our society all thinks
Life is short, you're capable
Oh, uh oh
Look at your watch now
You're still a super hot female
You got your million dollar contract
And they're all waiting for your hot track
What you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting
What you waiting, what you waiting for?
What you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting
What you waiting, what you waiting for?
I can't wait to go
Back into Japan
Get me lots of brand new fans
Osaka, Tokyo
You Harajuku girls
Damn, you've got some wicked style
Go
Look at your watch now
You're still a super hot female
You got your million dollar contract
And they're all waiting for your hot track
What you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting
What you waiting, what you waiting for?
What you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting
What you waiting, what you waiting for?
What you waiting for? what you waiting for?
Take a chance you stupid ho (Komatterunjyane, go back do Japan)
Take a chance you stupid ho [Repeat]
02 Serious (04:48)
Baby, I don't know when the danger came
I wanna find someone that I can blame
Call the doctor 'cause I am sick in love
And I can't help it
Baby, I'm worried about my mental state
Don't know if I'll recuperate
Think it's serious, gone from bad to worse
And I'm in trouble
(Ooh) I think I'm coming down with something
(Yeah) I know it, gonna need your medicine
(Ooh) so help me now, I'm freaking out, lover (uh oh)
This love is serious (Everybody knows I'm mad for you)
You get me seriously out of my mind
And I am so into us (Not gonna let no one get hold of you)
Baby, baby
'Cause this love is serious, we're seriously onto something, It's serious
Lover, you love me like no one can
So if I'm crazy, hope you understand
Hurry doctor come, need to get me some
You know what time it is
(Ooh) I think I'm coming down with something
(Yeah) I know it, gonna need your medicine
(Ooh) so help me now, I'm freaking out, lover (uh-oh)
This love is serious (Everybody knows I'm mad for you)
You get me seriously out of my mind
And I am so into us (Not gonna let no one get hold of you)
Baby, you're mine
You're seriously fine
And you know I can't stand
How the girls all wanna be getting all up in my place
So get off of my man and don't try to mess with me
'Cause this love is serious, we're seriously onto something, It's serious,
Uh-oh uh-oh
You got me so delirious, I'm under your control
Point it at me if you must, your arrow's got me poisoned
Tell me what my treatment is, your love's got me insane
My prescription is your kiss, and boy you got me wantin' it
(S-E-R-I-O-U-S) You got me so delirious, I'm under your control
(S-E-R-I-O-U-S) Point it at me if you must, your arrow's got me poisoned
(S-E-R-I-O-U-S) Tell me what my treatment is, your love's got me insane
(S-E-R-I-O-U-S) My prescription is your kiss, and boy you got me wantin' it
This love is serious (Everybody knows I'm mad for you)
You get me seriously out of my mind
And I am so into us (Not gonna let no one get hold of you)
Baby you're mine
You're seriously fine
This love is serious (And you know I can't stand how the girls all wanna be)
You get me seriously out of my mind (Getting all up in my place)
And I am so into us (So get off of my man and)
Baby, you're mine (Don't try to mess with me)
'Cause this love is serious, we're seriously onto something
(S-E-R-I-O-U-S) This love is serious (Everybody knows I'm mad for you)
(S-E-R-I-O-U-S) You get me seriously out of my mind
(S-E-R-I-O-U-S) And I am so into us (Not gonna let no one get hold of you)
Baby, you're mine
'Cause this love is serious, we're seriously onto something, It's serious
I'm gonna need the doctor
03 Danger Zone (03:37)
I can't imagine how hard it must be to be you
Adopting all your history, it's hard being me too
Are your secrets where you left them?
'Cause now your ghosts are mine as well
I think it's time I met them and I think it's time you tell
And you should have told me when you met me
All these things I should know
I should have asked, we should have talked
About this so long ago
It's not fair, it's not fair
And don't leave me here
How's this happening to me
It feels so lonely here
We are in a mess, a danger zone
What will happen next, you never know
We are in a mess, a danger zone
What will happen next, you never know
Now we share the closet, now you've let me come inside
And now you're finally undressing, and I feel like I might die
The damage is infectious, the confession is too late
And how can I accept this
How is this happening to me
It's not fair, it's not fair
Help me come up for air
And how's this happening to me
It feels so lonely here
We are in a mess, a danger zone
What will happen next, you never know
We are in a mess, a danger zone
What will happen next, you never know
You never know
You never know
All your secrets
All your lies
All of it
We are in a mess, a danger zone
What will happen next, you never know (I'm completely paralysed)
We are in a mess, a danger zone (I've crashed a thousand times)
What will happen next, you never know (It's the last haunt)
We are in a mess, a danger zone (How do I deserve this)
What will happen next, you never know (I don't know what's gonna happen)
We are in a mess, a danger zone (How could you do this)
What will happen next, you never know (How could this be happening to me)
06 Hollaback Girl (03:19)
Uh-huh, this my shit
All the girls stomp your feet like this
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
Oooh, this my shit, this my shit [Repeat 4x]
I heard that you were talking shit
And you didn't think that I would hear it
People hear you talking like that
Getting everybody fired up
So I'm ready to attack, gonna lead the pack
Gonna get a touchdown, gonna take you out
That's right, put your pom-poms down
Getting everybody fired up
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
Oooh, this my shit, this my shit [Repeat 4x]
So that's right dude, meet me at the bleachers
No principals, no student teachers
Both of us wanna be the winner
But there can only be one
So I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all
Gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you
That's right, I'm the last one standing
Another one bites the dust
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
Oooh, this my shit, this my shit [Repeat 4x]
Lemme hear you say
"This shit is bananas"
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
"This shit is bananas"
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
Again!
"This shit is bananas"
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
"This shit is bananas"
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
Oooh, this my shit, this my shit [Repeat 4x]
07 Cool (03:09)
It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life
Passes things, get more comfortable
Everything is going right
And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that
You and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool
I know we're cool
We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain
Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown, oh
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool
I know we're cool
Yeah, I know we're cool
And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles
And now we're hanging out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool
I know we're cool
C-cool, uh uh
I know we're cool, uh uh
Yeah, I know we're cool
C-cool, yeah
I know we're cool, yeah
09 Luxurious (04:24)
Working so hard every night and day
And now we get the pay back
Trying so hard saving up the paper
Now we get to lay back
Working so hard every night and day
And now we get the pay back
The pay back, the pay back
Champagne kisses hold me in your lap of luxury
I only want to fly first class desires, you're my limousine
So elegant the way we ride, our passion it just multiplies
There's platinum lightning in the sky
Look, I'm livin' like a queen
This kind of love is getting expensive
We know how to live, baby
We're luxurious like Egyptian cotton
We're so rich in love, we're rollin' in cashmere
Got it in fifth gear, baby
Diamond in the rough is lookin' so sparkly
Working so hard every night and day
And now we get the pay back
Trying so hard saving up the paper
Now we get to lay back
Working so hard every night and day
And now we get the pay back
The pay back, the pay back
Sugar, honey, sexy baby
When we touch it turns to gold
Sensitive and delicate kinda like a tuberose
You know you are my treasure chest
It's pure perfection when we kiss and
You're my mister, I'm your miss
Gonna be until we're old
This kind of love is getting expensive
We know how to live, baby
We're luxurious like Egyptian cotton
Working so hard every night and day
And now we get the pay back
Trying so hard saving up the paper
Now we get to lay back
Working so hard every night and day
And now we get the pay back
The pay back, the pay back
Working so hard every night and day
And now we get the pay back
Trying so hard saving up the paper
Now we get to lay back
Working so hard every night and day
And now we get the pay back
The pay back, the pay back
Cha-ching, cha-ching
We're loaded and we're not gonna blow it
Cha-ching, cha-ching
We're hooked up with the love 'cause we grow it
Cha-ching, cha-ching
We got hydroponic love and we smoke it
Cha-ching, cha-ching
We burn it, you and I, we are so lit
We're so rich in love we're rollin' in cashmere
Got it in fifth gear, baby
Diamond in the rough is lookin' so sparkly
Working so hard every night and day
And now we get the pay back
Trying so hard saving up the paper
Now we get to lay back
Working so hard every night and day
And now we get the pay back
The pay back, the pay back
This is how we roll, so luxurious
Baby, we are so expensive, oh
This is how we roll, so luxurious
11 Crash (04:06)
Back it up, back it up
You got it, you got it
Put your hands up, put your hands up
Put your hands up, uh uh uh
You got it, you got it
Drive back, baby, to me fast in your car
I'm here waiting, crash into me real hard
Drive back, baby, to me fast in your car
I'm here waiting, crash into me real hard
I wander round the room and I'm getting things ready
I picture you driving just like Mario Andretti
I got the kush, Ketel One, waiting for your engine
Your Grand Prix, your tension, it's gonna be a party
Don't forget to make a U-turn
I see you left your blinker on
I got it rolled and ready here to burn
Meet me back at home, ayo ayo
Drive back, baby, to me fast in your car
I'm here waiting, crash into me real hard
Drive back, baby, to me fast in your car
I'm here waiting, crash into me real hard
Driving fast in your car
I've got you tracked on my radar, oh
It's just such a trip, how you're still my speed racer
You got me so addicted, just like a free-baser
I want you all over me like L.A.M.B.
So get here A.S.A.P., it's gonna be a party
Don't forget to make a U-turn (Don't forget to get here)
I see you left your blinker on (You see I want to get it on)
I got it rolled and ready here to burn
Meet me back at home, ayo ayo (You know you need me, so come back)
Drive back, baby, to me fast in your car
I'm here waiting, crash into me real hard
Drive back, baby, to me fast in your car
I'm here waiting, crash into me real hard
Now you know you're qualified
You're in the pole position
Put it in first gear, step on the pedal and drive fast
Back it up, back it up
You got it, you got it
Back it up, back it up
You got it, you got it
Put your hands up, put your hands up
Put your hands up, uh uh uh
You got it, you got it
Put your hands up, put your hands up
Put your hands up, uh uh uh
You got it
(I'm ready for you)
Drive back, baby, to me fast in your car
(Me and you, boo)
I'm here waiting, crash into me real hard
(Don't make me wait too long)
Drive back, baby, to me fast in your car
(For me and you, boo)
I'm here waiting, crash into me real hard
(I'm ready for you)
Drive back, baby, to me fast in your car
(Me and you, boo)
I'm here waiting, crash into me real hard
(Don't make me wait too long)
Drive back, baby, to me fast in your car
(For me and you, boo)
I'm here waiting, crash into me real hard
Crash
Crash
Come on baby, please hurry up
You know I'm waiting for you
Come on baby, please hurry up
You know I'm waiting for you (Crash)
Come on baby, please hurry up
You know I'm waiting for you
Come on baby, please hurry up
You know I'm waiting for you (Crash)
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