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Rating: Frank has always been the kind of guy who never took anything seriously. He has always produced great works that poked fun at music and its rules, its interpretations, its tastes, its genres, its messages, and even its seriousness, as in this album.
1976 and the Mothers of Invention, led by the legendary Frank Vincent Zappa, performed in New York to give a warm Merry Christmas to the inhabitants of the Big Apple. Two years later, a double CD album featuring the best recordings from the Palladium between December 19 and 26 by the band will be released. The first track is Titties & Beer, a curious debate between Zappa and Bozzio (who plays the devil) in which Zappa rebels against the demonic Terry who has interrupted Francesco's sexual relationship with his Chrissy. The banter between the two is truly hilarious: when the devil comes to ask Zappa for his soul due to his reckless biker life, he begins to mock him, telling him that he's small, and suggesting that a good screw would be better than bothering people who just want to have fun...in the end, Zappa teaches the devil to drink beer and screw.
The second track is the gigantic Cruisin' For Burgers, a great ultra-technical and ultra-psychedelic piece that initially resembles the Residents' style and then leads into a great Zappa solo. A great display of mastery in this track by Terry Bozzio's drumsticks, who seems like a madman on the drums, Eddie Jobson's keyboards that bring that tone of joy-alienation to the mothers' tracks, and the wonderful semi-national hero Francone's pick, who also demonstrates his great class in this fabulous solo.
Another truly impressive instrumental piece is I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth, a sober track where Zappa performs a solo using a guitar distortion that completely changes the classic sound of the instrument. The next song is another 'Zappa-style joke'. It is Punky's Whips, the expression of Terry Bozzio's despair upon discovering that his boyfriend Punky Meadows cheated on him with a large man with long, shiny hair. The track is initially harsh and dark, but as Terry recovers from the shock, the track becomes very charged, with lovely pieces of guitar, keyboard, and sax, with some truly hilarious soul bursts.
This is followed by the funky Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me?, with truly demented lyrics that describe the love story of a pseudo-macho and a clerk, which is abruptly cut off with a 'and this is the end of the story'. Next comes my favorite track: The Illinois Enema Bandit, the story of Michael Kenyon, a Chicago thief who used to perform an enema on his female victims before the theft. This song is truly a spectacle: the funky rhythm, accompanied by Don Pardo's fantastic voice, gives the piece that absurd and crazy atmosphere that would cheer up even the world's saddest man, especially due to the song's demented lyrics: the story narrates of this outlaw who one day gets caught, is brought to court, but there was no law banning what he was doing, in fact, he defended himself by saying that it was a good deed, doing what everyone needed. So, in the end, the tribunal turns into a party where Michael enema's all the participants in complete joy (and madness). Truly noteworthy, aside from Don Pardo's stunning voice, is Frank Zappa's solo mid-track: jaw-dropping. With this fabulous track, the first disc closes, while I'm The Slime opens disc two.
Another fun funky track composed of great and majestic brass, with an excellent Zappa-Don Pardo duet, where there is an allusion, at least in my opinion, to the President of the United States during his TV appearances. With Pound For A Brown we return to the much-used avant-garde motifs also employed by the Residents. It almost seems like a remake of the Peanuts background motif, but rendered rather eerie and alienating by Jobson's keyboards, making the track rather ambiguous. The same style applies to Manx Needs Women, which almost seems like a return to the melodies of Weasels Ripped My Flesh. The saxes, keyboards, and unstructured rhythms, especially in this piece, give a sense of disorientation to the listener. Black Page #1 is a fabulous drum solo by Terry Bozzio, where he demonstrates all his mastery and monstrosity. A solo truly jaw-dropping, so much so that later on disc two there will be a Black Page #2 in which the legendary Bozzio's solo is expanded to other instruments, i.e., the rhythm of solo #1 is reinterpreted by the rest of the band, making this part also an absolute delight for music enthusiasts.
After Black Page #1 comes the now-classic Big Leg Emma, the song dedicated to Frank's third leg. Leaving aside the now expected demented lyrics, this version is truly fun due to the energy provided by the brass that give the song a universality of the concept of love for the third leg compared to the original version in "Absolutely Free" where it seems like a personal matter.
This is followed by a parody of typical 70s/80s TV themes: Sofa, relaxing and ironic thanks to the saxes and Frank's unstoppable guitar. After Black Page #2 comes another classic: The Torture Never Stops, a rather long piece with quite peculiar sounds, calm but also rather distressing. The lyrics bear no connection to each other, and listening to the song almost feels like torture. The great concluding fusion piece is The Purple Lagoon / Approximate, truly exciting and lively. A great instrumental track where Mike Becker's sax truly stands out (as if it hadn't already done so throughout the rest of the album), and, once again, Frank Zappa's guitar, even though in this piece of more than 15 minutes, the skill and great technique of the entire band.
Certainly one of the most beautiful and fun live performances of old Frank. I am truly envious of those who attended the Christmas concert of the Mothers Of Invention in those days, I, too, would have liked to have fun like they did back then, so I have to settle for a double CD and recommend it to you. EYE-OH!
Tracklist Lyrics and Videos
04 Punky's Whips (10:50)
Terry Bozzio (drums)
Roy Estrada (vocals, bass)
Adrian Belew (guitar)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Alright!
What's this?
Thank you! What? OK!
Thank you! Wait a minute!
Ah...take these...
OK!
In today's rapidly changing world
Rock groups appear every fifteen minutes,
Utilising some new promotional device.
Some of these devices have been known
To leave irreparable scars
On the minds of foolish young consumers.
One such case is seated before you:
Little skinny Terry 'Ted' Bozzio,
That cute little drummer!
That's right!
Terry recently fell in love
With a publicity-photo of a boy named Punky Meadows...
(Oh Punky!)...
Lead guitar player from a group called Angel.
In the photograph,
Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo
In a semi-profile which emphasized the pootched out succulence
Of his insolent pouting rictus,
The sight of which drove the helpless young drummer mad with desire!
I can't stand the way he pouts
'Cause he might not be pouting for me!
Punky Meadows, pouting for you?
Ha! You bet sailor!
You mean,
You mean he's not...he's not pouting...
He's not pouting for me?
His hair's so shiny and it's done real nice
'Til I squirm with ecstasy
Punky, Punky, give me your lips to die on!
Oh Punky, isn't it romantic?
Punky, Punky, give me your lips
To die on...I promise not to come in your mouth
Punky, Punky, your album's the shits!
It's all wrong!
I ain't really queer
But if he ever got near
Steven Tyler would PAY to see!
PAY to see!
Punky's lips, Punky's lips
His hair's so shiny,
I love his hips!
I love his teeth and his gums and such!
Punky
(What is it? You come home!)
You're an Angel!
You're too much
(Oh God!)
The boys of my thoughts in my lonely teenage room!
He's been havin' a rash
(No shit!)
That keeps the girls away
(It's true)
Skin doom
(Skin doom)
Is what the doctors say
And that makes me wonder
I wonder what Punky is rehearsing today
I'll just go over, and hear him play
His hair is so pretty...I'd like to bite his neck
I've heard a rumor he's more fluid than Jeff Beck
BUT I AIN'T QUEER
I AIN'T GAY
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
A wrist array-ee-ay
(That's all that is, I swear!)
Punky's lips, Punky's lips!
Oh! I love his hair while eatin' dunk-y chips
Yeah! I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank
Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank?
YANK IT PUNKY!
YANK IT FASTER!
YANK IT HARDER!
YANK IT ALL NITE LONG!
COME ON PUNKY!
GET FUNKY!
I AIN'T QUEER
No no no no!
I AIN'T GAY
No no no no!
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
Wrist array-ee-ay
And then he told me now:
I AIN'T QUEER!
(Hey!)
I AIN'T GAY!
(Hey! Hey!)
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
I-I, Lord,
I'm fo-o-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wrist array-ee-ay
Oh oh oh oh!
I-I, I said I'm fo-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wri-i-i-i-ist array
Come on Punky!
Give me your lips!
Ride on my Venus-trip!
Patrick O'Hearn,
Adrian Belew,
Tommy Mars,
Terry Bozzio,
Peter Wolf,
Ed Mann.
Thanks for comin' to the show!
06 The Illinois Enema Bandit (12:41)
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Eddie Jobson (keyboards, violin, vocals)
Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)
Terry Bozzio (drums, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (percussion, synthesizer)
Don Pardo (vocals)
David Samuels (vibes)
Randy Brecker (trumpet)
Mike Brecker (tenor saxophone, flute)
Lou Marini (alto saxophone, flute)
Ronnie Cuber (baritone saxophone, clarinet)
Tom Malone (trombone, trumpet, piccolo)
John Bergamo (percussion over-dub)
Ed Mann (percussion over-dub)
Louanne Neil (osmotic harp over-dub)
And now folks it's time for Don Pardo To deliver our special Illinois Enema Bandit-type announcement Take it away, Don
"This is a true story
About a famous criminal
From right around Chicago
This is the story of Michael Kenyon
A man who's serving time at this very moment
For the crime of armed robbery
It so happened, that at the time of the robbery
Michael, decided to give his female victims
A little enema
Apparently, there was no law against that
But his name lives on
Michael Kenyon
THE ILLINOIS ENEMA BANDIT!"
The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women...
Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up
(They'd be all bound down!)
Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news
Bloomington Illinois...he has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there
From farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag
And a hose on his arm
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
The Illinois Enema Bandit
One day he'll have to pay
One day he'll have to pay
The police will say, "You're under arrest!"
And the judge would have him for a special guest
The D.A. will order a secret test
And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then they'll put out a call for the jury folks
And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!"
Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see,
Sayin' "Don't nobody have no sympathy...
HOT SOAP WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!"
And then the bandit might say, "Why is everybody looking' at me?"
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS KINDA MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
Now, one girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!"
BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY?
BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY? TELL ME NOW, WHAT'S
YOUR PLEA?
Another girl shout: "Let the fiend go free!"
ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDIT, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS?
The Bandit say, "It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
"It must be just what they all needs..."
etc. repeat
Wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna enema
Enema
repeat...
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