Christina Stuermer
Schwarz Weiss

THE REVIEW

Living in Austria and being a reviewer for DeBaser, I feel obliged to mention a cross-border phenomenon that creates noise and satisfaction in the heart of Europe. Nothing new or indispensable, but a mass phenomenon and therefore noteworthy. By reading, you'll understand why. Here you go.

Christina Stuermer, the absolute winner of 'Starmania', the German version of Amici di Maria de Filippi, quickly became the darling of thousands of minors and mentally challenged individuals who are more than happy to emulate hollow and insignificant models. Young and carefree, an adept dancer and capable actress, she decided to dedicate herself to singing, leveraging and endorsing excellent pop-rock musicians, also just over the age of majority, to compose her first substantial CD, made up of 9 absolutely insignificant tracks, unsurprisingly full of complicated and sensitizing themes like love and stuff like that. Yet, she succeeds. Her very own rock is the already over-heard kind and thus has a hyper-engaging formula (we’re talking about a C major chord progression). Teen girls, who prefer to avoid any form of intellectual effort and just want to be cool, melt for her incredible and memorably radio hit single, "ich liebe" (I love you). Yet, Christina Stuermer is a clean model, without tattoos and piercings in obscene areas, and young people queue anywhere to catch a glimpse of this new phenomenon in German pop-rock music (and here in Vienna, where I live, she’s also a testimonial for 3, and when they inaugurated the extension of line 1 of the Vienna subway, she was even at the new terminal in concert!).

As soon as possible, I would like to write a nice review on (and we’re still there) the Monrose, 3 Turkish-German girls who made the usual packs of minors howl with their big-hit single "shame" during their appearances in shopping centers between Austria and Germany. I’m interested in this stuff for 2 main reasons: the first is that when these new young pop champions play (sorry, attend and shake their hips is more suitable) around Central Europe, they are followed by swarms of young carefree women, well made-up, delighted by trendy little dresses and with hormones at 1000. They leave in the air a delightful scent of freshness and unashamed lasciviousness, and in that (excremental) context they are clearly excited and vulnerable. The second is that they are Austrian and at 16 already look 20, and are very mature and experienced (sexually speaking), they are a pleasure to the eyes and to other parts of the body (in a few lucky cases, that is). Therefore, knowing about it is always useful: it opens up discussions and involves the interest of all these young fans. There's a bit of Monrose in all of you…

The stuff is always the same. A tug on the f... pulls more than a cartful of oxen. Or not?