David Steiman
Santa's Slay

Someone has to explain to me why among almost 40,000 reviews on this damn database, this masterpiece of the seventh art does not appear.

I can already see all of you, looking nice and smiling, when in reality you'd fight with your in-laws who still don't accept you as an official member of their family. Or send a nice "vi-a-effe-effe-’nguuulo!" to all those "friends" who give you their t-shirts as gifts, because it's the thought that counts... right?

No. At Christmas, I can... I can do what I can never do, as that little brat used to say on TV. And so I want to gain weight and stuff myself with panettone, receive cash from the elders, and watch a good film, as long as it isn’t Trading Places because damn it’s overplayed, and even my great-grandfather with Alzheimer's knows it by heart.

In short, it's the 24th of December. You’re adults, vaccinated, already dreaming of July rather than Christmas...

So, I'm giving you all a nice big gift for those of you who are bored, and I kindly invite you to watch Santa’s Slay. A movie where Santa Claus is the devil himself, and instead of sliding down the chimney to bring us presents, he makes a nice massacre.

Santa Claus is played by Bill Goldberg.

There's James Caan.

There’s plenty of blood, gutting, and nonsense.

It's disgustingly B-grade.

I believe there's nothing more to add. "Happy Holidays of S***, Merry F***ing Christmas, I’ve got balls hanging on the tree, guess it's snowing, B*****d!" (Quote.)