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Rating: So, the other day I woke up and thought: "I want to spend these last days of 2013 on the other side". The other side, you know? The dark side, the dark side, yes, well, call it what you like. I wanted to end the year in the shoes of a queer.
It's not easy to change like that all of a sudden (I deserve a 5 on the review just for writing this term, damn), you have to find a starting point that isn't too extreme, like getting a crush with a photo of Cristiano Ronaldo. So I thought: "well, let's start slowly, maybe with a movie I wouldn't watch even under torture, I don't know…a romantic comedy that is gay from the title" and boom, Blue Valentine, which is indeed a tribute to Tom Waits, but that little heart in place of the V in Valentine left no doubt.
Blue Valentine is not a gay movie. And I say this with disappointment, I admit.
Derek Cianfrance's second feature film is not about the classic fluffy and sugary love story, indeed, as I understood it, it's not really about a love story at all.
Derekuccio's beautiful film, is a work about the liberation of a poor sap (Ryan Gosling) from the clutches of a wicked witch (Michelle Williams).
Before I start spoiling like a bastard, I have to say that the film is very good, it has beautiful photography with bluish tones and a skillful editing that alternates a present, where Dean and Cindy are in crisis after six years of marriage (with a balding Gosling always in a tank top, wizard Oronzo style), and a past not exactly full of roses and flowers, but at least there was passion.
Spoilers will start big time, so if you plan to watch the movie, don't go further, even though I advise to read anyway, since there are no plot twists like The Sixth Sense.
As I was saying, a movie about the liberation of a poor guy after six years of taking it in the most sacred of his orifices.
But let's go in order:
- The good slug Dean falls in love with Cindy.
- First date, everything goes smoothly. Dean says that however, he will never get married (and indeed…).
- Meanwhile, Cindy gets laid with someone else, but it's just sex and… she gets pregnant.
- She wants to have an abortion, but doesn't have the courage to go through with it. Dean knows the child isn't his, but screw it, he is too in love and is willing to marry her anyway.
- The other guy (the one banging Cindy) gets pissed off and beats Dean up.
- Dean, with his face still dripping blood, remembers that he's invited to dinner by her parents. He shows up with a bouquet and some bruises, only to be humiliated by the relatives because their daughter is an angel aspiring to be a doctor (in about 10 years she took something like 25 c**ks, not peanuts, ed.) and he is just a hick without a diploma.
- Ta da, tarat ta ta taaaa (this would be the wedding music).
- We are in the present time, Dean and Cindy have a beautiful daughter, a dog, a villa, a car. She is a doctor… no, wait, she is a nurse and he, well, occasionally paints some houses. But he can dedicate time to the daughter and the bitch (read wife).
- Cindy forgets to close the gate and bang, goodbye to the dog. Dean in tears, instead of kicking her ass all over America (Hawaii and Alaska included), he buries the poor beast in the garden.
- Plot twist: she no longer wants to have sexual relations with him, meaning she thinks he's crap and would rather be raped than give it to him. Reminder that he is Ryan Gosling, just saying.
Moral of the story: Cindy dumps good Dean, who crying like a child, walks away from wife and daughter (clearly more attached to the father, but we know how these things go).
Off-camera, it is discovered that Dean's tears are of pure joy; finally he is free!
Yes, I know.
I made it ridiculous...
Perhaps it still burns from having met people like Cindy. People who don't know how to love and demand the impossible, without giving anything in return.
Or maybe, making it laughable is the biggest defense one can have when hurt.
The smile is the best mask for those who have a hell to hide inside.
Ps. I hope no fagg..ehm.. faggo…ehm, I mean… I hope no homosexual is offended by the cheeky intro.
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