Gionata Zarantonello
Uncut

THE REVIEW

I return to "review" a film by presenting to you this UNCUT (2003), a piece of crap film (oh dear, what a grand word!) by a certain Gionata Zarantonello, who had the audacity (and the poverty) to feature a real flesh and blood dick, in the foreground for all 88 minutes of its duration!

More of a Guinness World Records case than a Cinema one, in short.

A fortunately limp penis (of the porn actor Franco Trentalance) around which revolve the more or less interesting events of its "owner" who is busy trying to find (via cellphone) a young lady to mate with (this seems to be the only obsession that interests the protagonist for almost 80 minutes of the film), all seasoned with a sort of thriller complete with disappearance, murder, commissioner & Co.

A film of "impressive emptiness", with zero substance and as compelling as watching the face of Trota on stage at Padani rallies.

A film that after 10 minutes had me taking the biggest yawns of my life, with a clumsy and forced dubbing, with the protagonist's hands busy for 75 minutes playing with, hiding, massaging the thing of himself with a story (?!) wholly delegated to words and some rare appearances of "quarters of a woman" here and there (boobs, butts, a mouth attempting fellatio, little bits like that...).

Some sexist, cynical, and misogynistic remarks by the protagonist are somewhat redeemable, but even here nothing new: phrases that ooze clichés and things heard and re-heard.

A downright obscene and miserable film, the viewing of which I wouldn't wish on my worst debater. But I know that even these are now becoming extinct.....