Darkthrone
Dark Thrones and Black Flags

All smoke and no fire. I know it seems like a very ordinary cliché, but in my opinion, you only need a few words to summarize the current situation of Darkthrone, a band with a well-known status in the black metal scene, without needing some kind of eulogy from yours truly.

After releasing albums that were not exactly inspired but not to be discarded, like "Hate Them" or the somewhat better "Sardonic Wrath," good old Fenriz and his partner in crime Ted "Nocturno Culto" took a fairly sharp and shocking turn in their way of composing, opting for a type of metal almost stripped of its black component and instead filled with more punk-like elements with as many references as possible to the good old days, namely the magical eighties, complete with Fenriz's high-sounding declarations against today's prevailing "false metal" made of plastic and ramblings about their return to the origins of metal in pure Manowar style. The results, in succession, have been "The Cult is Alive," "Fuck Off and Die" (featuring the bombastic "Canadian Metal," a real hit), and the latest to appear, "Dark Thrones and Black Flags."

Now, if the first two were respectable chapters with a reason to exist, with some nice songs but with some dull moments, in this latest chapter of the dark throne saga, in my opinion, we're really not there: it's useless to record an album a year only to dump such a crap on your FANatics, with songs like Z-list punk-rock bands, inspiration at minus one thousand, and catchy titles. Sooner or later, the thread breaks, and then it will seem more obvious that Fenriz's voice is funny for the first two minutes but then becomes almost irritating and that his statements are far too arrogant and presumptuous, that the production would be more suitable for a black CD than for these new sounds, that by now with these lists of true records in the booklet, our testicles risk ending up like crash-test dummies; the inner photos and artwork are the only positive notes that make the (questionable) quality of the music take a back seat.

It's useless to fill your mouth with words of love for N.W.O.B.H.M. and compose riffs that, if they really resembled the eighties' Albion metal, it itself would have assumed vastly smaller proportions than it actually did, not that I'm an expert, but I think that the New Wave of British Heavy Metal was quite another thing compared to the squalid imitation that Darkthrone insinuates to reprise in their LP. At least in "Fuck Off and Die," there was the surprise factor and a handful of really valid songs to keep the judgment high (besides the aforementioned "Canadian Metal," I'd also mention the title track and "Raised on Rock"), here not even that factor can be relied on, because, by the end of listening, there's not a single riff—I say one—that sticks in your head.

The very songs have rhythms that are far too mild: I'm not invoking the use of blast-beats, double bass drums like an Intercity train, or blazing guitar riffs, but a little more spine would only have benefited the Norwegian duo's economy, which instead proposes a valium-induced version of any eighties punk band. It is certain that this record will undoubtedly attract the idiots who want to appear old style at all costs, brandishing the fact that Fenriz talks about boozing in Germany in the lyrics or that he gets photographed in a tent or dressed as a big dumbass ("He's the one who's rotten, raw, and rock'n'roll," I can already hear them ranting!), and to them goes my pity, while to the others I advise listening to Nifelheim, who are all "satanaalèalèalèevildarknessanddeath" but at least they kick ass without any unnecessary frills or whatever other gimmicks, minding their own f***ing business. Respect to Darkthrone but I want my money back for the CD.