Christopher Nolan
Tenet

For about a week, various cultural services on various TV channels kept hammering, "It's time to go back to the cinema, go watch Tenet!"
I'm an obedient type, so I didn't need much persuading. Despite the fear of the second wave, I decided to go. The only doubt: 8:30 PM show or 9:10 PM show. 8:30 PM! I'll make it in time. There's always a lot of ads. Or at least, there used to be. It's been 8 months since I last went to the cinema.
Anyway, yes! Let's go for 8:30 PM! It seems like a movie made for me. I love time travel movies. I've seen them all: Terminator 1, 2, and even 3. There's action, the director is a cool guy whose name is the same as my helmet. Tenet then... a palindrome, and I know all about palindromes, there’s even that magic square that fourth-rate Satanists used to scare schoolgirls. Surely, he won’t use this magic square stuff, right? Let's hope not. I'm going!
I start late, but I arrive on time: "Give me any seat, but far from everyone." A nice surprise: "Complimentary popcorn." WOW! What a night. I get them salted, but I'm hungry: "Add nachos with cheese sauce and a bottle of still water too."
I rush to room 6, down in the basement, I need to go to the bathroom, but I don't want to miss the beginning, and I'm holding all this stuff... I go. I’ll hold it in!
Just in time. It starts. The Russians, the Americans, there's shooting. Cool! Then the guy dies, but no. It was a fake. They take him to recover in a windmill (cool!). Then he gets out, goes to a girl who explains everything, and I start to understand nothing.
I remember that I’m eating nachos with cheese sauce. Practically, polenta and cheese, and I wonder why they don't just give you a nice ladleful of steaming polenta with gorgonzola. But it's just a moment, I re-enter the film, I try. But this actor with such a well-trimmed beard annoys me. Is it because he's super black? I'm not racist, I swear. Okay, okay, one more moment, I re-enter the film, but they start talking about characters named Sator and Arepo going to the opera. Aghhh no! He’s using the magic square, this dog! And then the slow motion in reverse, which they surely used to make people laugh during "today's comedies." And still, this mom worrying about the little boy when the entire humanity is about to die. But doesn’t she understand that the little boy is included in “the entire humanity”?
A deep breath! Okay, I try again, but they start talking about lockdown, repeating the term twice, referring to something unrelated to what we’ve just experienced but with the magic cube. And then, I feel a shiver and realize no. I can't hold it in anymore. I need to go to the bathroom. Damn, right when the Indian girl is about to explain everything. I run, quick.
I go, I do, I return. But to room 5 instead of 6! It's the 9:10 PM show. Tenet. Oh my god, I traveled back in time by 40 minutes. I feel like I should shout to everyone: "Come to room 6! The next 40 minutes are the same as the 40 you just saw! Save 40 precious minutes of your life! Come with me!" I can’t do it, the revolutionary inside me has lost once again.
But a belief has matured: "I will write a review and try to save a couple of hours and a half for those who have a chance to read it." But I won't succeed. Fate is sealed for time travel enthusiasts.
So, what to save:

• Kennet insulting his wife
• The Amalfi Coast
• Some parallelepiped in the final battle
• Windmills in the middle of the sea
• A guy shoving a gold bar up his ass
• The soundtrack!

Little else, I would say.
To conclude:

• I had seen Memento, and I liked it a lot (I think I should get a tattoo about it).
• To do this movie right, Nolan should have worked under the pseudonym NoloN.
• A-movies are films made using B-movie scripts but spending a truckload of money.
• If I catch the virus for this bullshit, I might have preferred going to the billionaire (#forse).
• Time goes in one direction, and you are getting older. Someone must tell you.