Emis Killa
Il peggiore

So, I am a gangsta too real, but really too too real; thefts, drug abuse (with related dealing), sex, fights with other gangstas who aren't as real as me (where sometimes someone even ends up dead) are my daily bread!

But even a real gangsta appreciates music, as long as it’s real and especially gangsta. And in the 90s, I really enjoyed myself with the guys from the Wu-Tang Clan or the little guys Mobb Deep; their stories were too similar to those I lived every day. Ah yes, those were good times; but the genre has evolved, and now I have to look up to new myths. Time to hit a specialized store.

I enter the first store that sells CDs, head to the cashier and tell him to give me an album that really bangs; you know, strong stuff that tells stories of real life, of assholes living in shit and blah blah blah. At first, he looks at me bewildered, then recognizes me and comes out saying I’m the guy who sells him coke. He starts treating me kindly and hands me Emis Killa’s album, called "l'erba cattiva"! "Wow, so cool! Someone who claims to be like a bad weed, must definitely be banging!" - I think to myself. Okay, I’ll take it! And I'm feeling so generous, I decide to pay for it! Yes, yes, I’ll pay for it!

I get in the car and blast it loudly! This Emis character is really something else; he’s pissed at everyone, says we don’t understand a damn thing if we don’t listen to him, that the world wants you too chained like a pitbull, going on about how much of a bad boy he is! Damn what a record: exclusively pop production entrusted to the great Big Fish (he navigates too well between the synthesizers and the keyboards by Peg Perego)! Damn what a flow: monotonous, at times repetitive, supported by an embarrassing use of metrics! Damn, what a hell of a character: too much of a "fuck the system"! He rails against everything and everyone, and you start thinking that his imaginary enemies are real! But who are you mad at? Tell me Emis, with whom? And suddenly I realize:

 "everything I touch is commercial, so know that your girl is commercial".

The enemy was me! I turn off the stereo and rush over to the woman’s house; I break down the door and find her busy pricking herself with the sword. Barely time to say a word, I pull out my Glock and point it at her head! I'm too pissed off! I ask her if she cheated on me with Emis, but she tells me no. I don’t believe her, because Emis is too real a character and would never lie to me, so I make a nice hole in her head. Whore!

I hear gunshots coming from the neighboring house: it's friend Chucky, who has killed the woman! Same problem as mine. She had been with Emis Killa. Then I realize the enemy wasn’t me: it was all of us! Suddenly, you hear a myriad of gunshots and realize Emis has been with many of our women. Now that I think about it, the record doesn’t count how many times he insults us! "If you don't listen to Emis Killa, you don't understand a damn thing"...

Loaded with Uzi and Glock, we all head to Emis Killa who is performing at a concert; we enter and it’s full of screaming and wet thirteen-year-olds. I grab a few since I'm there, while the others spray a barrage of lead at Emiliano! But damn it, not even time to bang one and they’ve already finished the job! Now the thirteen-year-olds are crying for their fallen hero while MTV makes him a martyr. I hit the highway and head to Big Fish, intent on creating a deal with the new Peg Perego keyboard. I fill him with lead and smash his keyboard. Then I go back to the cashier and fill him with holes: yes, I fill him with holes too! But I fill him with so many holes that even his mother wouldn’t recognize him! Strong stuff, my ass! Pop is too little real gangsta and Emis isn't as real as he wants us to believe!

Seems everything’s over, but I'm left without a myth to follow! I'm thinking of going back to Raekwon, when suddenly I discover this Fedez...