Stoney

Mediocre music for people with mediocre tastes.

"Olaf focuses on building songs that have the sole purpose of letting what he truly has inside shine through—his suffering, his dilemma, his turmoil. And damn, he succeeds." Let me tell you a secret: expressing what he feels inside is the bare minimum for any musician worth their salt. So why are you surprised? Wait, I have an idea: maybe because in power there are only people who use guitars like they're broomsticks and compensate for the lack of ideas by shredding notes at 2000 miles an hour over pseudo-baroque progressions stolen from the worst of the worst of classical music. Well, then thanks a lot that for once someone does a half-decent job and you shout miracle...

"The final Countdown," one of the most beautiful songs in the history of hard rock?? Are we joking, I hope. Although, honestly, coming from someone who wastes time on power metal, I would expect even worse.

"I Nevermore think they really fit into this cult for a few adepts." Oh yes, really FEW adepts. Nobody really knows them, they play in a basement, the sound quality of the records is truly terrible because they don't have money to afford a proper studio, at their nights in the dives of the outskirts, maybe 10 people show up, they don’t make videos, they don't release singles, they sell very little to nothing, and they are starving… yes yes, truly a band for FEW adepts.

A group that plays black metal with Christian themes seems more ridiculous to me than one that does it with satanist lyrics. I'm sorry, but shit, even if dyed in another color, is still shit.

"you assume that others speak without knowledge from the height of your understanding of the subject: but you have only legitimized for yourself the inviolability of certain dogmatic truths, small or large, that make every challenge bounce against your wall of wisdom and common sense. no criticism is absurd and nothing is objectively false, at least as long as we remain in the realm of personal opinions." I want to tattoo this sentence on my body, all of it. Great 47, you have finally expressed everything that needed to be expressed. I’ve been searching for such effective words for months to express what is also my thought, so I can only agree with what you said. It's a shame that the wall of wisdom and common sense of the current metalheads is inviolable even to these words, but after all, if we all could reason sensibly, what kind of world would it be?

"here we also add the versatility that allows him to shine alongside Marilyn Manson in 'Devil Digger' and 'Subterfuge' and Layne Staley"... Starblazer... STARBLAZEEER!!!! Nothing escapes your murderous fury! AFTER COMPARING FABIO LIONE TO FREDDIE MERCURY, YOU'RE COMPARING TIM OWENS TO LAYNE STALEY TOO! But from what parallel universe do you come from? Don't you really find another hobby besides desecrating rock legends? Next thing you know, you’ll compare Blaze Bayley to Jim Morrison and Luca Turilli to Jimi Hendrix, and then we’ll be all set... I always said that metal is harmful, but I never thought THIS harmful...

It’s a pleasure to open DeBaser on this dreary Sunday afternoon at the beginning of June and discover with great joy the umpteenth review of Starblazer. Once again, the poet is living up to expectations. I quote: "It’s a true impossible mission to resist the irresistible perverse crescendo"... it sounds like a line from a drunken Frankie Hi-Nrg. "The famous 'The X Factor' by Iron Maiden, albums perhaps too ahead of their time, but which I believe are essential for anyone who truly loves the most tortured and heavy metal." And now X-Factor would be an album "too ahead," UNAVOIDABLE for those who love HEAVY metal, no less. Not to mention the usual phrases like "not very fast but granite-like riffs," "a stunning voice that effortlessly shifts from growl to whisper to falsetto," as if such nonsense could unequivocally guarantee the value of an album. Starblazer, believe me, I admire you: you don't understand a damn thing about music but at least you show courage in shamelessly stating your ever-growing ridiculousness, and that's saying something. You are an affront to intelligence, the arrest of progress, the death of taste, the triumph of the banal: a bit like Richard Benson, but with the difference that at least he knows he's a clown.

The true metalhead, the TRUE one, is a strange beast. His shelves are filled with CDs featuring 254 live versions of The Trooper and 5498 of Fear of The Dark, and he knows them all by heart. He can tell you at which concert on what day Bruce misses half a note on the second word of the first verse of Hallowed Be Thy Name. Then, he listens to it with his friends and discusses for 7 hours how Dave Murray isn’t that technical but is still good (which doesn’t mean anything but he has to clarify it every time). He has never questioned why everyone remembers Maiden only for their singles, while even Steve Harris doesn’t know that he composed tracks like Deja Vu, The Apparition, Quest For Fire, Losfer Words, or why pieces perhaps even more valid than those now famous (Still Life, Judas Be My Guide, Infinite Dreams...) have rarely been played live and practically never included in live albums and compilations. After all, "Maiden are Maiden, what can you say?", so based on this absolutely valid and unquestionable principle, he will shell out the cash and buy THIS damn latest compilation as well.

But why, instead of comparing bassists, drummers, guitarists, metalheads, posers, cows, and whores, don't you just listen to the damn music you like and stop being such a pain in the ass?