Dream Theater
Systematic Chaos

THE REVIEW

OK, ok. I used to appreciate Dream Theater, I was a fan, I admit it. With "Images and Words," I got into Metal, and particularly into progressive metal, only to practically abandon it completely after listening to bands such as Sonic Youth, Pixies, Dinosaur Jr, and Pere Ubu. What can you do, years go by, and tastes evolve (hopefully always qualitatively). I might seem harsh towards the Boston ensemble, but when it comes down to it, today I consider the Theater of Dreams the ultimate embodiment of mediocrity and complete artistic nothingness made Rock.

After listening to ‘Systematic Chaos,’ anyone who cares about the safety of their hearing not only won’t escape noticing that it reaches unmatched heights of creative flatness, but will probably have to reconsider any positive opinion (like I did) they had regarding albums like "I&W" and "Awake." Yes, because in front of such a disaster, one reaches the point of suspecting that maybe DT never had anything to say, and that at least in their early albums, they said it well. Now, however, they say it poorly, very poorly.

What awaits you after inserting the disc into the player is, therefore, an Anti-Art endurance test. Ready, set, go. Here's the first jumble of progressive metal clichés, "In the Presence of Enemies Pt.1" (yes, unfortunately, there’s also part 2, which is even worse, with a bass loop and a "windy" introduction reminiscent of "One Of These Days" by Floyd, followed by an IDENTICAL metal outburst like the one in "The Glass Prison"). An intro that directly recalls Rush (particularly "Freewill"), where Rudess "borrows" from their synth sound. This so-called masterpiece continues with a Petrucci solo representing a cross between the final one in "Octavarium" and the one in "Overture 1928", borrowing the epicness from the former and the airy dynamics from the latter. A prime example of recycling, really. The second part of the song proceeds with Labrie's non-essential singing, over a melodic line as we’ve heard from our dear old James hundreds of times, in full post-romantic style. Do you want me to tell you about "Forsaken"? Ehm, there's not much to say… a rock ballad in Evanescence Style (!) with a saccharine, redundant baroque voice.

“The Dark Eternal Night”, if possible, is even more insipid than the previous ones: it starts with a riff reminiscent of the already mentioned “The Glass Prison”, reaching the singing with (I presume) Labrie and Portnoy’s filtered voices, just to make it all more "aggressive", but instead achieving the opposite result of seeming pathetic, to say the least... they wouldn’t scare an earthworm. Then the disaster continues with an ENDLESS string of ABSOLUTELY pointless technicalities, embarrassing, derivative of previous records (do you hear that keyboard piece sibling of "The Dance Of Eternity" and cousin of "Endless Sacrifice"?). And the Petrucci solo? Here it comes! You were eagerly waiting for it, right? And John throws it in there... how nauseating. "Repentance" is shameful for its mainstream pseudo-psychedelia, tiresome and irritating, with that guitar tune for braindead people you’re forced to endure from "Train Of Thought". And they want to pass it off as an absolute gem, when in reality it’s a blatant manifestation of a chronic lack of ideas. "The Ministry Of Lost Soul" let me just say it starts (and ends) with a "majestic" and clichéd melody borrowed from "Zombie" by the Cranberries (what immense sadness), the rest is the usual ultra-conventional and saccharine suite branded DT.

Ah, but I was forgetting that absolute masterpiece "Constant Motion", the epitome of dreamtheaterian "creativity": the piece in question is nothing more than (in the verse) a cover of "Blackened" by Metallica and a "tribute" to "This Dying Soul" (a track from TOT which itself previously paid homage to Hatfield & Friends' "Darkness"). "Prophets Of War" has a Muse aftertaste, ultra-banale melody and, beware, another riff stolen from the 'Tallica, but not from the overused "Blackened" this time (Wow!), but from the famous "Wherever I May Roam". When one says "they don't know what to do anymore"... a real "systematic chaos" indeed.

I apologize to you, reader, if this review turned into a game similar to the Enigmatic Week "Find the (not at all) hidden similarities between DT and other Earth bands", but I could write nothing else. Small (and only) positive note regards the production: the guitar is finally free from that terrible "Nu Metal acne-ridden fourteen-year-olds' effect", that plagued the previous two albums, still suffering from that not at all recommendable "glossy" flavor.

But the question naturally arises: what’s the point of potentially good production when the product is missing? You ask them, I have lost the hope of getting an answer.

P.S.: However, I do have a question for LaBrie… LaBrì, but was the D'Artagnan look really necessary?? Aaaaah, damn image marketing...