Finley
Tutto E' Possibile

Genesis of the Finley

Twenty-first century: Italy is torn apart by internal conflicts, corruption is rampant, TV broadcasts shows made by scriptwriters with a 4th-grade education, and men with the IQ of a mole become important politicians.

All this reached the omnipresent ear of God, and HE said:
"This cannot go on any longer! What happened to good feelings and nobility of spirit? But I will not let all this go unpunished: Italy will meet the fate of Sodom and Gomorrah! Jesus: I need something that will destroy their economy, impoverish them, make their wives barren and the male member impotent, something that puts the country in the hands of crime and reduces jobs. What do you suggest?" Jesus replied:

"Hey, Dad, don't worry! I have the right person." And the Berlusconi government descended upon the earth... 5 years later

God: "Well, Jesus, I told you to find something to punish them, but you overdid it! That bald and little guy has taken the country back to the Middle Ages! Now you need to find a remedy, otherwise, this summer you'll spend the holidays with Uncle Satan and his friend... what’s his name? Oh yes: Ozzy Osbourne!"

Jesus: "NOOOOOOOOO Daddy!!! Not Ozzy!!! I'd rather play cards with Benito and Adolf who force me to sing "Faccetta Nera". Don't worry about Italy: this year I'll give them a consolation prize: they'll win the World Cup."

God: "You got away with it this time. But I’ll send you on vacation with Uncle Satan anyway if you don’t stop hanging out with Jim Morrison! He's a bad influence on you."

Jesus: "But Jim helped me expand the horizons of my mind!"

God: "And you think I care! Look, I found a joint in your room yesterday. You're more drugged up than Bowie now, and that says it all... But I won't punish you if you do me a favor."

Jesus: "What?"

God: "So far we've only hit Italy on a political-economic level. We still have a score to settle regarding music. I need you to find someone who sings so badly they'll make people miss Califano. AAAY, the good old days of Califano. He was Armageddon. I kept him hidden for millennia to then unleash his destructive force at the height of Italian depravity. Unfortunately, now he’s as harmless as a squirrel because of all the cocaine. Hey Jesus! What were you smoking?"(Jesus throws away the joint and makes a puppy dog look)

Jesus: "Nothing, Dad"

God: "I can't trust you even a little! It's great for a micro-second reminisce about the past, and him right away... So, have you found a solution?"

Jesus: "Well, there are those kids you threw into Hell even before they were born because you already foresaw their future as reapers of humankind (he whispers something in God's ear, meanwhile God's face becomes paler by the minute) So what do you say?"

God: "I'm not very convinced. Are you sure those guys won't cause chaos like your friend Berlusconi did? You know, I wouldn't want there to be a mass suicide after hearing one of their songs."

Jesus: "No way!!! Don't worry: you don’t know how many girls there are in Italy just waiting for the advent of a band like the Blue! The real headache will be for those who know a bit about music! I even found the name for the group: Finley. And for the songs, Manzoni will take care of it: I know you forbade him from writing any more atrocities, but this time we need him!"

God: "This time we'll do as you say: in my opinion, we'll unleash a cataclysm to rival Pandora's box being opened, but I'll trust you!"

Jesus: "Your trust is well-placed, Dad"

Epilogue:
as predicted by God, the Finley will be worse than the plagues of Egypt for Italy. Noise pollution will reach the stars, and after hearing one of their songs, that Messiah of music Syd Barrett will die of a heart attack.
God got really angry: Jesus will spend the holidays teaching Ozzy to read.

Warning (you never know how it will be taken by some): this text should not be taken as a critique of Black Sabbath or Bowie (amazing)