Excruciate
Passage of Life

One day I came into possession of a nice book, how and why would take too long to explain and I don't want to bore anyone, anyway this volume is called “The Death Metal Reviewer's Handbook.” The edition I have is rather moldy and smells a bit rotten, but given the title, there's not much to be surprised about. I've always liked black pages written with white ink, they add that extra touch of darkness that ultimately brings a kind of charm. Instead, a guy I know claims he has a copy written entirely with poser blood, but in my opinion, he's just full of it.

The preface of the book warns that the job of a death metal reviewer is lacking in satisfaction, as death metal reviews hardly interest anyone. However, the death metal reviewer shouldn't care about popularity, as popularity isn't considered by death metal and death metal isn't considered by popularity. In short, the death metal reviewer must embark on his path of development solely to become a death metal reviewer, which is why he purchased the manual.

The first chapter explains how to start a review: provide some information about the band you want to discuss, perhaps trying to explain the musical context in which they were formed. For example: Excruciate is a band born in Sweden between the late eighties and early nineties, riding the wave of enthusiasm generated by various pioneers like Entombed, Dismember, Carnage. They released only the album “Passage of Life” in 1993 before disbanding in general indifference.

The subsequent chapters describe various techniques for developing the discussion of the musical style present in the album under examination and attempting to express in words the sensations experienced during listening. It is advised to develop a fluid style that is not too boring for a potential reader, keeping in mind that potential readers will still be countable on one hand. Beginners are also encouraged to familiarize themselves with words such as: rotten, putrid, verminous, dark, suffocating, deadly, brutal, lethal, bloody, etc... Continuing with the previous example: in “Passage of Life,” you can clearly hear that the band is Swedish; indeed, the guitars scratch wonderfully and the muddy distortions fully adhere to the “Left Hand Path” canon. What distinguishes Excruciate is a more technical and reasoned approach, in contrast to the rawness and spontaneity found in albums like “Like an Ever Flowing Stream.” The riffs follow one another with perfect synchronicity, an unstoppable avalanche designed to overwhelm the listener. All without, however, giving up the DNA of Swedish death.

The final chapters hint at a potential conclusion that should somewhat summarize the reviewer's message. Additionally, there are various tips on length, continuous admonitions to write meaningful things, and to write them correctly. There are also various appendices that I confess I've never wanted to read.

In case you are interested in this manual, give me a shout; if I like you, I'll gladly lend it to you!