Gotthard
Made In Switzerland

THE REVIEW

Have you ever heard of that particular technique that allows cows to produce more milk by having them listen to music?

It practically works like this: two speakers are placed on either side of the barn to ensure a perfect stereophonic performance (even cows appreciate hi-fi), and a classical music record is played for a few hours a day. The results, they say, are guaranteed! Production increases by at least a good 10%!
Some obnoxious farmers (who else?) even tried mounting strobe balls in the center of the barn, but no improvement was reported except for confirmation of their idiocy.

The phenomenon is decidedly intriguing, and having access to my uncle Bortolo's barn, an old-school breeder who expresses himself exclusively in Growl, I wanted to personally test this strange method, taking advantage of his absence for the annual "hoof fair" because he would never have allowed me to seduce his cows with these esoteric practices. Well, after setting up the two speakers in the barn and stepping on about forty scattered cow patties, I took to the console. My goal was naturally to refine this technique, and I offered the audience, that is, the herd, a change of playlist, STAY METALLLL!

Nothing too demanding though, considering we are dealing with a bovine audience with an IQ just a few points higher than the obnoxious farmers.

The requirements were: That it be a record with metallic sounds but also embracing some enchanting melodies, that it be beautiful from the first to the last note, perhaps going safe with a compilation, and what better compilation than a live album since we're talking about hard-rock?
Even better if it's a Swiss band, ultimate cow lovers. The perfect choice fell on Gotthard and their 2005 live album, with a cover that looks taken from the adult bull magazine "PlayBull".

Gotthard is a glorious Swiss band led by the singer and flamboyant Steve Lee, who has been milking records since distant 1992 with stunning quality; hugely famous and deservedly highly appreciated in their homeland, they have had the remarkable merit of always knowing how to renew themselves over time, and their longevity is the most evident example of this.
The 15 tracks that make up the album embrace the highest peaks of their career, but believe me when I say they must have had a bit of difficulty leaving out so many other well-deserving ones; ranging from various "All We Are", "Top Of The World", and "The Battle of Titans" as perfect examples of their musical essence, meaning that power and melody can coexist without any rejection crisis if they're blended by skillful hands and minds. And they can't miss the ballads among which I highlight "One Life One Soul" that calls for a lighter with a tear in the eye.

The album's production is superb, tending to exalt every nuance and package a high-quality mainstream product; if Depeche Mode coined the phrase "Music for the masses," Gotthard expanded the concept to "but also for the cows".
In short, good, inspired and captivating, I would dare say: simply perfect! An album for everyone, to be listened to both in the barn and comfortably sprawled on the couch.

Regarding my account during the sound experiment, I noted the following reactions from the herd: Headbanging present in all animals, more pronounced in the young, hints of pogo in the calves.
Other signs of approval: several waves throughout the concert. In the end, the barn had appreciated it! It was a success! I had brought a bit of metal gospel and above all joy to those poor beasts. To hell with milk production! That experiment made me realize something much deeper, which is that there is no limit to human imagination when it comes to animal exploitation!

Dear breeders! Besides the boring classical music that makes cows relax and increases production, also give them a bit of a smile by letting them listen to some healthy, joyful and cheeky METALLLL!!!

I still remember with emotion the end of the concert-record; those placid and industrious little beasts were asking to listen to Gotthard again with their strange and rhythmic mooing.. it was their ... "Encore-encore-encore..."