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Rating: I don't have a good relationship with my father: the latest poems I write are focused on my need for paternal affection, they just come out this way, I don't control my fingers, they move on their own, my thoughts flow, and rereading these poems I understand how much I need attention from my parent.
Many times I feel guilty for what I feel towards him, I would like to give him a chance or two to change, to understand me, but it seems that my hope is useless. I feel remorse for wishing him bad things, I regret it, I self-accuse, I feel like crap, yet his behavior towards me doesn't change and I am, in a way, forced to stay in the middle, to be divided between accusing and retracting the accusation, between hatred and forgiveness. I don't think I hate my father! In a way, I love him, but, like every other human being, I need real things, certainties, affection proven with actions, I need contact (I Need Contact - cit.) and then I will no longer have doubts, I will return the affection without worries.
I listen to "No Son of Mine" and I feel like the boy in the song, even if my father has never mistreated me physically, but with words. Many times the desire or the instinct rises in me to run away from home, but I don't do it, it's just an idea, because I don't want to flee from my family, but from my father, and I'm already doing it, barely speaking to him, ignoring him. I care about him because he's my father, because he gave me life, but not for anything else. Listening to "No Son of Mine" gives me chills! My father has never told me "You are not my son!", he has never disowned me, even if many times perhaps he wished I wasn't his son. I have always forgiven him for his insensitivity to my need for affection expressed indirectly through gestures and probably I will do it again, I am ready to do it again, even if perhaps it will hurt. Forgiveness is better than hatred, isn't it? I hope so!
Tracklist and Lyrics
01 No Son of Mine (06:42)
Well the key to my survival
Was never in much doubt
The question was how I could keep sane
Trying to find the way out
Things were never easy for me
Peace of mind was hard to find
And I needed a place where I could hide
Somewhere I could call mine
I didn't think much about it
'Til it started happening all the time
Soon I was living with the fear every day
Of what might happen that night
I couldn't stand to hear the crying
Of my mother, and I remember when
I swore that, that would be the last they'd see of me
And I never went home again
They say that time is a healer
And now my wounds are not the same
I rang the bell with my heart in my mouth
I had to hear what he'd say
Well, he sat me down to talk to me
He looked me straight in the eyes
He said, you're no son, you're no son of mine
You're no son, you're no son of mine
You walked out, you left us behind
And you're no son, you're no son of mine
Oh, his words how they hurt, I'll never forget it
And as the time, it went by, I lived to regret it
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But where should I go, and what should I do
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But I came here for help, oh I came here for you
Well the years, they passed so slowly
I thought about him every day
What would I do if we passed on the street
Would I keep running away
In and out of hiding places
Soon I'd have to face the facts
We'd have to sit down and talk it over
And that would mean going back
They say that time is a healer
And now my wounds are not the same
But I rang the bell with my heart in my mouth
I had to hear what he'd say
He sat me down to talk to me
And he looked me straight in the eyes
He said, you're no son, you're no son of mine
You're no son, you're no son of mine
When you walked out, you left us behind
And you're no son, you're no son of mine
Oh, his words how they hurt, I'll never forget it
And as the time, it went by, I lived to regret it
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But where should I go, and what should I do
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But I came here for help, oh I was looking for you
You're no son, you're no son of mine, no
02 Living Forever (05:40)
I'm feeling so confused today,
It seems they've changed the rules again,
Cos in my life I'm trying hard,
To do it all so I can remain,
Healthy and sane.
I'll live forever,
Always one more tomorrow,
Living forever,
Always one more tomorrow.
I heard it on the radio,
Too much of what they said wasn't so,
And now we've got to do those things,
That they brought before were so wrong,
To be healthy and strong.
And live forever,
Always one more tomorrow,
Living forever,
Always one more tomorrow.
I know we don't need you,
I know we don't believe you,
You don't really have the answer,
You think you know better,
You think it really matters,
You just want to rule over everybody's lives.
I think I'll change my life today,
Gone are the times of taking care,
And I don't need a reason why,
All I need is all in a day survive in a way.
Or just till tomorrow,
Always one more tomorrow,
Living forever,
Do you really want to live forever.
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