Eros Ramazzotti
Calma Apparente

THE REVIEW

.AICSEVOR ALLA ENOISNECER Come in, take a seat, don't push, and join me for the first time in this thrilling live experiment of a "review without listening" or "reverse review" without a safety net or parachute. That is: First, the review is written, then (maybe) you listen and judge how far off the critique was. I haven’t listened to the record of this same "daburino" (a neologism somewhere between a Gentleman and a Redneck) at all (and on this, I'm asking for an act of trust, damn it, at least on Eros I hope I don't have to convince you!!) but since the tune has been the same for over twenty years, I’ll attempt like the good Brother Indovino to review the record anyway, based on a whole series of mediatic and shamanic perceptions (techniques also called "by feel") acquired over time from hearing snippets of the aforementioned singer's work on the radio, in cars of (ex) friends, on planes, and any place I’ve ever found myself (once I even heard "Terra Promessa" in Belize!!). Anyway, it’s just an experiment because, let's be serious: tackling a "real" review I would find a sterile, immoral exercise absolutely devoid of dignity (for me, obviously?). I told myself. "damn it, it's twenty years we've been enduring it unchanged, do you think he’s turned around "right now"? Come on, really? Someone like him is so deep into the Music Biz he couldn't even make half a step in the direction of, say? Ethno-world, without the go-ahead from the bureaucratic machine of the National and International Majors ready to mint dollars with every puff of our guy. But I don't want to argue (otherwise they say I say the same things) and let's move on. So. Here it is, the umpteenth effort that already in its cover (the only thing I know) presents our grizzled little heartthrob increasingly more nihilistic, self-pitying, and victimized (of what, then, since he even got to pair up with Hunziker?! imagine that...) Love songs pompously arranged American-style with strings and orchestra discounted more than a 4x2 at SMA, and especially that damn voice between a Moroccan ephebe and a neutered Yorkshire Terrier, which worsens over time and indelibly brands the songs, maybe some even respectably acceptable, without the right to reply. I could talk about the sounds (which I don't know) but as far as I can gather, we are on the wave of emotionally sterile American mega productions more than one of Rosy Bindi's ovules, on more than tested tracks (I bet my balls there will even be a duet, maybe 2, with some American star like Jennifer Whatever or Cristina Eel? Did I guess right?!). About the lyrics, I’d like to draw a charitable veil over the personal case of the family affair (her leaving him because he roped in some hunk, her joining the mythical sect, he asking for forgiveness, the contested daughter, and so on with the gossip) cunningly and shamefully brought into play (I bet again there will be at least a couple of songs more or less referring to: 1. The Daughter 2. Michelle 3. Love in general? Mike would say: courage and strength, choose at random between 1, 2, or 3?). Just reading the titles (which I don’t know, I repeat, as I’m writing the review on an old Mac without the internet and I don’t even have visual references to download, otherwise, then, what kind of experiment would it be?!), titles that in fact will not deviate from phrases like (I guess) "A Great Feeling", "Us Again", "I Tell You with My Heart", "Latin Feeling" (a little International Flavour never hurts, right? Am I off track?). In short, the usual Eros that appeals so much to young and old, aunts, and housewives of Busto Arsizio, that appeals to the young suburban Lazio thug who sees him as someone who "made it", to officials from the land registry with an I.Q. of 3, who from music only want to have their heads in neutral, common people, bakers, and delicatessen owners who ‘really like Ramazzotti's music because it's nice, that’s enough?. Just like that. All good. And it's okay like this? no words (another one of the good ones!!) Nice review? Bad? Exhaustive? Let's say that with Eros I settled the scores (practically never opened) twenty years ago and I needed a well-tried guinea pig and tendentially "always the same as itself" for the experiment. An experiment in which, I invite the kind readers to confirm or deny its success or not, meaning whether the review fits and is pertinent to the album and to what percentage.  P. S. I might have done it with U2, with the Blue, with Renato Zero, with Venditti, and with dozens of other groups and singers who more or less always reheat the same soup (for what it's worth, often still good and anyway always warm and reassuring). But with Ramazzotti it was just so blatantly all downhill. Sure, if I had tried with Beck then I would probably have completely missed the mark?