•
Rating: Electric Wizard Live
From Meeting at the Last Minute
THE VIDEOGAME
LEVEL ONE - The Highway
I leave home well in advance, remembering my mother's advice from many years ago, confident with a pair of clean underpants ("just in case something happens..."), entertained by a super compilation "Mixed Fruit" ranging from the latest Keelhaul (very nice...) to the first Jovanotti of "Give me five" (also nice...), and even worried about getting there too early.
I encounter two accidents: the first just a few kilometers into the highway, the second when it's too late to turn back home. In between, slowdowns near Dalmine, Seriate, Brescia west, and Vicenza.
Result: nearly 5 hours for just over 250 Km. Almost never going into fourth gear.
End-of-Level Boss
The Perilous Tollbooth
Very easy, like all end-of-first-level bosses. Just use the Telepass power-up and shout "Suckers!" at the other motorists in line.
LEVEL TWO - The Gate of Hell
Accompanied by the always kind OleEinar, I arrive at Unwound and am immediately amazed by the multicolored crowd that has gathered nearby.
There’s everyone from the classic metalhead with a leather jacket and a jeans vest covered in patches of 80s metal bands, to the hefty goth girl who if she gets you, she’ll knock you out, to the alternative intellectual looking for strong experiences.
Meanwhile, the hour has become rather late and the supporting band, the Canadian Blood Ceremony, has already begun playing. The entrance to Unwound is packed to the level of a cursing circle during rush hour: people are cramped, hot, sweaty, and impatient: the line just doesn't seem to move, there's a big mess of forms to fill out, ARCI cards to check, and change for money ran out earlier than expected... And meanwhile the Blood Ceremony performance is about to come to an end.
End-of-Level Boss:
The One Who's in More Hurry than the Others
Covered in a thick animal fur and lacking clothing, he seems unaware of being as sweaty as a wet sponge. He moves around like he's possessed, unaware that by doing so he sprays anyone within six meters.
Practically invincible.
The only way to calm his uncontrollable fury is to provide him with a generous dose of low-quality beer and loud music.
Unfortunately, both of these bonuses are not available to the player, who is left to wait for the burly one to satisfy his demands once inside the venue.
LEVEL THREE - "El castillo de la muerte"
The Unwound is disgustingly shabby. And that’s a good thing.
It's a former warehouse (the shutters for loading and unloading goods are still there), without windows, without a ventilation system, with just two doors that, moreover, will remain closed for most of the evening.
Inside, it's hot to the point that you think right away: "If I stay here another 30 seconds, I'll faint". And yet you don't faint, but start sweating from parts of your body you didn't remember having.
The air is more or less unbreathable.
It's practically like being inside a sauna. Except that in saunas they usually use sprigs of aromatic plants to scent the environment. At Unwound, they must have used bundles of dog armpit hair instead.
Nevertheless, I manage to catch the last few songs of Blood Ceremony, and I have to say I don't mind them at all.
On the album, I didn't like them at all, but live (also thanks to more aggressive sounds) they make a good impression. They play their hard rock revival with good conviction, mixing a cartful of Sabbathian citations with folk elements à la Jethro Tull, complete with a flute played by the singer. Certainly a bit raw, perhaps paying for the uncertainties of a frontwoman not quite at ease in the role of "Priestess of Evil," but the audience is nonetheless satisfied and applauds them with conviction as they leave.
End-of-Level Boss:
The Torturous Bartenders + The Killer Beer
I think I waited for the first beer for about 5 hours.
I think I repeated the phrase "Two medium pale ales" about 5 thousand times.
And just when I was convinced I had made it, when I finally placed my lips on my beer, the bitter surprise: the true end-of-level monster was one of the worst beers ever seen. Stuff that makes the Prinz seem like nectar flowing from the nipple of Odin.
LEVEL FOUR: "Being Wizards Today"
There's no use hiding it: I'm a bit excited.
Perhaps because there’s a lot at stake (translated: having gone through this insane effort for a bad concert would annoy me quite a bit...), or because the band in question carries with them a particular, almost mythological aura... Whatever it will be, but when I see Jus & Co. take the stage, despite the tropical climate, I feel a little shiver.
They play for just an hour. And that should make me a bit angry.
They play practically the whole latest album "Witchcult Today," granting just a couple of songs from the rest of their repertoire (including a somewhat messy "Funeralopolis", to be honest). And that shouldn't make me particularly happy either.
Behind the drums, Shaun Rutter makes several mistakes. And that is almost scandalous.
Yet they rock.
It may be the long blonde hair, or the fact that a girl wielding a devilish Gibson always makes for a good sight, but Lizzy is quite beautiful. With a magnetic, ruthless beauty, like a handmaid of Satan.
Jus, short and a bit chubby, looks like a cross between Alvaro Vitali and Ciccio Bombo Cannoniere with three holes in his ass and he feels the heat too, no denying it. He sings uncertainly, but the audience doesn't seem to care much.
The new bassist (a certain Tass) has a completely tattooed face and looks like a laughing map.
In the background, clips from Bava, Martino, Argento’s vintage horror movies are projected... and the alienating effect works perfectly.
I confess: I feared a boring concert, I feared that the evil, oppressive atmosphere that emanates from Electric Wizard’s music would evaporate in the live setting. And, above all, I expected a "sustained," almost pretentious performance and attitude... a certain detachment, in short.
I'm happy I was wrong...
End-of-Level Boss:
"The Electric Fan"
As soon as the concert ends, we rush out of the venue to breathe,
We don't even wait for an encore, such is the need for oxygen.
Not even the time to finish the much-deserved cigarette, and Jus comes out for a joint right next to me. I’m already anticipating the joy of having a proper chat, only for an unexpected enemy to appear: the "Typical Electric Wizard Fan"...
Three incredible characters, evidently under the influence of a mixed-sea of psychotropic substances, approach with a mischievous air to the poor guy still recovering from the heat and start attacking him with an impressive compilation of nonsense and dumb questions in Padovglish (Padovan dialect + third-grade English).
They go from: "Uic is de best disch of Blech Sabbat?!", to "ehhh... you like Dario Argento, eh?!?".
They continue with a vain attempt to subject poor Oborn to a mental association game like: "Lovecraft... Mario Bava... Edwige Fenech!!!"
Up to the real climax: "In America everyone likes Moto Guzzi... but, in Italy, everyone Harley Davidson!... vroom!! Ehhh... but they're too expensive..."
I barely manage to ask poor Jus if he suffered from the heat, before the poor guy, exasperated, decides to return inside. So he learns to sing: "Come my fanatics... come to the sabbath"
- Finale -
I return home with a lethal migraine on the right side of my face, with my butt like pudding from too much time spent in the car, and an almost metaphysical need for sleep. Tired, but happy.
Insert coin?
No thank you. I've played enough for this time.
Loading comments slowly
