Gareth Edwards
Godzilla

Malcolm's dad, Reese, etc., changed jobs, moved to Japan, left Lois, and very likely sold those idiot sons of his to the "yellows" to adopt one apparently more normal. He also married Juliette Binoche, but she dies during an explosion/collapse that destroys her husband's nuclear plant (my twisted mind wanted to see in the corridor scene a reference to “At The Mountains Of Madness” but again, it's my twisted mind..). It is then revealed that Malcolm's dad's son is actually John McLane's son (I refuse to categorically track down the name of the actor playing the pathetic protagonist), a super muscular marine devoted to country & family.

I don't really remember what happens, because I think I fell asleep, anyway, a giant, winged monster emerges from the earth's bowels and starts destroying everything. A Japanese scientist, who from his tone of voice seems to suffer constantly from constipation issues (perhaps revisiting the screenplay might help him..), explains that there are giant monsters that feed on radiation; indeed in the '50s they thought it a good idea to bomb them with atomics, logical right? Anyway, these monsters chew on nuclear submarines and ballistic missiles like there's no tomorrow. For some reason, Godzilla arrives along with an intermission and the necessary Redbull to combat drowsiness. I don't want to spoil the surprise, but the monsters, which at the end are three, for some other reason head to San Francisco, where they will fight each other under a torrential rain that allows the CGI budget to be exponentially reduced.

Amidst all this chaos, the American armed forces stand out in all their dullness. The Navy pansies, remember they're out there to defend us from Godzilla, are on their aircraft carrier with a nice command bridge decorated in perfect Asylum-style and attack the monsters with pathetic little missiles fired randomly. The army for its part transports on an open train nuclear missiles this big, shoots with machine guns against hundred-meter-tall beasts, and employs EODs who can move atomic warheads with their arms like they were crates of apples but don't remember to bring along even a lousy darned toilet.
Amongs men falling from the sky flying amid lightning, ridiculous nuclear explosions in the San Francisco bay, randomly evoked radiations, the total ineptitude of scientists and military, the film drags toward the inevitable and tragic conclusion: Hollywood does not know (anymore?) how to make monster movies. They had already wrecked Godzilla in '98, ejected a lamentable King Kong, tried again with Cloverfield with barely drinkable results (obtained at the expense of curses and seasickness), a half-glimpse with Pacific Rim but nothing, Godzilla 2014 is confirmation that they just can't manage it.

The problem is that the cheerful and carefree ignorance, which Americans master and should be the lifeblood of such films, has been replaced by claims of plausibility, psychological depth, and the construction of a "credible" situation from which to then unleash the customary pandemonium of special effects. And surely dear Edwards should know a thing or two about Monsters; is it possible that an increase in the budget corresponds to a radical drop in product quality? Yes, it is possible.

One of the film's major flaws is the absurd insistence on the deeds of the military, in this case stupid, careless, and idiotic as never before. The new Godzilla obviously regains a minimum of vitality in the final brawl between the three monsters. Even there, they could have given us more satisfaction, maybe spread it out into more staggered duels throughout the film, instead, it all concentrates at the end, the pace muddies in the last half-hour and what's good gets lost amidst the nonsense and explosions so dear to Hollywood. The most mind-blowing scenes still occur in conditions of low visibility. A choice that’s debatable but understandable: I have no idea how much it might cost to reproduce in CGI a titan fight out in broad daylight in San Francisco, with collapses and devastations. Yet Edwards is talented, and he delivers a few thrills among the smoke and dust of battle, where the viewer tries to spot the huge monster shapes (which nevertheless are really well made) and where the atomic scales of the big lizard gleam menacingly ready to strike. Neat too is this new and massive Godzilla: fat, spiky, pissed off, and with the legendary atomic breath in grand form, the old beast looks decidedly bad. Perhaps the opponents could have been more on point, but we can't ask for too much; let us be content with the fact that sixty years after its debut, the American film tries at least to revive the classic raison d'être of the ridiculous and delightful Japanese kaiju movies, namely monster VS monster battles. The problem is the ballast, which in this case becomes real garbage, some trash outlined also by the grandiloquent and pompous musical score.

A few well-done scenes and a few more thoughtful shots than usual are not enough in my opinion to make this a 100% kick-ass flick. In this sense, and as an example, Pacific Rim is clearly superior. When Hollywood learns that in such carnival films a sparse, simple, and solid script is beneficial, perhaps then things will begin to change. Ah, Elizabeth Olsen knows her stuff and is really hot, nonetheless...