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BUDDHANATA.
"Hey, at Buddha, quite the hustle and bustle tonight, huh?
"Not bad... even Maharishi is here, with the usual four...
"No way?!"
"I swear to God, and that one? Doesn't he ring a bell?"
"Damn but... is that Cat Stevens?! NOOO... it's been years since I've seen him at a bar..."
"And you can tell, he's wasted... look at how he's flirting with the waitress... the old pig!"
Pause.
"Hey Bù... what are you buying me?"
"I dunno, what should I give you?!"
"I don't know... what goes well with these Himalayan olives?"
"Let's say, the classic Tai Maj... how about it?"
"Okay, let's go with the Tai... quite the scene tonight, huh?"
"Like every night... even this damn Buddhism... let's hope it goes out of fashion soon..."
Pause.
"Boccadoro has been here"
"Naaah... he's always around with his friend Narciso, those two have been tripping forever"
"Oh look who it is: Tiziano Terzani!"
"Hey! You old punisher!"
"Old tramp, how's it going?"
"Not bad Punny, the usual search for the Supreme Truth here and there, and not even now that I'm gone..."
"Sit for a bit and have something, it's on me... HEY Buddha, bring a little Prosecco for Terzy!"
"Oh no, you know I don't drink alcohol... it's detrimental to my chakras and I wouldn't want to inhibit my kundalini too much"
"Well... have a soft drink, like a San Bitter!?"
"No thanks, a sake will do"
"SAKE FOR THE SAGE, Buddha!... so? What's the word on the street"
"What?"
"WHAT'S THE WORD ON THE STREET!!"
"Ah, what can you say... the usual Eternal Quest of Man, as Paramahansa Yogananda would say, good one AH AH AH"
"What?"
"THE USUAL ETERNAL QUEST OF MAN!!"
"Damn, but Bu'... can't we lower this damn music?! It's banging around my head, driving me nuts"
"What's wrong, you don't like it? You're one of the few, you know... people come from all over the world to listen to my music and I even sell it in compilations in stores"
"Give me a break, you fatso! Always talking crap!"
"Don't believe it? Here... look, punisher, take this... it just came out and has already sold 200,000 copies in Italy alone!"
"Nooo, don't tell me!"
"Let me see that! Nice cover"
"Well, let's not talk crap... that's the most similar thing to the others, just changes a bit in color, the writing.. it's the Trademark for those who don't even bother looking at the covers... they just look at the sequential number on top, see? It says VII because six more came out before this..."
"Damn six!? A real scourge!!"
"Awesome, but did you say there's progressive music in it?"
"No".
"Tibetan music?"
"No".
"Indian music?"
"No".
"Oh fatso, and tell us what the hell music is in it so we don't stay up all night, damn it!"
"Well, oh God, how to say... there's music, how to say... like new age"
"New what?!"
"Oh Tiziano, how long have you been away from civilization?!"
"Why?!"
"You don't know what New Age Music is? Never heard of, I don't know, Enya, Wollenweider, Kitaro..."
"Never covered them..."
"Explain to him, Buddha, I'm going to the bathroom for a moment..."
Pause.
"Well... let's say tranquil and soft music, in this case on standard 4/4 beats, nothing wild really... more on the mellow side, you know what I mean?"
"Well, I imagine... like Ravi Shankar or Terry Riley, right?"
"No well... something more listenable, three or four chords played in a loop with something "exotic" every now and then, a Spanish guitar, an oboe, a sitar here and there, just to make it smell ethnic, to be cool and intellectual, especially in certain circles..."
"But tell me Buddha, why did you call it BUDDHA BAR and not, like, SOFT MUSIC or RELAX SOUNDS, just to say... what does BAR have to do with it?!"
"That was the formula that worked best, I wanted to call it HERMANHESSE CAFE but almost no one knew who the hell he was"
"Well, I can imagine?!"
"Okay, never mind... then I wanted to call it ALLAH PARTY but even there it didn't seem to work, and then I feared some fanatic might cause trouble, and finally CHRIST BISTRO but excommunications would have come flying..."
"Yes but I don't get why the term BAR in the end?"
"Well, where do you think you listen to this sleepy music, in the living room at home? This is good stuff only as background when you're, for example, getting laid..."
"When what?!?!"
"... oh goodnight, I was saying it’s good music to listen to casually while you're doing something else: for example, if you're cleaning the house, doing the bank accounts, while talking about the elections with the family... basically "Tavor Music" for your ears, it's there but you don't hear it..."
"I'm back, guys... I've offloaded my soul too, so, did you get what this Buddha Bar is about?!"
"Well... something, but let me get this straight, those who want to listen to Real Music, I mean good stuff to listen to on headphones in front of the stereo in religious silence... well, they don't get this stuff, right?!"
"Congrats the Nameless One, see, you got it too? But you, Buddha, sorry if I insist, but why do you put it on? Do they pay you? Does someone ask for it? Do you earn out of it?"
"What do you want me to say, since I opened this little bar, the place fills up like this every night, and they ask for this music... oh, always the same ones: tie-wearing yuppies, students who want to relax, hysterical ladies, stressed people looking for sensory tranquilizer substitutes in these tunes, that make them feel a-la-page and cool for a while"
"Go figure, these people and then they're surprised when someone like Terzy goes off their rocker, to retreat to a hermitage in Orsigna, Tuscany!!"
"Hey, Tiziano but... where are you going?"
"I'm heading out... being here with you was boring me to death and giving me a terrible sense of despair"
"Okay, but where are you going at this time, it's 9 in the evening and..."
"I'm going to Palalottomatica, if I'm lucky I'll find a black market ticket for Deep Purple: they may not be much, but at least there it'll lift my spirits a bit... bye guys, see you on the next ride!!"
Pause.
"You know what I think: I might just go too..."
"Hey Punny, don't joke... and leave me alone to bartend for these 4 yuppie bastards?"
"You do what you want, it's your place, and you can do whatever you like, WAIT Tiziano, I'm coming with youuu!!"
"Oh, wait... oh, wait a minute, let me take off my apron, and I'm coming too... ohh, give me two minutes... but can you believe I ended up like this... Nirvana of Eve!"
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