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Rating: Could it all be so absurd? Or could it make sense? I've fallen ill, exhausted my sanity questioning it. I open my eyes and wake up—I wake up just as millions of men, women, children, and old people do... Their insignificant slumbers perish, dissipated forever.
I wake up with a start, night of sweat and distress. I see my double. What does it want? It stares at me. It tears me apart. It whispers words I don't understand and can't hear but that echo in my weak heart and cause anguish, suffocation. It smiles at me, a cold puppet. And I realize it's a nightmare I can't escape from.
Suddenly, I hear a woman invoking God in a mad and subdued prayer; miserere, she chants, miserere mei Deus!, she intones psychotropic. I don't see her. Everything is engulfed in a milky and rarefied mist, so pure, hallucinatory, and pestilential that I almost feel like I am in the presence of the Lord. But the singing stops; at last, I catch a glimpse of something: from above, the beating of wings, opalescent candor, hordes of glorious angels and winged messengers burst forth solemnly and announce the coming of the Lord! It's an atrocious, vomit-inducing spectacle.
Look at Him, your God! See how He advances, haughty, ruthless. Look at Him! Admire, praise the King of Heavens!
I will kill Him. Forgive me, Father, forgive me, for I know not what I do!
You should have seen His face, as my hands coiled like steel serpents around His neck—strangling Him, silencing Him—But His Empyrean blue eyes never stopped staring at me, stern and dazzling! They were killing me. Excited, horrified, I saw the divine light become an opaque veil. It went out. An indescribable sense of power pervaded me, yes. Yes! I was finally a free spirit, open and suffering, suffering and dying and happy.
Then everything happened in an instant.
The contours melted and deformed; immense and twisted hallelujahs hurled into a cosmic void; the fog flared up in a burning miasma; diaphanous chants (screams!) Gregorian chanted dissonant and celestial; the angst, a patient arachnid, wove and spun a poisonous litany; I tasted the terror and victory on the tip of my tongue; I saw desperate ranks of faceless archangels weeping and tumbling into a crimson red deluge; I saw the sky crack and shatter; and a black breach opened menacingly over nothingness, above the throne of a dethroned God...
I wake up with a start, night of sweat and distress. I see my double. It smiles at me, a cold puppet. And I realize it's a nightmare I no longer wish to escape.
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