• Rating:
Or: "House Music in Italy," or "Hierarchy and Heterogenesis of Musical Styles," or "Fundamental Rules for Not Writing a Review."
So, aside from the fact that between serious and facetious musical distinctions, many have been made, not infrequently even around here, let's dot the i's to avoid any kind of misunderstanding, listing the human types involved in the more or less occasional listening to what mortals call music.
Proceeding by rank of presumption, here's that the most happily heterogeneous and convoluted class is that of the "intellectuals."
The first subgenre in random order is that of the vaporous viveurs of classical-lyric music, those who, to be clear, claim that music enchantingly ended in the nineteenth century: they can barely tolerate jazz and blues, disdain everything else. They frequent theaters, eat bran and oats, pair up - when they wish - in double beds.
The second subclass is that of intellectuals angered against the system. It is not entirely clear why and how they are angry, perhaps it is simply an intrinsic status of theirs, but the fact is that doing sums with them is not easy; they mainly listen to the cultured Italian pop of the '70s: De Gregori, Dalla, De André, Guccini, i Nomadi; they gather in small alcoves, go shirtless to weddings, pair up on the seats of old Panda 4X4s.
The third subclass is that of the ethnic music fetishists, those who force you to listen to hours of Celtic reels and syrtaki, explain to you so many beautiful things about Bulgarian dances you never wanted to know, introduce you to the titillating world of capoeira and tribal dances: generally unstable, they are more than convinced of their opinions; they dress in shirts and V-neck sweaters, eat sushi and feijoada, pair up at high altitude between one yodel and another.
Closely connected to the entire array of intellectuals is the varied crowd of lovers of generic songs. These individuals have the peculiarity of loving everything and nothing at the same time: they listen to music more out of inertia than anything else, stay informed on what's trending, hum "La Bamba" and "Gelato al Cioccolato" without any distinctions; they lead a very normal life, eat in cafeterias when they stay late, pair up in hotel rooms.
Avoiding classes derived by promiscuity from the aforementioned, we move on to the wonderful world of the "metalheads." A term now too generic, it should be specified in all its numerous subgenres, but, no offense to the soft grunge alternative with a touch of trip hop, we'll proceed broadly, including in the context of metalheads those who cultivate other types of music like punk or hard rock, thus intending with such a term those who practically cultivate music with strong sonorities.
So, the most dangerous class biogenetically speaking is that of the "musician metalheads." Heterogeneous types of varied humanity, they are those lovers of hard rock and metal who enjoy themselves with electric guitar or bass. Misfortune of misfortunes, they are the ones who lock you in a room letting you hear how well they can imitate that solo by Petrucci or Stratton, well aware that maybe it's already the original solo, in its long and nerve-wracking minutes, that gets on your nerves: imagine the imitation. Big DIY noise lovers, they often disdain discos, gather in packs, pair up during concert breaks.
Another subclass, the "mosher metalheads," closely related to Punks, are those who disdain discos less, enough to want to jump onto the stage of any small gig in the smokiest of disco-pubs just to happily throw themselves among ranks of joyful hands that most often do not receive them at all (a friend of mine got hurt badly because of this story): they mosh with all their might, sweat mercilessly, and not infrequently pair up between one shove and another.
But let's get to us, with the presumption of having exhausted a good part of our analysis, coming to the most controversial genre of the musical scene. The last fabulous group of the varied theory of musical types is the famed class of "tunzettari." It is not easy to try to understand what are the reasons that lead these individuals to listen to the music they listen to, and especially define what intrigues them. Take for example this album by Claudio Coccoluto, one of the most acclaimed DJs of House made in Italy: starting from "Rocker," the first track of the album, one wonders what is the underlying idea of music for the tunzettaro genre lovers, all the more so since of "musikè," of "Art of the Muses," in the track in question as in all the other pieces, there is no sign: pure rhythmic exasperation that is not melody in any context except within the disco habitat walls, where at mind-numbing volume, one grasps, beyond the hyperuranium, the supreme essence of chaos, which at its highest levels moves the limbs by simple inertia; tunzettari enjoy moving to the rhythm of "tunz tunz," and couldn't care less about all those connoisseurs, intellectuals or metalheads alike, who criticize their ignorance in music matters. They live day by day, eat at McDonald's, pair up in the bathrooms of disco-pubs.
Oh, I almost forgot, if you really want to listen to the album, "Leave Me Alone" and "808 Lazerbeam" are nice.
Loading comments slowly
