Cryptopsy
The Unspoken King

"Ahi quanto a dir qual era è cosa dura...Che nel pensier rinnova la paura »

Until a few years ago, I would have considered it appropriate to quote the great poet to open a review on Cryptopsy; now it really seems an offense to his memory. But since I'm about to play the part of the fundamentalist metalhead, I think it's appropriate to make it clear that I am also a progressive metalhead, sometimes. So much so that I quote Dante.

Cryptopsy: authors of some of the best Brutal Death albums ever ("None So Vile" and "And Then You'll Beg" my favorites). Unbelievable technique, compositions always highly inspired and endowed with an extraordinary personality, continuous search for new solutions: these have always been the qualities that have made this band one of the best ever. In both the first and second periods (Lord Worm era and Di Salvo era), they have always managed to keep their attitude intact while embarking on new paths. And now? Now they have literally sold out.

Even though I have thought about it for a long time, I still haven't understood the reason for the new stylistic choices: commercial operation? I doubt it, given that by doing so they have lost most of their long-time fans and, furthermore, have dived into a musical scene, that of Metalcore, full of fierce youngsters much cooler than six (uh, three) old-school metalheads who sometimes still show their accessories. Did I say Metalcore? Oops, I let it slip! Yes sir, Metalcore, a genre that seems to be gaining so much ground in Canada as to convince the seminal bands of this country to a more or less complete conversion (Ion Dissonance, Despised Icon, Cryptopsy). But let's proceed with order and see what has happened in these three years.

The Line Up has been completely upheaved: away with Lord Worm (vocals from 1992 to 1996 and then from 2004 to 2005) and away with Jon Levasseur (guitar from 1992 to 2006). Of the old core only the bass, second guitar (which has taken the place of first) and the extremely technical drummer Flo Mounier remain, whom I consider the king of extreme drumming. But who are the replacements for the departed members? Who are the candidates for lynching at the first live date of Cryptopsy (I wouldn't want to be in their place)? Here they are, the new Cryptopsy, the nice ones!

- Matt Mc Gachy; vocals. Remember the Hanson? Those of "Mmmbop", that's right. Well, our Arthur Mc Gay (citation needed) resembles a lot (both in singing style and appearance) the bad one from Hanson (who in fact had nothing bad about him except being a bit older and having hair somewhere else other than his head). Member of the Metalcore group 3 Miles Scream, he is endowed with a vocal style that might remind one of Elmer Fudd (the enemy of Bugs Bunny) in a Looney Tunes episode where he is particularly badly pranked. Very Brutal.

- Maggie Durand: keyboards. A cross between Morticia from the Addams family, any goth, and one of those fetish go-go dancers who dance in cages at certain clubs. Intriguing? Only if you're a masochist. She gave her invaluable contribution to the Gothic group Howling Sin, from which she emerged with torn stockings and smudged (black) lipstick. Since the album will have five keyboard passages, it is unclear whether it's a ploy not to completely lose fans or if she is destined to dance nude around a pole during live performances. Honestly pathetic.

- Christian Donaldson: guitar. One who seems to have been taken out of a Nu Metal group and surely a former user of Telefono Azzurro. Possessing a face that would fit perfectly on the tank tread of a boot (even the father’s one, why not!), he is also a guitarist in the Groove Metal group Mythosis. He might know how to handle the six-string, but his contribution to the band’s sound is the worst novelty of the year (so before Berlusconi's victory). At least irritating.

As you have noticed, all three newcomers come from bands that have nothing to do with Brutal: by this, I intend to suggest not to do what is easiest (also for me) that is to pick on these three microcephalic individuals. In fact, if the three remaining members of the true Cryptopsy really cared about their fans, they would have avoided scraping the bottom of the barrel and would have looked for new minions in one of the other numerous and very valid extreme bands of their country, as all Death groups of this land have always done. In support of what I say, it is highly unlikely that in less than a year since their entry into the band the three could have contributed significantly to the writing of the songs; rather, they delivered the coup de grace to a dying beast.

The songs on this album are eleven winks at angry youngsters and eleven squeezes of the balls for the longtime fans. Unfortunately, I find myself among the latter. The average of Death riffs is one per song, making the album (in spite of itself) unclassifiable as Death Metal. Instead, ample easy and winking melody riffs, maybe even elaborate, but as limp as rusks dipped in milk; if the two guitars limited themselves to playing those fast scales so damn Metalcore, things would still be fine. Instead, not content, they dive into catchy choruses ("Worship Your Demons") and into Breakdowns of supposed great impact that generate sudden attacks of Orchitis. Offbeat timings attempt to give a technical halo to slowdowns where the guitars play in vain ("Silence The Tyrants") of such banality that it is stomach-turning. The bass is audible thanks to a lousy sound that makes it resemble more a harpsichord and certainly does not do justice to the great skills of the instrumentalist, who also has to do without the little pieces always reserved for him to showcase all his talent.

And Flo Mounier? As they say, it never rains but it pours. Forget everything (or almost) that he managed to do during his long career as a Drummer. Perhaps he went too far and now he was tired, however, his performance is by far less technical than any of his previous efforts. Many, too many normal four-four times mark songs already devoid of personality in themselves and the rare offbeat timings serve more to boost our pride than to enrich the sound. Although there are passages where his "warrior spirit" can still be heard roaring, his performance lacks Blast Beats and other typical features of extreme metal; do not be fooled by the first Riffs of the Opener "Worship Your Demons", they are the classic red herring. I have not had the honor of reading the lyrics, but from what I can understand and from the song titles, it must be some ridiculous concept that further worsens the condition of the six.

What more can be said about the vocals? If you like Lost Prophets and Incubus you will not be disappointed, otherwise yes, very much so. If you don't believe me, you can perfectly enjoy the diuretic effects of the idiotic choruses ("Leach") and the clean vocalizations of the new singer ("Bemoan The Martyr", "Contemplate Regicide" just to mention the most annoying).  If you have doubts, you can also try to find something good in the nauseating opening keyboard of "Resurgence Of An Empire". If you're still skeptical, try the Mudvayne-like whispers in "Bemoan The Martyr". I bet you’ll agree with me in saying that no definition fits this CD better than the one that the good accountant Fantozzi used to describe "The Battleship Potemkin": an enormous crap. If they were honest, they should sell this album with a nice noose smeared with whale grease to voluntarily end their own suffering before reaching the concluding "Exit (The Few)". I have no other words to express my disappointment and deep disillusionment for one of the releases I was most looking forward to, to express how much I hoped, having already listened to some tracks before the official release, that they were fakes put around by a prankster. Cryptopsy have made their choices, and I have made mine; one (for the career).

The Century Media, a label famous for underselling great bands, will finally be satisfied.