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Rating: "Frank Zappa Meets The Mothers Of Prevention"... that is, Frank Zappa meets the mothers of prevention. Making a reference to his first group (The Mothers Of Invention), Zappa "dedicates" (let's be clear, not as a tribute) this album to the PMRC, meaning the mothers of prevention.
Before discussing this album, it is worth talking about what the PMRC did in 1980s America. It all began when Tipper Gore (the wife of the famous political opponent of George Bush Jr. for the presidency of the United States, Al Gore) gave her 10-year-old daughter a copy of Prince's splendid "Purple Rain." The album contained a song titled "Darling Nikki" which talked about how a woman "masturbated using a hotel magazine."
Tipper was shocked and, besides prohibiting her daughter from listening to the album, she talked to the other senators' wives about it and began a campaign to censor rock music that explicitly discussed sex. This was how the PMRC was formed, or Parents Music Resource Center. Frank Zappa, although not (strangely) among the "accused" artists, sided with rock music and even spoke in court, describing the PMRC as a system that "used decapitation as a remedy for dandruff."
The album revolves around the 12-minute collage titled "Porn Wars", in which Frank edits the speeches of various senators, cuts them, and adds sped-up repetitions to emphasize how, one way or another, the PMRC "friends" always said the same things. Notable phrases for their "nonsense" are "Fire, chains, and other objects that in someone's twisted mind are used as sexual objects," "I would like to see what toys your children ever had" and various oddities. Besides the senators' dialogues, Zappa includes two dialogues discarded from "Lumpy Gravy" (1968) and "Thing Fish" (1985) (the latter on a very intense rock base), which, despite being from before the PMRC (the first even 18 years earlier!), fit perfectly with the theme. Due to the "content of little interest outside the United States," Zappa did not include "Porn Wars" in the European LP but replaced it with three new songs.
Two are played on the Synclavier, and one is played. The played one is called "I Don't Even Care," and it is a hard rock song where the title is chanted by Ray White and Bobby Martin and sung by the great Johnny "Guitar" Watson (famous in the '50s and '60s) who masterfully improvises on the words. However, the track can become monotonous, as it remains the same for 5 minutes. The first Synclavier track is titled "One Man - One Vote" and is one of the best tracks on the album: the melody is very beautiful, as are the "percussive" embellishments and the synth bass. The other track is called "H.R. 2911" and is nothing more than the Synclavier base that accompanies "Porn Wars" without the PMRC voices overlaid.
The rest of the album consists of 2 Synclavier tracks and 4 played tracks. "We're Turning Again" is a sacrilegious attack against '80s pop, at the same time a dedication to deceased artists who were popular in the '60s (Big Mama, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Keith Moon etc. etc.) citing many tracks like "Purple Haze" and "Sunshine Of Your Love." "We're Turning Again" flows seamlessly into "Alien Orifice," the best track on the album, which consists of a masterfully played jazz/fusion track containing a splendid solo by Zappa. Another memorable instrumental is "What's New In Baltimore," which is divided into two parts: the first cheerful and carefree, the second melodic with a beautiful solo by Frank. This instrumental is a tribute to the city where Frank was born in 1940.
"Yo Cats" is another sung track, and this time Zappa (affectionately) takes on the session men, and it's sung by Ike Willis who claims "he plays crap but likes the money," and it's undoubtedly one of the funniest songs on the entire album. "Aerobics In Bondage" is a pleasant and calm Synclavier track that (in the American LP edition) served as a breath of fresh air after the 12 minutes of "Porn Wars," while "Little Beige Sambo" is the worst track on the album, also on the Synclavier, but this time it seems randomly composed.
"Frank Zappa Meets The Mothers Of Prevention" is an album that you either love or hate. Frankly, I stand with the former, and I consider this album as one of the absolute masterpieces of the '80s and (apart from the already mentioned "Little Beige Sambo") an extremely interesting album, and it is surely among the 5 most underrated of all time. I recall, before concluding the review, that it is true that the American LP edition differed from the European one, but the CD edition contains both the "European" tracks and "Porn Wars"!
Tracklist and Lyrics
06 Alien Orifice (04:10)
[Basic track:
Unknown location
c. September 1981-July, 1982
FZ guitar
Steve Vai guitar
Ray White guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Bobby Martin keyboards
Ed Mann percussion
Scott Thunes bass
Chad Wackerman drums]
09 Porn Wars (12:05)
Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ed Mann (percussion)
The reason for this hearing
is not to promote any legislation,
(indeed, I don't know of any suggestion
that any legislation 'd be passed),
but to simply provide a form
for airing the issue itself,
for ventilating the issue,
for bringing it out in the public domain.
Senator Hollings?
I've had the opportunity to ah,
attend a, a showing you might say,
a presentation of ah,
this Porn Rock as they call it.
In the tested pornography,
one of the things to look at
is that it does not have any redeeming social value.
Ah, there could be an exception here
because I haven't attended that presentation.
A redeeming social value,
I find that it's inaudible.
I have a hard time understanding it.
And, Paul, since I travelled the country for three years
and they said they couldn't understand me,
maybe I could make a good rock-star, I don't know.
But in all candour I would tell you it's,
it's outrageous filth.
So I'll be looking from this senator's standpoint
not just to bring pression,
but to try to see if there is some constitutional provision
to tax, or procedure can be used on the Congress
to limit this outrageous filth.
Senator Trible?
Rape, incest, it's outrageous filth...
Sexual violence
Now, the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may
not be cataclysmic
It's outrageous filth!
A lot of the emotional damage is more subtle
Fire and chains and...leather
It's outrageous filth!
Objectionable...
Tools and presentations in some twisted minds...
...effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be
cataclysmic...
...Porn Rock...
A lot of the emotional damage is more subtle
Fire and chains and...leather
This must be the end of the world!
All the people turning into pigs and ponies
I can't let it happen to me!
What is the reason for these hearings...
Sex!
Well...
Sex!
Thank you, I think that statement...
Sex!
...tells the story of these many...
Listen you little slut...
What is the reason for these hearings...
Sex!
Bondage!
Listen you little slut!
Listen you little slut!
Mixture of drugs...
Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!...
I might be interested to see what toys your kids ever had
Why would you be interested?
Just as a point of interest in this ah...
Well, come on over to the house and I'll show them to you.
Really!
I, I might do that!
Now, the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may
not be cataclysmic
It's outrageous filth!
A lot of the emotional damage is more subtle
Fire and chains and...leather
It's outrageous filth!
Objectionable...
Tools and presentations in some twisted minds...
...effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be
cataclysmic...
...Porn Rock...
A lot of the emotional damage is more subtle
Fire and chains and...leather
Thank you very much, Mr. Zappa.
You understand that ah,
the previous witnesses were not asking for legislation
and ah, I don't know,
I can't speak for senator Hollings,
but I think that the prevailing view here is
that nobody's asking for legislation.
The question is just focusing
on what a lot of people could feel that could be a problem.
And you've indicated that you at least understand
that there is another point of view.
Really nearly over the year...
Senator Gore?
Thank you very much, ah, mister chairman.
I found your statement very interesting and,
ah let me say although I disagree with
some of the statements that you make,
and have made on other occasions
- I have been a fan of your music, believe it or not -
and I, I ah respect you as a true original and,
and ah tremendously talented musician.
Wait a minute!
Maybe I could make a good rock-star, I don't know
Comics, comics, comics daddy!
Maybe I could make a good rock-star, I don't know
Comics, comics daddy!
Maybe I could make a good rock-star, I don't know
Comics, comics, comics daddy!
They don't even understand their music...
of course nobody does, but ah...
They don't, they don't even know what they're doing
No!
I've, I've seen 'em a couple of times...
Did you, did you see their uniforms?
Unbelievable!
Which ones? They're the red ones?
All those rhinestones of their rings and things like that
Do you know what I...
Golden May hoof-covers
Unbelievable!
Maybe I could make a good rock-star!
Gonna drive my love inside you!
etc...
It's outrageous filth!
Comics daddy!
etc...
Rock, rock, Porn Rock!
etc...
And I think your suggestion is a good one
if you pledge those words.
That would go a long way for...
All we have to do is find out how it's gonna be paid for...
Pyromania!
No question!
Burn the building!
Burn! Burn! Burn!
Yeah!
If I could find some way constitutionally to do away with it I would!
This issue is too hot...
So I'll be looking from this senator's standpoint
not just to bring pression,
but to try to see if there is some constitutional provision
to tax, or procedure can be used on the Congress
to limit this outrageous filth.
Yeah!
We'll get back to de whimp
and his low-budget conceptium of personal freedom
in just a moment.
But foist, welcome to:
What de fuck gwine on here?
A celebratium o' de American way o' life!
I see some y'all be FROWNIN'...
'cause mebbe y'think what I's tellin' ya' is a LIE!
Am I right?
Les' jes' have a test...
How many o' you nice folks think I knows what I's talkin'
'bout?
RAISE Y'HAIN UP!
Uh-huh!
An' how many thinks my potato been bakin' too long?
RAISE YO MIZZABLE HAIN UP!
Uh-huh!
Now...how many you folks is CONVINCED
de gubnint be totally 'UNCONCERNED'
wit de proliferatium o' UNDESIRABLE TENANTS
in de CONDOMINIUM o' LIFE?
An' how many folks believe THEY number won't come up,
next time de breeze blow fum de Easterly directium?
Les' face it, peoples!
Ugly as I mights be,
I AM YO' FUTCHUM!
Ain't that right, SISTER OB'DEWLLA?
Hmm hmm! Oh, oh yeah! Thass right!
Senator Gorton?
Mr. Zappa, I ah, am astounded at the ah,
courtesy and soft-voiced ah,
nature of the comments of my friend
the senator from Tennessee.
I can only say that I find your statement
to be boorish, ah, incredibly and ah,
insensitively insulting the people who were here previously.
That you could manage
to get the first amendment
of the Constitution of the United States
a bad name - if I doubt that you have the slightest
understanding of it - which I do not,
and have the slightest understanding of the difference between
government action and private action.
And ah, you have certainly destroyed any case
you might otherwise have had with this senator.
Thank you Mr. Chairman.
Is this private action?
I don't think this is constitutional...
The voluntary labelling is NOT censorship...
Bend up and smell my anal vapor!
The voluntary...voluntary...voluntary...
...is not censorship...
De-de-de-de-degradation...humiliation...
Is this private action?
In chains...
Listen you little slut...
There-there-there...
There's no absolute rock...
There's no absolute rock...
Well... ... Bend up and smell my anal vapor!
There-there-there...
There's no... There's no...
Mr. Zappa, thank you very much for your testimony.
Thank you.
Next witness is John Denver...
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