Darren Aronofsky
N O A H

THE REVIEW

"What kind of movie did you take me to see, guys?!" I say as I exit the cinema to those four brats (including my son) that I drove there, since I have a car and they don't. A biblical movie? An epic film? A mishmash of 3/4 genres thrown together? A science fiction film? A Fantasy? A piece of crap?

Damn, but here they're talking about the Bible, Noah's Ark... I was ready to see a nice evangelical sermon full of Catholic preachiness and instead what do I see? Cain and Abel dressed in Just Cavalli, Noah wearing boots like Doctor Martens, Stone-like Transformers (fit better for Harry Potter than here) moving like they're in a B-list video game, love stories that are unclear and perhaps promiscuous, actresses with faces like TV series starlets unfit for the role, villains popping out of nowhere on the Ark...

In short, this stuff seems EVERYTHING to me but certainly not a good movie and it has nothing to do with the tales told in the Old Testament, for God's sake. Everything is unreal, unresolved, irresponsible, irrigated and unreasonable. (Well, "irrigated" let's pretend to take it out because it has nothing to do with it, I was following the phonetic wave...). In short: a mix of genres with significant imbalances in the story, in the development and in the totally inconclusive conclusion.

The only thing I can save is the "heavy," tormented and intense face of Noah (Russell Crowe) who alone carries the whole film. Let's say that if the director had framed Russell's face for 2 hours, he would have made a better movie, spending much, much, much less money. An unprecedented biblical nonsense.