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Rating:
Here is the review I wrote right after seeing this horrible movie not even worthy of the name in a preview (just imagine!). That day I was brutally pissed off!
"So: this is the new film by Guillermo del Toro, who as the poster states, has already directed Hellboy and Blade II. His filmography is full of ups and downs (mostly downs), yet he was a moderately appreciated director. In this solar year 2006, he has given birth to a film that could compete as one of the worst in the history of cinema!!! Yes, you understood correctly! This is a film totally senseless!
The historical background is the war in Spain in 1944 (fascists against reds), and a mother with her daughter reach the fascist base, whose captain is the woman's (second) husband. A heartless man, who lets the gun think for him. This film in reality presents itself (or intends to appear) as a fantastic story, because later the girl will follow a fairy that will lead her to the famous faun of the title: a horrible being that would like to evoke the antiquity of nature but is nothing more than a monster made of roots, unbearable. But for now, I don't want to recount the "fantasy" events (at the beginning the film almost seems like the Spanish version of "The Chronicles of Narnia"). The reality hidden in this film is another one. The aforementioned feature film is incredibly VIOLENT!!! It's filled with killings and lakes of blood. Nothing is spared!!! The pinnacle is a scene where a woman rebels against the captain and stabs a knife into his mouth, creating a large gash on his cheek, which therefore becomes an extension of the mouth. In the following scene, he's shown looking in the mirror, displaying his "new mouth," and the act of stitching this gash is depicted, including the needle penetrating one side of the skin to the other.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE, LOOKING AT THE POSTER, WOULD DEEM THIS FILM "FOR EVERYONE" AND TAKE THEIR KIDS TO SEE SUCH A SHOCKING AND VIOLENT FILM. I CAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, DAMN IT, IT'S UNACCEPTABLE.
And to say that the trailer doesn't give this impression! Moreover, halfway through this enjoyment, one realizes that the historical context prevails over the fantasy part! There is much more war and torture instead of the element that should be the main one in the film. And then, going back to the previous discussion, the girl (to be readmitted to her immortal world - I won't tell you the whole plot) must pass 3 tests. In the first two, she is face to face with a giant foul-smelling toad, then with a surreal monster, worthy of the worst Harry Potter movie. She's told not to take anything from the banquet she finds in front of her, and what does she do??? The most predictable thing in the world, she takes two grapes, and narrowly escapes! But who would have thought???
IN CONCLUSION, THIS FILM PRESENTS A CHILDREN'S STORY IN THE FORM OF AN ADULT FILM. THEREFORE, CHILDREN WILL NOT BE ABLE TO WATCH IT, AND ADULTS WILL BE BORED TO DEATH. SO, WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS FILM? IT'S AN INACCESSIBLE WORK, PRACTICALLY USELESS, AND CAUSES MUCH SUFFERING FOR A NON-EXISTENT REASON!!! I ONLY CONSIDER MYSELF LUCKY FOR NOT PAYING FOR THE ENTRY, BECAUSE OTHERWISE, I WOULD HAVE ASKED FOR MY MONEY BACK! AND I WON'T TELL YOU THE ENDING, SO AS NOT TO RUIN THE FINAL STRAW FOR YOU, THE TRIUMPH OF BANALITY. I left the cinema angry and with a stomachache. I refuse to give a numerical rating!!!"
The original text was more or less like this, now that I'm calmer and relaxed, I'll conclude differently: please avoid these modern atrocities that pretend to be great films, or to resemble the genuinely beautiful fantasy movies (like the splendid Big Fish). Be smart.
PS: I was still unaware of what happened afterward, the pinnacle of pinnacles: 3 Oscars!!! Oh my goodness, "Best Cinematography," "Best Art Direction," and "Best Makeup," when competing for the same awards were "The Prestige" and "Black Dahlia"!!! No comment.
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