I haven't seen it, and despite Ana, I don't know if I feel like hurting myself.
I’ll share Roberto Recchioni’s comment:
Every now and then, in the history of cinema, films come out that are so perfect they are unrepeatable. Movies that, even if the same director, the same actors, the same artistic and production cast tried to remake a hundred times, would never turn out as well, because they are the result of a fortunate series of moments, circumstances, and contexts that are impossible to replicate all at once.
Miracles. Very rare works.
But just as there are these kinds of films, there is also their exact opposite. Works that even if remade a thousand times would never be as wrong in every possible way.
Cats, for example, is such a terrible film that it shouldn't be allowed to exist, given the talents, competence, and money that went into it. And yet, incredibly, it exists.
And now comes Blonde, a film so inherently wrong in all its constituent elements that it somehow becomes perfect in its total imperfection. The caricature of an auteur film. The distortion of the entire history of cinema. The subversion of all the good intentions that, probably, animated it at the beginning.
Blonde is the most annoying, irritating, offensive, poorly written, poorly shot, poorly directed, poorly edited, poorly acted film that I can remember for a long, long time.
Saving only the soundtrack by Nick Cave and Warren Ellis (which ruins this perfect center of wrongness), nothing in Blonde is even remotely tolerable. Kitsch without awareness of being so, sexist, disqualifying, ridiculous, grotesque, Blonde is a film directed by Andrew Dominik, who has convinced himself that he is Fellini, Godard, Lynch, and Von Trier all at once but is instead a John Waters without awareness or irony.
Lately, we often define films as “bad” when they are merely mediocre and insignificant. Blonde is another category.
Blonde is the masterpiece of bad films.
It is a rare anti-miracle.
And for this reason, sublime and unmissable.
Hurt yourselves, watch it.
