Gabe Bartalos
Scannati vivi

LA RECENSIONE

As for me, you know, heavy brutal death etc. metal makes me sick, but I like cinema.

Well, you might say, what's the connection?

No, nothing.

However, you see, when it comes to music, I only listen to certain things, but with cinema, it's different. I'm quite omnivorous. I watch a bit of everything.

And, well, the film I'm about to talk about is kind of the cinematic equivalent of that crappy music so beloved by the demarga!

Yes, yes, I even watch this stuff! Of course, now that I'm old, much less so, but horror has been my passion since I was a kid, so...

SCANNATI VIVI!

Oh my God.

What a movie, guys!!!

A TRASH DELIRIUM WITHOUT EQUALS.

But then, what horror come on. It's not scary.

The plot?

A gas station run by a family of crazy monster killers, and whoever stops there is in deep trouble. Oh, what a bore!!! There are loads of films like that!

It's true, it's true. All thanks to those who decided to open that door years ago just to be slaughtered by a chainsaw-wielding two-meter-tall retard with a human skin mask on his face.

But we know it's not the WHAT that makes the difference. It's the HOW. Or rather, no. When it comes to SCANNATI VIVI, or rather SSSHHHHHH...CANNATI VIVI, it's not even the how. Yeah, because it's a low-budget film, a trash heap full of nonsense and inconsistencies.

But then why is it cool???

Because inside there are the IDEAS. The details. The inventions. The genius. The humor, the philosophy. The madness. Absurd. Deliberately absurd. Drugged!

And anyway, be careful because the director, making his debut here, is no amateur: https://it.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabriel_Bartalos

To convince you of how cool this film is, I should give you some examples, but really, I'm torn, yeah. Because revealing 3 or 4 ideas from this film is equivalent to spoiling the surprise for you.

It would be like a spoiler, oh yes.

But I can't tell you NOTHING and just say watch it and that's it!!!

So I'll put them here, whoever wants to can read them:

SPOILER

A dwarf who throws plates (always!!!) and pay attention to his monologue on the plate!

A guy with a brain (exposed) as big as a Smart car (and here there's a scene that is the highlight of the film, incredible guys, absolutely brilliant)

A bodybuilder creator and philosopher without a head

END OF SPOILER

Obviously, I'm talking ONLY to those interested in the genre. To the others, maybe not, just forget it, I'm serious. It's a bit like when I, N times, tried to listen to poop-metal or shoe-bleah and every time I shrank back like when you were a kid and touched a snail's eyes.

SSSSHHHHH...CANNATI VIVI!!!!!!!!!