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Rating: A bit of fun every now and then doesn't hurt, and even though I'm not an avid fan of the world's most talked-about sport, I found myself with this amusing book on the subject that truly entertained me. Cristian Vitali, the author, has created, with well-detailed cards, a cheerful collection of foreign footballers who, brilliant abroad or in their homeland, by some mysterious twist of fate, transformed into anthology-level flops as soon as they landed in Italy. With a touch of nostalgia, we remember these faces, at least for a year, printed on trading cards when as kids we flicked through stacks to the rhythm of "got it, got it, got it, missing," and so it seems only right to chronologically recall a few. From passing foreigners to truly sensational phenomena who are still making someone furious just by being mentioned.
LUTHER BLISSETT - One of those cases where Italy brings bad luck. Coming from Watford, where he had delighted the English audience with excellent performances, he was purchased by Milan for the '83-'84 season, collecting 30 appearances and scoring 5 goals. A little amount for a promising start, but the major problem was that he missed at least twenty glaring chances, opportunities that even my cobbler grandfather could have finished with a stick well-planted in the ground, a shoe in the other hand to balance, and the wind at his back. He blamed it all on the climate and the structure of Milanello only to return to England and play at least decently for a couple of decades. Having fallen into oblivion, a group of Italian writers adopted his name to publish successful novels for Einaudi.
HUGO MARADONA - He only had the surname of the Argentine ace as he was the younger brother, and after two nearly anonymous seasons with Argentinos Juniors, he was purchased by Ascoli for the '87-'88 season. Ilario Castagner even gave him the No.10 jersey, but it turned out to be a remarkable deterrent. 19 appearances and a single goal for the poorly traced bad copy of Diego Armando, whose only similarity was in his propensity to chase women using his brother's much-hyped last name. Sold the following year, he disappeared among the benches of obscure Japanese teams.
RENATO PORTALUPPI - Purchased by Roma for the '88-'89 season, he was the biggest oversight of the Barone Liedholm and one of the biggest flops remembered. A noteworthy midfielder in Brazil, he forgot how to play football in Italy, collecting 23 appearances without ever caring where to shoot to score a goal, to the point that fed-up Roma fans displayed the banner: "A' Renato, ridacce Cochi" (Ponzoni). You never know, you never know... More inclined to frequent nightclubs, he turned out to be a flop on the field and a partier off it, always a fixture at social events between drugs and prostitutes, especially with friend Maradona, no stranger to these exploits. Sold the following year to Flamengo, he bounced around various teams for a decade before ending up at Bangu, Brazil's answer to Dinamo Castelformaggino.
ANDRADE - Landed at Roma alongside Renato (when you really want to do harm to yourself), the one who was supposed to be the heir to Falcao turned out to be a huge flop (not the tool). Relegated after just 9 games and obviously no goals, he was nicknamed "Er moviola" by the fans, being exceedingly slow and decidedly harmless. The time he took, ball at his feet, to reach the opponent's area from midfield was equal to the time a common player would take after scoring a goal to run around the field with arms raised, climb a billboard, scale fences, embrace the warmth of the fans, strip off his shirt to wave it euphorically, get a yellow card and argue with the referee. Sold along with Portaluppi amid one view and oversight, they found themselves at the lively Bangu.
SERGEJ ALEJNIKOV - A Juventus deprived of Platini, and not of Osvaldo Sferrazzacucco, turns to Perestroika to purchase Aleksandr Zavarov, a half-disaster, in whose wake emerged a midfielder, Alejnikov, in the '89-'90 season. Proving to be a full disaster, he was quickly identified by the Juventus stands as "Alentikov," due to his dominating slowness in play with the ball at his feet. 30 appearances and 3 goals, (not pizza and figs!), he was sold to Lecce the following year, simultaneously with the collapse of his homeland. Zavarov was left with the hammer to return to the factory, and he with the sickle, hoping to find a placement in the fields of the Tavoliere.
MA MING YU - It's hard to find such a frightening half-measure anywhere. Presumptuous to boot. Grandly acquired by Perugia's national Gauccione in 2000, he soon proved to be a huge dispenser of talents without ever expressing them on the field. A press conference phenomenon, where he declared his desire to do better than Nakata, see Nesta as Italy's best player imagining easily beating him playing against, and telling professionals that:"...if Del Piero is Pinturicchio, I am Michelangelo!" Well. Dubbed "Grandpa" by his teammates because despite being stated as 27 years old he was likely 32, he never debuted in Serie A playing two terrifying friendly matches and a few minutes in the first of the Coppa Italia. Sent by Serse Cosmi to the stands, after six months he was sent back to China by Gaucci.
VAMPETA - Brazilian, idol of the gays, he was purchased in 2000 by Inter's Moratti at the suggestion of fellow countryman Ronaldo for 30 billion. After just one league appearance, he soon highlighted what he was not and was sent to warm the Meazza stands by the resigning Lippi and succeeding Tardelli. After a last chance given in the Coppa Italia and the subsequent crushing defeat to Parma 6-1, management eliminated him, lending him to Paris Saint-Germain, who after two months passed him to Flamengo. A perfect meteor.
GAIZKA MENDIETA - Coming from Valencia, never having been this great champion, he was purchased by Lazio's Cragnotti for the '01-'02 season, in the "Neapolitan way". An astounding flop. Costing the beauty of 43 million euros still ringing, as if he were a cross between Cruijff and Di Stefano, he collected 20 appearances without ever wondering where the goal opposite to him was located. Though never crossing the opposing penalty area, he often crossed that of the bench amid the curses of the Lazio fans. A great provoker of ulcers, furious fainting, and heretical curses to confess Berlicche's sins, he was sold with the pretext of a counter package to Barcelona, where he at least scored just 4 goals. Even now, it's preferable not to mention him even to the most die-hard of Irriducibili. Better a Roma fan child than another like him.
For those who want to relax or get angry once again.
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