Francis Ford Coppola
Dracula di Bram Stoker

THE REVIEW

After watching "Bram Stoker's Dracula" one thing is certain, I can say I've never seen a film like it. But I don't mind at all.

In the fifteenth century, Prince Vlad, after his wife's suicide, renounces God and devotes himself to the devil; he then resurrects centuries later under the name Count Dracula. When he sees the portrait of a real estate agent's fiancée (a rather insignificant Keanu Reeves) who has come to his castle for a business contract, he falls in love with her, seeing her as the reincarnation of his suicidal wife. Count Dracula then confines the real estate agent in his castle (keeping him busy with his demons...) and goes to London in search of the girl, rejuvenated.

The biggest flaw of the film is its script. It is exaggerated, silly, and forced. I will never forget the phrase "I would say Miss July is warmer than a June bride riding naked on a bareback horse in the middle of the Sahara", spoken with absolute nonchalance by a passing knight. Stupid lines, predictable dialogues. The script gives the film a tone that is almost self-parodic and, more than gothic and dark, farcical and naive.

The film is also filled with a strong "Catholic" moral and sexophobia: it is rife with carnal pleasures among evil demons, blood, continuous post-mortem orgasms. Even in London, Count Dracula, the representation of Lucifer or similar in the film, immediately targets an adult cinema and rants about the wonders of science. Meanwhile, Coppola overindulges with cinema-within-cinema and repeated subjective shots to the point of nausea. His hand is heavy, so heavy as to be absent (!), his touch is denatured.

The actors' performances, then, go beyond: Keanu Reeves is insignificant, and his aging (related to Dracula's rejuvenation) is only noticeable by the talcum powder gradually graying his hair more and more. Not to mention Anthony Hopkins, wasted in a stupid role, really annoying with the "ja" he occasionally says to remind us of his German origins. The two female actresses, then, are in a constant state of orgasm. Monica Bellucci also appears, and guess what she does.

In summary, the characters are all insignificant and as interesting as the soles of your shoes. If you're in the mood for a poorly-made-and-poorly-written-too-long-pseudo-horror-porn, this is the film for you.

Enjoy the show.