Christian
Cara

Have you bought Led Zeppelin IV? Yes. Have you worn out Michael Jackson's Thriller? Yes. Do you know Back in Black by heart? Yes. Do you have Christian's Cara from 1984? Yes.

An obvious premise. We all have these 4 vinyl records and boast about them to the new generations. But while the first 3 masterpieces have been affected by the passage of time, listening again to Cara is a daily libidinous pleasure. Sounds projected into the future, Freudian lyrics, Renaissance metrics, arrangements that even Jean-Michel Jarre couldn't have imagined.

In fact, the first version of this album, on the dark web, has a valuation comparable to Salvator Mundi by Leonardo da Vinci, sold at auction in 2017 for 450 million dollars. Only very few people can afford the limited edition vinyl version. Those who have it guard it jealously. It is said that as many as ten copies are stored in the vault of Fort Knox.

It's hard to describe this album. I humbly attempt to do so. With great respect, I will do a track by track, which is always appreciated on DeBaser, the coolest site on the internet.

The opening track is Cara. Before recording, Christian used to travel by bus in the Catanzaro province. And to gain independence, he thought of buying a used 127, gray leaning towards brown, a color also called beige. The car salesman quoted a price to our singer who found the vehicle a bit expensive. “But if I come tomorrow, will it cost less?” “No.” “In a month?” “No.” “If I buy it at the end of the year?” “No.” With a languid look, turning towards the 127, he whispered “Cara. Sarai per sempre Cara”. Ovation.

Per lei is dedicated to the soles of his shoes. Christian is famous for wearing only leather loafers with leather soles. Once he stepped in dog poop and took a big slip on the sidewalk. The sole resisted the friction with the asphalt and he didn't hesitate to create a song to exalt the bottom of his shoes. “For her, I saved my reputation, for her.”

Aspettami. A love song following his first chance encounter with a girl. They had their first date at the municipal park in Campobasso. It’s a pity that Christian, a bean enthusiast, spent the morning on the toilet. But always proud and hopeful, with the bathroom window open, he shouted to his love “Wait for me, this will be over soon, please wait for me.”

Proibito. A somewhat peculiar story about our singer from Boccadifalco, who spent his adolescence studying the mechanics of watches. A passion he still has. So much so that he subscribed to the monthly magazine Le Ore.

Closing the side A of the vinyl is the song L'ultima donna vera. A tear-jerking tale assumed to be inspired by his first scooter accident. With his ‘79 Motobecane, he toured the village of Fauglis in the province of Udine with a beautiful brunette. At the traffic light, the only traffic light in the village, a bicycle cut him off. It was a woman. Perhaps she is the real woman, who, before being hit and thrown into the canal, showed him the middle finger, which traumatized him. The body was never found.

Side B opens with Amante mia. Christian was caught by his wife flirting with a plain girl. His wife's brother, of Malagasy origin, a fan of Moraingy, a martial art from Madagascar, beat him up. The song recalls the event, fueling the chorus with moans and curses “ahi, ahi, azz, azz, ahi ahi.”

The album continues with the masterpiece S. O. S. Again, a true story that has entered into Christian’s legend. In Cesenatico, he went swimming with an inflatable mat and fell asleep. Upon waking, he found himself 3 miles from the coast, completely sunburned. A cargo ship flying a Liberian flag found him exhausted and dehydrated. There are images of a concert of his in Bellaria Igea Marina, which portrays him lobster-red and testifies to his great courage for having saved himself without even sending out an SOS.

The final part consists of the triptych, Un giorno in più, Innamorarmi ancora, Amore mio. The lyrics of each song are similar, but with the words mixed up, thus managing to give a profound meaning to the work nonetheless. It seems Bartezzaghi participated in the composition, taking inspiration from a random issue of La Settimana Enigmistica.

I could talk for hours and hours about this record. Only now I'm in line at Bennet and it'll be my turn shortly. I hope I can pay for the groceries with the Ticket Restaurant.